Tag Archives: Paffoonies

Writing in My Head

Okay, I am justifying and vilifying today because yesterday I didn’t write 500 words… the first time in 2015… not in my blog, not in my novels, not even counting text messages.   I had extenuating circumstances.  I went to a movie, Disney’s Inside Out which made me laugh and made me cry like any good Disney/Pixar movie always does.  Then I got a message that one of my children went into the hospital in Florida.  And I have been down and out with a bad back, so I missed the Florida trip all together… (the child is fine, by the way, thanks for asking that in your head while reading this).  But all of that stuff and nonsense is really just an excuse for a dastardly act of cowardice.  I didn’t write a full 500 words.  How dare I?   This writing thing has now become my sacred mission from God.  After all, I retired from the first sacred mission because poor health was God’s way of telling me, “MICKEY, IT IS TIME TO BE A WRITER.”  Really!  He talks to me in all capital letters just like that.

girl n bird

And you have probably noticed already that I am doing stream-of-consciousness writing for today’s post, a useful form of pre-writing that is known for producing lots of garbage to go along with the gemstones-in-the-rough.  My mind is still boiling with emotional turmoil and upset and less-than-critical thinking…  The reasons for that are understandable… I am guessing. …  But I think the point is (if points are possible in this no-win game I am playing, and losing, called Old Age) that I am never really not writing.  I have two novels in rough drafting at the same time.  Both When the Captain Came Calling and Stardusters and Space Lizards are both on my task bar at this very moment.  I add new inspirations for the next canto every time a new light bulb clicks on over my little furry head.

20150216_152544 Happy Doodle
swallowtail

So the ideas are already there for several pieces of writing that I simply have to sit down and knock out on the keyboard.  Potentially I have way more than a mere 500 words waiting to blossom and unfold like flowers into paragraphs of purple paisley prose.  (Since this is as close as a writer can come to showing how he actually thinks, I guess I have also answered a question that many who try to read my writing have been wondering about… I really do think in loopty-loops with streamers attached and a knot in the tail.)  Writing is not something I can ever be accused of not doing because writing and thinking are the same thing… the only difference between the 500 per day and the leventie-leven trillion in my head is your access to it in a form that is written down and edited (well, at least re-read for typos… I kinda like leaving the stuff and nonsense… and moldy bananas… in the final product because I can pass that particular form of goofiness off as humor).  (And, yes, it just helped me pass 500 for today.)

3 Comments

Filed under humor, NOVEL WRITING, Paffooney

Another Dadgum Post About Pirates

This one isn’t about Bank of America or Aetna… specifically.  It is just me adding to my cartoon vault and the story of the pirates in Fantastica.20141211_153054

This is the second panel of the story that can be found at The Pirate Vault

BT

And panels three and four are all I have gotten done on this comic so far.

20150622_162507

This nonsense will all be continued in upcoming days, and the whole thing is in my cartoon vault.

Leave a comment

Filed under cartoons, humor, Paffooney

The Mother of all Vacations

Dead pool

Well, vacation is a complicated idea around here any more.  I sit here blogging while my family is on vacation in Florida with the camper.  They went to see my son in the Marine Corps graduate from his MOS class, and they are staying for the beaches.  I got left behind because, for me, breathing and camping no longer seem to be something I can do both at the same time.  So, I opted to stay at home alone with the dog and the air conditioner to continually walk the dog, pick up dog poop in the park, and practice breathing.  Breathing is hard with COPD.   Chronic Obstructed Pulmonary Disorder basically means I have far too much lutefisk residue clogging up the storage sheds in my lungs.  (For those of you who don’t know about the horrors of living as an Iowegian… lutefisk is a dish made by Scandahoovians from Norway out of white fish soaked in lye soap until it turns into a kind of bad-tasting poisonous Jello.  Iowegians eat it constantly, and claim to love it, though I have it on good authority that eating it builds up your immunity to death… because what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.  And the funny thing is, I don’t even eat lutefisk.  Lutefisk in the air back in my youth has managed to encrust my lungs with lutefisk residue.  That, or the toxic chemicals we used to spray on the soybean fields… Naw, I’m pretty sure it is the lutefisk.)  (That last parenthetic expression just squeezed into third place all time on my longest parenthetic expression list.)  (But only by two words.)

