Yesterday was a long trek by car followed by what I thought was going to be a second straight flag football wipe-out all to get to see number two son play in a game. I spent four years as a band parent lugging kid and equipment to and from band practices, bus-catches, concession stand work, fund-raising, and performances. Number one son was a gung-ho marcher with dreams of joining a nationally ranked drum and bugle corps. Wow! The effort almost killed me. But number two son reached high school with a different set of goals and skills, and due to educational forces beyond our control, and evilly opposed to us, he didn’t even stay landed in the big Texas 5A School he wanted to be in. We settled for a charter school that provides a completely different format that Henry can handle. Number two son is more like me than the first one was. He’s brainy and thin and athletically capable, but not athletically experienced. He is gifted in so many ways, but not in ways that are normally considered acceptable in cowboy country and the Greater Dallas Cowboy Area Football Imperative.
So this year we are taking on football. I mean, not ferociously Texas high school tackle and kill football, but FLAG FOOTBALL. The teams wear two yellow or white flags that have to be grabbed and pulled to stop the advance of the ball. As a parent, I appreciate the sissy version of the meat-grinding, brain-fracking sport that Texas loves more than pornography. I know it is not considered as manly to play flag football, but having been subject to a hospitalizing head trauma in my own high school football days, I would rather have him play the safer, cleaner version. And, let’s face it, he weighs a hundred pounds less than some of the high school guys that would be chasing him to bulldog him in regular high school football. And his school, a small charter school, is just starting it’s flag football program. That allows Henry to be on the starting team, and play a sport that he wouldn’t stand a ghost of a chance of even making the team otherwise.
So, how did we get to yesterday? Well, a week ago, the very first game for the Mighty Ospreys was a total disaster. It started before two of the required seven players even arrived. So, the first touchdown was scored by the other team when they intercepted the pass from the only girl in the game, playing quarterback for us even though she couldn’t throw the ball at better than a wounded-duck wobble. We played a good portion of the first half, five players against seven. And when the other two showed up, the other side was still the only side to score. And they scored at will. It ended mercilessly at ungodly-high-score to nothing.
So I was expecting another humiliation yesterday. This reveals the true advantage of being a total pessimist. I can only be pleasantly surprised. The other guys were almost all shorter than our guys. And our guys, after an extra week of practice, were handling the ball BETTER. We found a quarterback who could throw the ball on target. We scored two touchdowns and a two-point conversion to win 14 to 6. And Henry was almost able to catch a touchdown pass. It was deflected and he almost caught it anyway!
So, I came home sicker than Marmaduke after rancid pork, but happy. Of course, the Princess mentioned that she wants to be in marching band when she gets to high school next year. Oh, my aching sit-down parts!





























Sincerest Apologizes, Mr. Mohamed
This picture is from Ahmed’s sister’s cell phone… I think.
Dear Ahmed Mohamed,
I am sorry that Texas is what it is. Land of the big white lie and home of the brave-if-you-don’t-confront-them-with-people-they-don’t-understand sort of cowboys. I am a veteran Texas teacher with a lot of English as a Second Language teaching experience. I am quite familiar with kids like you. You built something wonderful that worked and showed off your electrical engineering skills and your future promise as an inventor. It was a clock. And you wanted to show it to your engineering teacher… which you did. And he was impressed. But he told you not to show it to your other teachers for a very good reason. Some of them are white people. Some of them are Texas conservatives. And you had no way of knowing how they would see a Muslim kid with a strange wired-up device in his back pack. The rest of the world does not look at such things with the fearful eyes of a cowboy conservative, or automatically make the assumptions that were made. You see, these people love guns and shooting stuff with a deep abiding passion that they really can’t believe other people don’t share. It is an unfortunate feature of being a cowboy conservative that they are addicted to Bubba-thinking.
In case you forgot about what actually happened I have included some YouTube videos to refresh your memory.
Bubba-thinking allows cowboy conservatives to convince themselves that the solution to violence in schools and terrorist threats is a “good-guy with a gun”. They think that some clear-thinking hero-type (white guy) can make a correct assessment of a possible threat in a split second, and quickly react, taking out the threat with a well-placed shot that would never miss the intended target and do damage somewhere else, thus rendering the “bad-guy” (usually brown or black) sincerely executed without the need for an expensive trial that might only have let him walk away from his crime, or intended crime, a free but wiser (also living) man. Bubbas believe with the fervor of religion that “bad-guys” need to get what’s coming to them.
So, this is why they arrested you. To prevent you from killing innocent school children with your clock which might’ve somehow turned out to be a bomb, because you are from the same part of the world as those evil, icky ISIS guys that cut people’s heads off. They suspended you from school because, even though no bomb squad was called to diffuse your clock, and they soon learned that it was only a homemade clock, they were convinced that you were trying to scare people and become famous with a hoax bomb, the law they actually invoked to cover up their mistreatment of you.
I hope you are happy in your new school. I hope you appreciate that you have the last laugh in all of this because the notoriety and viral Facebook fame you have achieved will open more doors for you and take you to places far beyond the simple teacher’s approval you were seeking for your inventive talents. And I hope in your new school you will have fewer encounters with the Bubba-thinking of some Texas teachers.
Sincerely and with apologies,
Mickey
3 Comments
Filed under commentary, humor, racial profiling
Tagged as Bubba thinking, commentary, cowboy conservatives, current events, humor, News, politics, racism, satire