He says things daily that are provably untrue. He makes huge messes that nobody is willing to clean up, both internationally and domestically. He throws fits and Tweets like a Twit on Twitter. He insults people with impunity and tries to wreak vengeance on those that give as good as they get from him. How can he possibly be the President of the United States? Well, he can’t. If this were an actual democracy, he’d never have been voted in, let alone stay in the office this long without being impeached and removed. Most intelligent people who haven’t been hitting themselves on the head with hammers of prejudice and party ideology can see that. Even some Republicans.
The selfish, orange-headed moron only cares about what affects him directly. He constantly seeks attention and plays to the camera and to friendly audiences. He is deliberately provocative because it gets him the attention he craves, whether it is positive or negative doesn’t seem to matter. His decisions are guided by virulent racism and misogyny. He will provoke conflict and do irreparable damage to the functioning systems that keep this country running. And the Republican controlled Congress will let him do it because they got that control by cheating. All the levers of power are in their corrupt, feckless little greedy hands. And they will let the monkey throw poop everywhere until we all succumb to poop-related diseases.
I am already today feeling quite ill. It helps slightly to take out some of the bad feelings on the Nazi clown that is now in charge. But only slightly. At some point I’m still going to die. And we the people are probably never going to be in control of the government again.
Much scarier than Batman’s Joker, isn’t he?
So I am bummed. Things are not going well. I have hand cramps from shooting the bird at the TV news every day, every time Monkey-face Cheetos-head is talking. Bile is my ruling humor this morning. And I need a nap so I can feel better.
It’s raining today. Appropriate for the moment when this thing that has consumed my entire summer comes to an end. Appropriate too for the way the orange-faced king of our country has dominated everything in public life. As hard as I have worked the last four years to claw my way out of debt, I am now bankrupt. Everything the king has done and continues to do hurts poor folks like me. Was George III the insane one? The narcissist and paranoid schizophrenic? And if he was, why did we decide after more than 200 years of independence that we needed a corrupt despot in charge again? We have invited the king back to where he doesn’t really belong.
So what can we focus on today to get our minds out of the mud?
There’s always sunshine to consider. The sun will come back. It is like a law of nature or something. And, although nothing is ever certain in life, “The sun’ll come out… tomorrow! Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow… there’ll be sun!” (That’s from the Broadway musical Annie, in case I wasn’t obvious enough.)
One can always also appreciate a pretty girl. Is that being inappropriate? I am a cartoonist and I have been obsessing about drawing pretty cartoon girls. So maybe that’s what I really mean. I’ll go with that. Let’s think about pretty cartoon girls.
Yes, Emma Watson before Harry Potter wearing Mickey Mouse ears counts as a pretty cartoon girl.
So, if I still can’t get my mind off the mud… what will I do?
Think about Zebras climbing trees maybe?
Or Millie Bobby Brown starring in season 3 of Stranger Things on Netflix in October?
But while I’m writing this, I get a call from the pool demolition guy. The plumbing and the electrical work apparently didn’t pass the city inspector’s inspection. Now, it’s not only mud time again, I have a fire boiling in my spleen and am tempted to take an ax to city hall.
Yes, now that I am bankrupt, I thank the God who made me that he made me poor and saved me from the terrible torture of being rich.
I know that sounds like a joke. But I am serious. In this world where you have to be willing to climb over the bodies and crushed hopes and dreams of your fellow human beings in order to be rich, I would prefer to be on the side of the downtrodden with a clean conscience and an empty wallet.
I have a castle of my own, but it isn’t very large.
I am actually a bit miffed after this last week. The swimming pool that has given me ulcers from significant financial reversals all summer is still not removed. I keep having to pay more and more. I had to declare bankruptcy because my credit rating was degrading and all insurance companies and mortgage companies punish that crime by charging you more money. The city is pushing hard to get the pool removed, but on Friday their city inspector failed to inspect the pool which must happen before the demolition can begin on Monday. In fact, the inspector never showed his face or called to explain why. But the city did not fail to contact the bank that holds our mortgage lien to make them reconsider the value of our property and the payments we are required to make. Chapter 13 bankruptcy doesn’t protect you from such things as that, by the way. In fact, it doesn’t help protect you from debt. I still have to repay everything I owe Bank of America and the other credit card banks I owe money to. The only thing it does do is stop the snowball of finance charges from rolling further down the mountain, and then it reorganizes my finances with outside guidance to guarantee the banks get paid off. That is because, even though I had to pay lots of money to the lawyer, and will have to pay more before we’re done, taking care of the banks’ needs is the first priority. So, I am on my own with the city and their demands and their bullying to make certain their demands are met too. It is probably a good thing that I have decided to become a nudist. After all, there will be no money left for clothes.
