Tag Archives: drawing

Teaching Los Vatos Locos

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I have spent the majority of my teaching career teaching Spanish speakers in South Texas.  So, believe me when I say that for a gringo like me, there has to be some kind of art to it.  I have taught so many surly, excessively macho boys and very feminine, but definitely aggressive girls, that I think I may have found an insight or two on how to do it.

First, you must be brave.  And you must recognize that bravery means remaining outwardly calm while on the inside your heart is pounding wildly and you are fighting not to wet your pants.  My first year we had to walk our eighth grade boys to and from the cafeteria four blocks away on another campus.  I, being a rookie teacher, was given the delightful job of forcing the two most evil vato locos (crazy dudes) to return to classes and schoolwork after lunch instead of wandering off for the afternoon.  I had to face down El Mouse and El Talan and convince them to catch up to the rest of the class without killing me.  I have to say, at that point I did not have a forceful personality and could not give the laser eye of death that all South Texas teachers need to develop.  I didn’t make the mistake of saying please, but implied I could actually do something to them to make their lives more miserable if they didn’t let themselves be herded along like cattle.  El Talan picked up a metal fence post as if it was a baseball bat, and I got the chance to review my whole short life for a few tense seconds.  But they relented.  I didn’t show fear, and they put down the post and sauntered on with their lives.  I got them back to the corral for afternoon classes.  Both of them went to prison after dropping out of school.  Both of them are dead now.  One was killed by a rival drug dealer.  I made the mistake of telling that tale to my mother.  At the time, she nearly submitted my resignation for me.

Second, I learned you must have a heart.  Veteran teachers told me that I should not smile before winter break, and even then, I should only smile at students’ misfortunes.   That advice turned out to be a vat of puppy doo.  I learned early on that students are people.  They have feelings.  They will return what they get.  Unfortunately they often dish out what they get from other teachers, from parents, and even from local law enforcement.  But more than once I was given a kid that everyone else said was a bad kid, and I treated that kid like a human bean… er, I mean being… and was forever after that kid’s favorite teacher, and someone that they would do anything for.  I was one of those teachers who kids return to visit.  Faces would appear in my doorway often like so many blooming flowers, blossoms lit up with sunshine.  They would be high school kids who came back to get an encouraging word, or graduates coming by to tell me how successful they were.  Often they came because of something they remembered from class.  They felt they had to share their sunshine.  Believe me, sometimes it was vital to me to be able to continue to get a little of that sunlight in the midst of daily darkness.

I have to confess, I did not reach every kid.  Some have made poor choices and died from them.  Some have turned to the dark side of the force and are unrepentantly Darth Vader.  Some I could not stand and did everything in my power to extinguish their bad behaviors with punishments that never worked.  Some that I could not stand were among the ones that came back to visit too.  Funny how you can do everything you possibly can to defeat a kid, and they will still come around, still tell you that you were their favorite teacher, and the only thing they remembered about middle school was something that happened in your classroom. It’s not even always something you want them to remember.

The kid in today’s Paffooney was not one of the bad ones.  Manuel was the son of a border patrol agent.  He was smart.  He knew what was right and what was wrong.  I don’t know where he is now, or what he is doing, but I believe in him, and I know he was worth every effort I ever put into teaching him.

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I am Popeye

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I am Popeye, I sez, because I just am…  Yeah, that’s right, I yam what I yam. 

First of all, I looks like Popeye.  I has that cleft in my chin, very little hair left on my ol’ head, and I gots the same squinky eye (what squinky eye?).  I has had that same squinky eye since I wuz a teenager and got kicked in the eye doin’ sandlot football (bettern’ sandlot high divin’, fer sure!).  I also has them same bulgy arms, the ones that bulge in the forearm and is incredibobble thin on the upper arms.

Second of all, I has Popeye Spinach-strength.  I look weak and scrawny, but I is a lot tuffer than I looks.  I go into classrooms full of wild, crazed high schoolers, and grabs their attention, tells ’em what’s what, and makes ’em woik.  (Woik is a voib, and that means I is woikin’ when I makes ’em do it.)  I kin stands ridicule and kids what will remarks on the hair in my ears and my squinky eye.  I tells ’em that the scar on my face was did by a bloke with a knife (which it were, cause I had skin cancer and the doctor used a knife to get it off).  I have taken all kinds of nasty punches from life (diabetes, blood-pressure problems, prostatitis, arthritis) and I still keeps comin’ back fer more.  In fact, I can winds up me arm and give that ol’ Devil a good Twisker Sock right in the kisser.