mickey in powder

So, I chose this lonely vacation from vacationing because I kinda like breathing, and I am definitely not ready to risk finding out if the lutefisk in my lungs has actually made me immune to death in the Iowegian tradition.  And so, what happens while I am staying home alone with the dog?  Bill came to visit.  Bill is a tropical storm.  After the record setting water-soaked Texas month of May he is not a welcome visitor.  Take a look again at my family’s swimming pool.  That pool has about thirty cracks on the bottom perfect for making it act more like a sieve than a pool.  It has only held a few cup-fulls of rancid mosquito-water for the past three swimming seasons.  I had fallen far enough behind sticking chewing gum in the cracks that it does not hold water.  It was finally beginning to empty before Bill showed up and added six inches just today.  And rain is so good for COPD in the most sarcastic way I can possibly write those particular words.  I did not need Bill to visit.  I find I am forced to live with his visit, and he is not even a relative.

So I have been stuck in bed, drawing cartoons about Pirates who rob people by being bankers and throwing me into the powder room as their prisoner, practicing hard on my breathing, and feeling very depressed about missing vacation.  But, it occurs to me that, since I am now retired from teaching… for an entire school year already… and too ill most of the time to try to make extra money as a Walmart greeter, smiling and saying hello to ugly fat people in warm-up sweatpants, like I had planned and claimed I was looking forward to doing…  I am actually on the longest vacation of my life.  Longer even than the two jobless years of substitute teaching the Wicked Witch of Creek Valley sentenced me to.  I may actually be on vacation now for the rest of my life.  Whoa, baby!  Bring on the babes in bikinis… the non-alcoholic Margaritas… there is already water in the pool!

Leave a comment

Filed under humor, Paffooney, vacations

Cartoon Nuts n’ Bolts… Mostly Nuts

I am setting out to make a web comic that I can post piece by piece on my blog and then build into a graphic novel in my vault.  But that is a harder task than you might realize.  The stories exist in rough draft form, very, very rough, but will have to be re-drawn to turn into something publishable.  Naked cartoons are a problem for me.  Not only do I draw them while I am naked because I have considerable discomfort from moderate plaque psoriasis and sitting in the nude is less painful, but I have a tendency to use naked ideas and even draw naked toons…which all need to be toned down to be publishable.  I do believe that naked is funny… but I don’t hold with naked and crude or naked and gross.  So I am going to rebuild these stories element by element and put some clothes on them.  Unfortunately, I don’t have enough money to buy the equipment I need to draw directly on computer.  I also don’t have any real practice at that.  So, I am stuck with drawing on paper with pen and ink and colored pencil, and then digitizing the result with a camera and photo-shop.  So here are some cartoon elements that I will now start whittling into shape.  I will try to show you my process here as much as it is possible to do.

Here’s some nuts;fantcartoon1

Raygun Ronny

fantcartoon3

And here’s a bolt;

fantcartoon2

And if you can figure out how it all fits together already, then you are definitely smarter than I am.  I will be busy in the next few days trying to figure out how to insert Tab A into Slot C without giving that phrase any unfortunate double meanings… and I will do my best to keep you posted and show you the results.

Leave a comment

Filed under cartoons, humor, work in progress

The Haunting

I have been resting and recuperating, but also planning for the worst.  I mean, when I am ill I often get a little depressed because I know what has to eventually happen to me.  I am not immortal.  So I have been having some fun planning all the people I will haunt when I become a ghost.

