Yes, there is a James Bond villain who has targeted Texas freeways, liberal politics, and Facebook in general. He is a bad, bad man who likes to inflame arguments, create racial tension, and fan the fires of road rage. So, this is my attempt to call this bad man out and make you aware of at least some of what he’s doing.
First of all, I know a way that you can prevent Badfinger’s minions from driving on Teexas roadways. You can cut off the middle finger of both hands, and those minions don’t know how to drive any longer. I saw that in action today as I took my number two son to the oral surgeon to have four wisdom teeth extracted (and yes, I know that is probably a bad idea, but he didn’t really have that much wisdom with the teeth still in, anyway). To get into the proper turning lane, I chose a spot I thought I could get into. I pulled up to the spot with my turn signal on so the driver in that lane could clearly see my intention. He zoomed up to close the opening and gave me the middle-finger-indication of his approximate I.Q. as measured by driving habits. So, I decided to go behind him. But he immediately, without signaling, tried to ram his way through to the lane I was patiently waiting in. I had to back my car up while sitting, waiting for the light to change. The guy behind me felt he needed to signal his I.Q. But he was apparently smarter by one than the other driver as it took both hands to accomplish this feat. When the light turned green, the minion in front of me reminded me of his I.Q. again and zoomed into my lane and passed three cars in the lane he was originally in, then forced his way back into the lane to make the turn. This bit of gracious roadway etiquette accomplished two things the driver probably didn’t intend. One, he nearly got his precious BMW dented by the car he cut in front of, and two, his mad swoop left a void in his lane that I could get into so that I might safely round the corner on the next green light.
John Kasich flipping the byrd at teachers.
Another minion of Badfinger is a politician that, until recently, I thought was one of the least evil of the toxic clowns in the Republican Volkswagen, John Kasich. He proved to be an enemy of mine because recently he put the finger on the entire problem with education, teacher’s lounges. Apparently it is not enough to take strong union representation away from teachers. He doesn’t want evil communist teachers getting together to complain about class sizes, increasing teacher layoffs, reduced funding, and increasingly draconian testing rules in bastions of communist union power, which he believes are the insidious teacher’s lounges. I’m not sure why he thinks he’s punishing teachers by taking that cramped little misappropriated closet space away from us. What will we lose? A place to make copies on the xerox machine? Our departments have no money for paper or ink. A place to put our lunches in an antique refrigerator which may or may not prevent spoilage at temperatures a little warmer than room temperature? Most of us can’t afford the slice of our fifteen minute lunch hour to walk all the way to the other side of campus and go up two flights of stairs. But he doesn’t want us to have a place to bad mouth the government that exists only to make our lives harder. And he doesn’t realize that most teachers save their gruesome and evil plans for rebellion until they can meet together at Hop Xing’s Bar and Grill (now with Karaoke) at a time of day when it no longer matters if they get totally schnockered, or if they burst into spontaneous karaoke versions of Journey songs. Teachers will continue to do the job even without the lavish teacher lounges that don’t actually exist anyway.
So, what am I proposing we do to combat Badfinger and his multiple minions in the fight for God and country and a little respect? How about an anti-bloviator ray gun that we can disguise as an ink pen? It might prove useful against Donald Trump and other Republicans that are our potential next President and chief vilifier of rogue educators. How about a secret politeness pill that we can slip into the drinking water and make everybody, Badfinger’s minions included, into nicer people? I’m sure those things will never get voted for… primarily because we really need them.