Third of all, I has a typical Popeye Sweet Patootie.  My Island Girl Wife is like Olive Oyl in very many ways.  She is always tellin’ me what to do.  She compares me to ol’ Bluto.  She panics and flails her arms when there’s a crisis.  And she expects me to always save the day and never says “thank you” after.

So, I mean it when I sez “I am Popeye”.  I yam what I yam and that’s all what I yam!

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600! Yay!

600!  Yay!

I have been social media marketing for just over a year now. 208 followers on WordPress. 602 likes on my Facebook novel page, Catch a Falling Star. What does it all mean? Well, no one is reading my books still, so it means, “Write more books!” cries a crazed Mickey who is like Sisyphus in that he doesn’t know what will happen at the top of that hill.

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January 17, 2014 · 3:45 am

Snow Babies (Proof that I’m not a loser as a writer)

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My novel Snow Babies that I submitted to Chanticleer Book Reviews for the Dante Rossetti Awards for Young Adult Fiction has been awarded a place among thirty-one finalists.  Here is the link; http://chantireviews.com/chanticleer-contest-deadlines-and-announcement-projections/finalists-for-the-dante-rossetti-awards-for-young-adult-fiction/

I should know by the end of January if I win or not, but the fact that I made the finals feels like vindication!

Above you see the mock-up cover that I drew for myself.  (The novel was submitted as an unpublished manuscript).  Here is another Paffooney with the main character of Snow Babies, Valerie Clarke.

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Wise Guy

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At school today the principal asked us to come up with one word that we wanted to apply to our own lives as teachers.  You know how the teaching game is.  You start a new semester; you have to be subjected to eight hours of blah-blah-blah.  It is required blah-blah-blah mandated by Texas education laws.  My magic word was wisdom.

So, what does wisdom imply?  Well, I am old.  I should have some of that thing in one pocket or another.  So I search my pockets.  As a kid I vowed to become a wizard.  What is a wizard if not a wise man?  A wise guy.  How, then, do you acquire wisdom?

In the movie Mystery Men, Ben Stiller tells us that mystical wisdom from the wise guy mystical sage is only saying a thing is its opposite.  Thus true wisdom comes from learning how foolish you really are.  It’s a good joke, but it’s also true.  You can’t be wise unless you realize how little you actually know out of all the things that there are.

Why would I want to be wise?  Well, I have the fool thing down pretty well already.  As fools go, I’m a humble fool who trades in foolishness and calls it humor and young adult novels.  So it follows, by logic, an advanced form of foolishness, that I must be wise.

Okay, wise guy, time to say something wise in the conclusion… Doh!

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Yay Mickey!

Yay Mickey!

Today I passed 200 followers on WordPress

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January 7, 2014 · 11:14 pm

Teacher! Ooh-Ooh! Teacher!

Here’s an older post I am quite proud of. (If course only idiots are too proud of things, which probably gives something away.)

authormbeyer's avatarCatch a Falling Star

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I have the privilege of being a public school teacher.  Or maybe I should use the word “cursed”.   It is no easy thing to be a teacher in the modern world.  Regressive State governments like Texas mandate that teachers do more with less.  We have to have bigger classes.  We have to show higher gains on State tests.  We have to do more for special populations based on race, disability, language-learner status, and socio-economic status.  Of course, we give money to private schools to be “fair” to all, so a majority of the well-funded and advantaged students are removed from the public school system, even though studies show that their presence in classes benefits everyone.  When the majority of students are low-income in a single classroom, even the gifted minority perform less well.  When higher-income students are at least fifty per-cent of the class, then even the low-income and…

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Of Werewolves and Evil Folks

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As a child I was like most boys of the 60’s.  I loved monsters and monster movies.    I drew skeletons and Frankenstein’s monsters.  I made comic book stories about space aliens, vampires, and wolfmen.  I filled my fantasy world with dangerous creatures of the darkness. 

It was only natural, then, that I create a story of monsters in Iowa.  I set this story in my little home town.  I created a story of a boy who was born funny (not ha-ha funny) and had to be kept out of sight in a secret attic room because he was thought a monster.  In reality, Torry had a rare hereditary condition called hypertrichosis where you grow hair all over your face and body.  Torry’s parents would mistake it for a monstrousness that they felt was the family curse, lycanthropy, werewolf disease.  And the story would have to have a hero, Todd Niland, who accidentally makes contact with and befriends Torry.

For a villain, I would draft Torry’s young and well-to-do uncle Macey.  He would be the keeper of family secrets and the real monster of the story.  What he would do to his own family and his allies would be a crime that would eventually become murder. 