Haunting

Ghosts are usually around for the sake of cosmic justice, seeking to wrong the rights done to them in life (did I say that backwards?  Maybe so).   So, my first task will be to choose the ones I will haunt because of how they helped shorten my life and contribute to the misery I’ve endured.

I really thought the best place to start grinding axes was in the political arena.  (The sound of grinding axes would be spooky, wouldn’t it?  Especially in a State capitol building like the big pink-marble mausoleum in Texas.)  I would very much like to haunt the people who helped kill me with stress by making it so difficult to be a Texas teacher.  This State is rather anti-education, at least since the conservative Republicans took over and made the State their sovereign province for perpetuity.  Rick Perry and the Republican agenda have slashed budgets for education, cut teacher jobs… especially in the arts and music areas, and set up a system of State tests to measure educational progress that are rigged to show that we are failing in Texas to provide a decent basic education.  (If you make the test harder and harder at the same time you make the stakes higher and higher every single year, you are bound to get results that show educators doing worse and worse.  And, of course, the tests are designed by lawyers consulting with test-makers… no teachers allowed in the process.)  So I can haunt Rick Perry to wrong that right.  (Okay, I am saying that backwards because “right” also means “conservative”, and it is apparent that they hate education, especially for people of color and people who are poor.  Can’t have those unfortunates reading up on basic human rights, now can we?)

So, I plan to haunt Rick Perry by spelling out threatening messages in his alphabet soup.  That’ll get him, right?  Scare him out of his cowboy boots, maybe?  Heck… I don’t know for certain that Rick can read, do I?  Not even with the glasses he wears now to look smarter.  And his successor, Greg Abbot, can he read?  He is advertising his latest education initiative to make education in Texas #1 by establishing higher standards in preschool and the lower grades.  That will make education better, right?  Make the little kids reach higher scores on harder tests?  And do it by passing a law that they have to reach those standards or the schools will be punished?  Not spending more money or anything.  Heck, he probably doesn’t even eat alphabet soup.  What scarier things can a teacher ghost do?  I will have to think harder on this subject.  And I am thinking I want to haunt more people too.  I just have to decide who.  So maybe I save some of my spookier insights into what I will do as a ghost until another post.  Let me end by giving you an idea of what I want old Rick to look like when I haunt his sorry old cowboy behind.

f61a2_141211163212-vantagewire-rick-perryscared-texas-620xa

3 Comments

Filed under humor, Paffooney, satire

The Mickey Himself

I was desperate for a daily topic and trying to pull together all the best Senator Ted Cruz jokes I could think of when this message from my publisher, PDMI appeared on Facebook;


Daven Anderson

May 31 at 3:52pm · Edited

Good evening PDMI family!
Attention new PDMI team members: I would like to run features about you on our company Facebook pages. Don’t worry if you don’t have a book ready, these posts are about you. What drives you. What got you here to PDMI. Your hobbies and interests. Who *you* are.
Message me, the PDMI Publishing Facebook page, or e-mail me at (his proper email address not revealed here)@pdmipublishing.com.
Thank you! smile emoticon

Aha!  I can write about myself, post it here to count for my goal of posting on WordPress every day this year, and then send it to him to fulfill this request.  That right there tells you a lot about me.  No, I don’t mean that I’m lazy.  Although I do re-post  a lot of old Paffoonies on this blog (https://catchafallingstarbook.wordpress.com/).  It means I have to be efficient and economize my best efforts.  I was a Texas public school teacher for 31 years, ending in a retirement last Spring because I suffer both from six incurable diseases, and the need to become a published author before I croak.  I have forty years worth of stories in me that have to get out in whatever time I have left.  I am ill and having breathing trouble today as I try to knock this post out at my usual 500 words plus of finished prose per day (that’s the minimum I have set for myself).  To date I have successfully published my book Catch a Falling Star that I published the hard way through I-Universe (now owned by Penguin Books).  That, however, is the hard way to publish.  All the editorial help and marketing help offered by I-Universe is offered for a price.  I had to write the book well enough to pass all their editorial standards and I had to pay a hefty sum of money for the privilege.  So, with the next novel project, I finished writing, and made it to the finals of Chanticleer Book Reviews YA novel contest, and then sought a new publisher, pdmipublishing.com, who agreed to publish Snow Babies and gave me a publishing contract in which I no longer need to pay out of pocket to get my precious stories into print.  So, it is safe to say writing is now my second career, and if I starve to death in old age it won’t be because the government basically hates teachers.  No, that isn’t accurate either.  The government doesn’t hate teachers (not even the Texas government); they only hate having to pay them for their work.  To finish up, I should make a list of my many life-consuming useless hobbies, but blogging is one of them, so you can read about doll collecting, comic books, and other such nonsense on my blog.  I am also an amateur cartoonist, which I will prove with a couple of my picture Paffoonies that I created to go with my novels;