You will have to forgive me for beginning to think dark thoughts about rich people. One way or another, the wealthy minority are to blame for most of what’s wrong with my life. Congress right now is trying again with the Graham-Cassidy Bill to make certain that my next health reversal kills me. It is very important to them that Obamacare is repealed. And why would that be? Is is it because Obamacare works because it takes more in taxes away from one per centers, and the Republican-controlled Congress wants to give that all back to the rich folks? They need the extra millions more than I need to keep living, right?
I am tired of fighting over numbers in bank statements and credit card bills. I am poor. I have paid an awful lot of money to get to that point. I will be satisfied to defend my tiny kingdom to the death as the orcs of wealth-acquisitions overwhelm me. After all, I have a certain satisfaction with how I have lived my life, and no matter how badly it ends, that satisfaction cannot be taken away from me.
So, Tweedle Dumb, being me, is getting rooked. The pool demolition being done by Tweedle Dim is going to get started finally, three weeks late, but it is going to cost me more than planned. That is because Tweedle Dumber, the city pool inspector, added new wrinkles to the requirements that he didn’t tell Tweedle Dim about until Dim filed for the building permit. Added work on plumbing and electricity that was actually already done when I was trying to repair the pool has to be inspected and signed off on by a professional in each of the two areas. The decking has to be completely removed and the pool wall collapsed by 12 inches. All of that is different than other cities in the area require, and they didn’t inform Tweedle Dim until today. So I will have to dig up a gold mine or rob a bank by this afternoon. At least this Tweedle beetle puddle paddle battle is not being fought in a bottle… yet.
It has gone beyond the realm of credibility. How can a pumpkin-headed orangutan with a belly full of racial hatred and Islamophobia still be nominally running this country? Has he not committed enough irredeemable sins to be sent to Hell, directly to Hell, do not pass GO and do not collect $200!? I think he stole all the “Get out of jail free” cards before the game ever started.
I have never called this Twitter twit-wit my president. I never voted for him. He did not win the popular vote. He would not have won the electoral college without Republican cheating at voter suppression and Russian influence through email chicanery. But the terrible things he has done so far have not gotten him removed from office. Republicans still treat him as if he were a rational adult. And Fox News is not only putting lipstick on the pig, they are covering him in red, white, and blue frosting and molding him into the shape of an American Eagle. Why do we put up with these tactics?
Perhaps other cartoonists and I are the only ones who see him for what he really is. He’s an ignorant con man put into a position of power by billionaires so they can foist their evil agenda on us and have him rubber-stamp it with faux legitimacy.
The betrayal of the DACA Dreamers was fifteen straws beyond the last straw for me. Who is planning to remove him from office immediately? I want to help. I don’t believe in solving problems with guns, but I can throw a mean banana cream pie of satire and sarcasm. I’m actually Hell at pie-whacking faces. I can attempt to hurt him with rotten tomatoes of jokery and the silly string of mockery too. But even the image of this buffoon in cheap clothing with long red ties is immune to the assaults of mere humor. He never gets the joke, and it is never on him. It is on us instead.
He hurts too many good people by taking away things that they need. He may have damaged the way sick people access health care to the point that many, including me, will die for lack of funds. He de-values human life by pardoning racist criminals like Arpaio and praising malevolent dictators like Putin. He puts human life at risk by taunting another irrational man-baby who also has nukes to play chicken with.
And no effort to remove him from office for crimes which he obviously committed and shows no signs of anything but guilt about will be made by the party now in power.
So what will you do to bring back our country and our supposed sanity? Tell me. I want to hear a plan. I stand ready with foam rubber whack bats to take the best shots I am capable of to help. And I am not the only one. (Truly, I drew none of the cartoons in this post myself. Good cartoonists are legion in this day and age.)
Filed under angry rant, cartoon review, cartoons, commentary, feeling sorry for myself, humor, irony, pessimism, rants, satire, self pity