So there it is.  (Shudder!)  A novel idea I will call for now The Baby Werewolf.  Deliciously dark and dangerous.  A monster masterpiece of macabre manufacture.  Of course I will obviously approach the project with my usual total seriousness.  Not one joke.  You have my solemn promise… with all my fingers and toes crossed.

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Wrestling with Themes

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I recently was advised by a fellow blogger to offer a few writing tips on my blog as a way to painlessly market my writing.  Okay, I’m a writing teacher, so I can do that.  But in my own writing I have hit a snag.  Yes, there are things much, much bigger than my humble skill as a writer.

My current novel project, the Bicycle-Wheel Genius has grown into a science-fiction monster.  It is not only about a scientist who has secret government connections, but about time travel and people changing into rabbits… or rabbits into people… or boys into girls… dogs and cats living together…   No, that is Ghostbusters. 

But it has reached a point where the most important theme is incredibly clear and difficult to deal with.  The theme I find myself weaving into this story is;  “All men are basically good.”   Gongah!  Wotta theme to try to write!  Do I believe it?  Of course I do.  Can I put the story together in such a way that  I illustrate it to the reader’s satisfaction?  Of course I can’t.  So what do I do?  This story has some of the best villains and evil people in it that I have ever written.  I can’t kill them off to solve the story’s plot problems (Well, I can, but I don’t want to).  I have to show how evil can be redeemed.

My cast of characters include the scientist himself, calmly dealing with time travelers, invading aliens, government assassins, and a group of young boys known as the Norwall Pirates.  There is a time traveler who appeared in a book within a book in my novel Catch a Falling Star.  There is also an alien space navigator who has been shot by a local Iowa Deputy Marshall and stranded on Earth.  Another character is an artificial man, an automaton who has been crafted as a government assassin made from alien technology.  Okay, I know you don’t believe I can make serious science fiction out of such crazy-quilt characters, especially with a primary theme like the one I’ve claimed.  So, I have to confess that it is not serious in any way, shape, or form.  It is a silly fantasy comedy.

So, how do I generate a theme as big and bold and important as the goodness of all men?  Well, here’s a secret recipe;

  1. Take one genius who has lost all the people he loves and has to start over with new friends and, eventually, new family.
  2. Add a brother-in-law with mental health issues and financial dependency.
  3. Add a group of young boys hungry for adventure and new experiences and a little bit short on common sense.
  4. Add a paranoid evil government that has secrets it will kill to protect (the factual part of the story).
  5. Mix well.
  6. Add vinegar.
  7. Boil at 350 degrees for a year.

 

Of course, if you thought I was giving you real writing advice, then SURPRISE!  It turns out I have been making it all up as I go along.  That’s how you do it.  You write and write, knit it all together tenuously, and then edit the heck out of it, hoping to make sense of the whole thing.

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Teachers Must Fail (Educational Ruminations about Ruination)

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The fact is, being a teacher is the same as accepting the necessity of failure.  Yes, I know it is a sort of metaphorical nightmare to say that, and I don’t mean that I am planning to give F’s to kids.  I would prefer never to fail a kid, because it means I failed the kid.  Failure is, however, the ruling factor in teaching.

In my teaching Paffooney which I call “Reluctant Rabbit Teaches a Few Good Notes”, you see me as a teacher with my pack of very diverse and desk-hopping students doing what I do best.  I teach reading by making them read, reading with them and to them, helping them to ask questions about what they read and never answering those questions for them (after all, they learn better if they do the work rather than having me do the work for them).  I teach them to write by reading what they write and responding to it, and by writing myself and sharing that with them too.  Reluctant Rabbit teaches in these two ways by using his giant magic pencil of cartoons and music to create the Great Symphony of Learning.  It turns out that teaching like this is often considered a subversive act.

But teaching is all about failure.  In Texas Education, the powers that be have constructed a system of education designed specifically to make teachers fail.  It really began with Mark White as Governor and H. Ross Perot as the mad troll of education.  Back then they decided to get rid of incompetent and idiot teachers by giving State-wide teacher idiot tests.  They gave us basic reading and writing tests to determine if we were worthy to keep our jobs.  I remember trying to comfort a very wonderful Hispanic Science teacher who was worried that her language skills would take away the job she loved.  But what they didn’t realize about teaching is that if a teacher is not basically competent, then the students will eat them.  Teaching in the classroom will remove the incompetent teacher (though not necessarily the ineffective one).

When George Bush and then Emperor-for-Life Rick Perry took over the drive to make teachers fail, they added the notion that you had to give students idiot tests and punish their teachers for the fact that students are naturally immature and basically idiots.  Teaching became less about learning stuff and more about idiot-transformation.  Stamp out idiocy by teaching them how to pass the idiot tests.