My Art 2 of Davalon Val B22

3 Comments

Filed under humor, NOVEL WRITING, Paffooney

Five More Pages

When you are reading a good book, it is hard to stop even though you know you’ve no reading time left.  It is hard to put the thing down.  My comic book, Hidden Kingdom, is absolutely nothing like that.  I am doing five pages today, and no more.  I am adding them also to my vault.  So maybe today’s the day you would be better served to go look at the whole thing (so far) in the vault.

Hidden Kingdom

Here are today’s five pages (along with another look at my goofy cover)

HK1

HKx12 HKx13 HKx14 HKx15 HKx16

Leave a comment

Filed under cartoons, fairies, humor

Ghost Post #2

I am getting better. but the headaches have not gone away and it is hard to write.  Give me time and I will do better.

Updated Cartoon Shorts

4th Dimension

toon1

Leave a comment

Filed under cartoons, humor, Paffooney

Building Castle Walls

Some people might say I was born in the wrong century.  I love castles and knights and everything medieval.  Of course, the Dungeons and Dragons part of my life, my twenties and early thirties (1980’s and 1990’s) only made the situation worse.  I am cursed by a desire to build castle walls.

cardcastle10I mean both figuratively and literally, of course.  I have blogged already about incessant cardboard constructions that I can’t help but build and add to my ever-increasing set of Dungeons and Dragons toys.  And always it is for the sake of the story.  I love not only making the castle walls and castle buildings, but also the castle people.  It flows in an unbroken stream of goofiness from cardboard and paper to brick and wooden towers and finally to knights and wizards and commoners and goblins.  It takes all kinds to fill a kingdom.

20150314_203024Figuratively, I keep hoping to build ramparts against the coming enemies that I know are lurking, waiting to attack and take my life.  I have six incurable diseases and am a cancer survivor.  I had two benign lumps removed from my body this school year.  I can no longer teach because of health.  I can’t supplement my retirement income, because part-time jobs I can physically do are either too distant to travel to or simply not available.  The Dire Wolf of Poverty and the Grim Reaper are both sniffing around my barbican, looking for the way inside the castle.

But I continue to people my castle with new and fascinating folk.  Endless elves and half-elves, were-creatures, and halflings all take up residence in my imaginary castles.  They take over my art, my house, and sometimes… even this blog.

D&D6166

D&D6161 001

D&D61611 001

D&D6167 001

These are just a few of the interesting folks I’ve invited into my house and my life through the windows of my imagination.

And the most fascinating thing about this whole castle-building thing is that it touches my life in so many places.  I am sincerely addicted to castle-building games on Facebook like Magecraft and Stormfall.

11357256_1141230099235945_8866799888611511386_o

11128353_1141257355899886_5257883832425561483_o

I have used those moments when I am waiting for things… telephone calls to insurance offices that put me on endless hold, those times after midnight when body aches wake me and I can’t get back to sleep, winding down after doing whatever yard work or house work that I can, and even when I am in the pre-writing stage letting ideas percolate.  I came up with this lame idea for a blog while watching my troops take down marauders in Magecraft.  And these games let me people the castles too.

