Sincerest Apologizes, Mr. Mohamed

This picture is from Ahmed's sister's cell phone... I think.

This picture is from Ahmed’s sister’s cell phone… I think.

Dear Ahmed Mohamed,

I am sorry that Texas is what it is.  Land of the big white lie and home of the brave-if-you-don’t-confront-them-with-people-they-don’t-understand sort of cowboys.  I am a veteran Texas teacher with a lot of English as a Second Language teaching experience.  I am quite familiar with kids like you.  You built something wonderful that worked and showed off your electrical engineering skills and your future promise as an inventor.  It was a clock.  And you wanted to show it to your engineering teacher… which you did.  And he was impressed.  But he told you not to show it to your other teachers for a very good reason.  Some of them are white people.  Some of them are Texas conservatives.  And you had no way of knowing how they would see a Muslim kid with a strange wired-up device in his back pack.  The rest of the world does not look at such things with the fearful eyes of a cowboy conservative, or automatically make the assumptions that were made.  You see, these people love guns and shooting stuff with a deep abiding passion that they really can’t believe other people don’t share.  It is an unfortunate feature of being a cowboy conservative that they are addicted to Bubba-thinking.

In case you forgot about what actually happened I have included some YouTube videos to refresh your memory.

Bubba-thinking allows cowboy conservatives to convince themselves that the solution to violence in schools and terrorist threats is a “good-guy with a gun”.  They think that some clear-thinking hero-type (white guy) can make a correct assessment of a possible threat in a split second, and quickly react, taking out the threat with a well-placed shot that would never miss the intended target and do damage somewhere else, thus rendering the “bad-guy” (usually brown or black) sincerely executed without the need for an expensive trial that might only have let him walk away from his crime, or intended crime, a free but wiser (also living) man.  Bubbas believe with the fervor of religion that “bad-guys” need to get what’s coming to them.

So, this is why they arrested you.  To prevent you from killing innocent school children with your clock which might’ve somehow turned out to be a bomb, because you are from the same part of the world as those evil, icky ISIS guys that cut people’s heads off.  They suspended you from school because, even though no bomb squad was called to diffuse your clock, and they soon learned that it was only a homemade clock, they were convinced that you were trying to scare people and become famous with a hoax bomb, the law they actually invoked to cover up their mistreatment of you.


I hope you are happy in your new school.  I hope you appreciate that you have the last laugh in all of this because the notoriety and viral Facebook fame you have achieved will open more doors for you and take you to places far beyond the simple teacher’s approval you were seeking for your inventive talents.  And I hope in your new school you will have fewer encounters with the Bubba-thinking of some Texas teachers.

Sincerely and with apologies,



Filed under commentary, humor, racial profiling

3 responses to “Sincerest Apologizes, Mr. Mohamed

  1. Well played. This story is old as the hills, where a group fears newcomers and sees their way of life going away, so they create enemies out of everyone else. Much of the fervor from our strident base of Cowboy Conservatives as you call them is demographic. As White Americans become a plurality and not a majority, all of the problems are being placed on the laps of others. It is there fault. So, they buy into the venal Radio and TV Shock Jocks’ spiel and become active with their hateful rhetoric.

    Trump had a chance to quash a couple of Cowboy Conservatives yesterday who said Obama is a Muslim and not an American. And, the problem with America is Muslims. But, the sad part is Trump helped perpetuate this in 2012 with his continuation of the birther BS. I want to say to Trump, Cruz, etc. you purposefully wound these folks up, so it is up to tell them to cool their jets. If you don’t, then your entire party will be painted with that broad brush you like to paint people with.

    • Yes, I like to blame everything on Ted Cruz, but he didn’t get that way all by himself. He’s just the easiest fascist-clown-cowboy-lizardman to make fun of. But they are out of control when they can influence teachers who should know better to demonize a sweet, nerdy enthusiastic kid like Ahmed. I taught kids that are exactly like him. You only have to listen to them talk for a couple of minutes to know they are not the sinister threats they are painted to be.

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