When we reached the point we were about to master the TAAS  test (Texas Assessment of Donkey-hole Students), the State decided they had to change to the TAKS test (Texas Assessment of Kooky Stuff).  We closed in on mastering TAKS, and the State quickly switched to End-Of-Course STAAR Tests (Stupid Teachers Aren’t About to Rejoice).  What has been the point of all this testing?  It is like trying to measure your child’s growth with a ruler that is constantly getting bigger.  No matter how much progress you make, it will look like the child is shrinking.  This, of course, is exactly the goal of this red State’s education system.  Public schools have to fail so the Republican masters of profit can privatize and make schools run for profit (except for poor people’s schools which are intended to properly prepare poor people for prison).

It breaks my heart, but schools are increasingly places for boosting the rich and busting the poor.  Schools that have high poverty populations, like the schools I have worked for,  are left to struggle and die on their own, grinding up young and idealistic teachers as well as old and cancerously cynical teachers that don’t believe in following the rules.  My State is not the only State trying to do away with a free and valuable public education.

Consider the case of Ruben, one of my students I once tried to help and simply couldn’t save.    Ruben was a skinny Hispanic fourteen-year-old who wasn’t living with his parents.  He bounced from grandparents to aunts to uncles and back again.  He was extremely bright and fiercely independent.  But he wouldn’t do schoolwork and didn’t seem to care if he was dooming himself to a lifetime in the seventh grade. 

A boy from a better household, a more privileged boy, began picking on Ruben.  I caught Victor pushing Ruben around and trying to goad him into a fight, a fight he knew he could win because he was bigger, heavier, and training to be a Gold Gloves boxer.

“What can I do to help, Ruben?” I asked.

“No stupid gringo can do anything to help.  I can fight my own battles.”

He had a point.  I could stop the behavior from happening in school, but once he left campus, I had no authority and the police didn’t figure it was a police matter.  So, what would the outcome be?

Ruben took care of the problem by joining a gang.  The Town Freaks in San Antonio was actually a local chapter of the Bloods from Los Angeles.  They would go on to become the San Antonio Kingz.   When Ruben was being initiated into the gang, they stole a pickup truck in South San Antonio.  They got into a car chase with the police.  The truck rolled over under an overpass and everyone in the back of the truck was killed.  Ruben was one of those.

It still makes me weep to write about it, or even think about it.  If I had had any resources at all to help that boy…  If I could have … Why did I have to fail?  But blaming myself never gives me any comfort.  I learned to do whatever I could to help kids stay away from gangs, to learn in ways that were painless, and be able to talk to an adult instead of trying to handle everything themselves.  I mentored a number of fatherless boys, or boys who had alcoholic fathers and mothers, poor kids who had nowhere else to go and nothing else to do.  We played computer games and Dungeons and Dragons, replaced by a science fiction role playing game when the Baptists objected to the original game.  I was even accused and investigated as a possible child molester because so many boys visited my apartment before I got married.  Of course, the authorities found out the truth (some of them knew before I was accused) and were a little bit embarrassed to be asking me such questions when so many people were willing to come to my defense.  I learned to dream the impossible dream.  You can actually save a kid from poverty and self-doubt.  One of my boys went to Notre Dame University.  Another went into the Marines and specialized in intelligence.  I recently learned that a couple of my former students have become teachers for the same school I labored at for over twenty-three years .

Okay, Mr. Rabbit, you have tooted your own horn, now.  Are you going to tell us that teachers don’t ultimately fail?

Sorry, I’m afraid that they do.  I am facing the end of my teaching career now.  With diabetes, arthritis, hypertension, and three more incurable diseases, I am trying to teach with diminishing energy, making a forty-five minute commute to my school across north Dallas twice every day that is going to kill me, and skills that are becoming somewhat shaky in the face of stress at work.  I am human.  I will not last much longer.  The State is busy trying to reduce the retirement that after thirty-one years I think I deserve.  It isn’t enough money to keep my family going as it is. 

And part of that failure is not entirely bad.  A new generation is bound to take over and carry on.  As I diminish, someone will rise up to take up the torch.  In fact, I need to vacate my position so someone who needs a classroom to start their career can begin to learn how to reach out to the Rubens they will encounter.  So, I apologize for promising humor and then trying to make you cry.  I probably only succeeded in bringing myself to tears.  Teachers ultimately fail just as all men eventually die, but the War on Ignorance is not yet over, and we will never have to admit defeat.

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