11109428_1141260385899583_1275513765241979699_n hero_savannah 11406998_1141260452566243_8100768677957775231_n hero_dante

So I spend a good share of my days now building and mending castle walls.  Of course, I know the enemies I am trying to defend against are both undeterred and unimpressed by castle walls.  They are immune to my vain attempts at constructing defenses.  But even though the darkness looms on the horizon, I still have some of my bright, shining day left.  And there is something majestic about castles with towers and walls.

557987_398325006894664_1658533625_n

4 Comments

Filed under humor, making cardboard castles, Paffooney

Blog Happy

At the outset of 2015, back on January 1st, I made a plan to blog every single day of the year.  Now in June I am nearing the halfway point and I haven’t missed a single day.  I was worried at the outset that I would quickly run out of ideas or have to re-post a lot of old writing.  But I hammered out a goal of writing 500 words every day… not rough draft words, but polished words that were as near to finished writing as I can get without obsessive-compulsive editing and the post-traumatic stress syndrome that causes.  I found out that the more I write, the more the well refills with fresh prose needing to be drawn out in my daily bucket-full.

20150603_130957

I am supposing that it doesn’t hurt that I have been in poor health and spend a lot of my day in bed where I do the writing.  You have more time to write when you are limited in what you can do every day.  For instance, wasting a day water-skiing is not really an option.  Neither is mountain-climbing, tennis-playing, race-running. and acrobatic maneuvers in a space-plane.  Well, I actually do some of that last thing… but only in my science fiction stories.  Moose-chasing, pun-hunting, time-travelling, working elaborate voodoo spells, and swashbuckling are the things I really do… and I do them in my imagination.

Wings of Imagination

It also really doesn’t hurt my overall goals that I am a cartoonist and I draw constantly.  It gives me plenty of visual punch punch to fill up spaces between paragraphs, and I have real, honest-to-god professional writer friends that say the visuals are a key to good blogging now and in the near future.  People respond more to the pictures than the prose.

20150531_193215 20150531_193228 20150603_112214

I really can draw upon my life for topics.  I recently read an article that claims stress and uncertainty in day-to-day life fuels creativity and writing efficacy.  So that is good news for me.  The house is falling apart.  The weather has gone from a serious five-year drought to record spring rainfall.  The ground our house is built on is shifting with the transition from shriveled to soaked like a sponge.  So the foundation is cracking and the rafters will soon be landing on our heads.  The flower garden that is the yard is turning into more of a jungle.  I am in no condition health-wise to mow and maintain, but the city will fine us a lot of money I don’t have if I don’t do something to curb the jungle’s enthusiastic spread.  And of course the dog produces five times her weight in dog poop every day.  (Here’s that disturbing thing about poop references turning up in my posts again.)  But the exercise I am forced to get from dealing with those problems on a daily basis is probably keeping my heart going and keeping me alive.  And, besides, ranting about troubles is a source of humor and gives me something to write about.

Denny&Tommy1 superchick_novel My Art 2 of Davalon class Miss Mcover

Now, I started blogging in 2013 because my publisher at the time, I-Universe, told me it was a necessary part of marketing my book.  They neglected to tell me that I would be the only one marketing my books and that I would probably never see a penny of profit in my lifetime from writing, but that’s the breaks, ain’t it?  There is a very good chance that, even though I have been published more than once, and though editors say my writing is good, my books will never be read widely during my lifetime.  I may get discovered along the way given enough time and endurance… but I may just be writing books for my own satisfaction and reading pleasure.  It is the nature of the beast in this day and age that being a good writer and a mediocre marketer is a recipe for failure, while being a poor writer and a good marketer yields success.  So, while irony is having its way with me, I would just like to say… blogging is now where I find my happiness… and thank you for reading my blog.

6 Comments

Filed under humor, NOVEL WRITING, Paffooney