These are Warhammer 40,000 Harlequin Warriors I painted myself.
Over the years I have played many role-playing games. Virtually always I have done so as the game master, the dungeon master, the story-teller behind the action. Players decide what to do about the story problems I represent to them. They have characters that have painstakingly advanced in skills and levels of skills to use for the problem-solving the plot centers around. But ultimately, when they take action, the outcomes are decided by a roll of the dice.
Life is like that. You labor hard to control what happens next in your life. But random chance intervenes. If you are the Harlequin Space Elf known as Smiley Creaturefeature (the masked elf in the green robe on the front row, far left in the picture above) and your band of high level Harlequin War Dancers have come to Checkertown City Square hunting for your hated enemy, Bone-sucker the Space Orc, it is entirely possible when you use your scanner operator skills to find him, you could roll a “1” on the twenty-sided dice. This would mean failure. Not merely failure, but failure on a spectacular level. The scanner would explode, killing your entire squad, yourself included. And all those weeks of building the character up to level 17 in order to defeat Bone-sucker and his mutant minions, would be lost and become all-for-nothing in the disappointment department.
Of course, a benevolent game master would alter the outcome in some way to keep the story going. Perhaps the exploding scanner, instead of killing everyone, created a mini worm hole in the fabric of space-time and transported them to a parallel dimension where Bone-sucker is actually the chaotic good hero of Checkertown, and you must now work out an alliance with him to fight his enemies, the other-dimensional versions of you that are actual Evil Smiley Creaturefeature and his band of Evil Harlequin Space Elves. You must then defeat your evil selves carrying out the evil plot that the game master had originally designed for the villain Bone-sucker to employ before returning to your own original dimension.
Real life does not work that way. It works more like you see above. The lovely, metal-bikini-clad female barbarian of swimming pool repair is faced with the attack of the giant rats of city pool inspection, necessary electrical repair, and limited finances. You can see, if you look incredibly carefully at the purple twenty-sided dice, that her defensive attack roll is a “2” for catastrophic failure. Her sword cuts off her own leg and causes personal bankruptcy. The giant rats roll a lucky “13” on the black twenty-sided dice for successful tooth and claw attacks. They then go on to eat her and force the pool to be removed from the property, using up all the money the player (who is me, by the way) has left.
No game master steps in to create a more reasonable outcome. The worst possible outcome is what happens. That is how real life works. Roll the dice, and lose your swimming pool.
Tumbling the Trumpinator
It has gone beyond the realm of credibility. How can a pumpkin-headed orangutan with a belly full of racial hatred and Islamophobia still be nominally running this country? Has he not committed enough irredeemable sins to be sent to Hell, directly to Hell, do not pass GO and do not collect $200!? I think he stole all the “Get out of jail free” cards before the game ever started.
I have never called this Twitter twit-wit my president. I never voted for him. He did not win the popular vote. He would not have won the electoral college without Republican cheating at voter suppression and Russian influence through email chicanery. But the terrible things he has done so far have not gotten him removed from office. Republicans still treat him as if he were a rational adult. And Fox News is not only putting lipstick on the pig, they are covering him in red, white, and blue frosting and molding him into the shape of an American Eagle. Why do we put up with these tactics?
Perhaps other cartoonists and I are the only ones who see him for what he really is. He’s an ignorant con man put into a position of power by billionaires so they can foist their evil agenda on us and have him rubber-stamp it with faux legitimacy.
The betrayal of the DACA Dreamers was fifteen straws beyond the last straw for me. Who is planning to remove him from office immediately? I want to help. I don’t believe in solving problems with guns, but I can throw a mean banana cream pie of satire and sarcasm. I’m actually Hell at pie-whacking faces. I can attempt to hurt him with rotten tomatoes of jokery and the silly string of mockery too. But even the image of this buffoon in cheap clothing with long red ties is immune to the assaults of mere humor. He never gets the joke, and it is never on him. It is on us instead.
He hurts too many good people by taking away things that they need. He may have damaged the way sick people access health care to the point that many, including me, will die for lack of funds. He de-values human life by pardoning racist criminals like Arpaio and praising malevolent dictators like Putin. He puts human life at risk by taunting another irrational man-baby who also has nukes to play chicken with.
And no effort to remove him from office for crimes which he obviously committed and shows no signs of anything but guilt about will be made by the party now in power.
So what will you do to bring back our country and our supposed sanity? Tell me. I want to hear a plan. I stand ready with foam rubber whack bats to take the best shots I am capable of to help. And I am not the only one. (Truly, I drew none of the cartoons in this post myself. Good cartoonists are legion in this day and age.)
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Tagged as politics, rebellious opinions, satire, Trump complaints