Word Magic

From the time I could first remember, I was always surrounded by stories. I had significantly gifted story-tellers in my life. My Grandpa Aldrich (Mom’s Dad) could spin a yarn about Dolly O’Rourke and her husband, Shorty the Dwarf, that would leave everybody in stitches. (Metaphorical, not Literal)

And my Grandma Beyer (Dad’s Mom) taught me about family history. She told me the story of how my Great Uncle, her brother, died in a Navy training accident during World War II. He was in gun turret aboard a destroyer when something went wrong, killing three in the explosion.

Words have power. They can connect you to people who died before you were ever born. They have the power to make you laugh, or make you cry.

Are you reading my words now? After you have read them, they will be “read.” Take away the “a” and they will change color. They will be “red.” Did you see that trick coming? Especially since I telegraphed it with the colored picture that, if you are a normal reader, you read the “red” right before I connected it to “reading.”

Comedy, the writing of things that can be (can bee, can dee, candee, candy) funny, is a magical sort of word wrangling that is neither fattening nor a threat to diabetes if you consume it. How many word tricks are in the previous sentence? I count 8. But that wholly depends on which “previous sentence” I meant. I didn’t say, “the sentence previous to this one.” There were thirteen sentences previous to that one (including the one in the picture) and “previous” simply means “coming before.” Of course, if it doesn’t simply mean that, remember, lying is also a word trick.

Here’s a magic word I created myself. It was a made-up word. But do a Google picture search on that word and see if you can avoid artwork by Mickey. And you should always pay attention to the small print.

So, now you see how it is. Words have magic. Real magic. If you know how to use them. And it is not always a matter of morphological prestidigitation like this post is full of. It can be the ordinary magic of a good sentence, or a well-crafted paragraph. But it is a wizardry because it takes practice, and reading, and more practice, and arcane theories spoken in the backs of old book shops, and more practice. But anyone can do it. At least… anyone literate. Because the magic doesn’t exist without a reader. So, thank you for being gullible enough for me to enchant you today.

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Filed under humor, Paffooney, strange and wonderful ideas about life, wizards, word games, wordplay, writing, writing humor, writing teacher

The Truth Behind Mickey’s Vision

Because I have glaucoma and am probably losing my eyesight during this pandemic, I am going to show you drawings of eyes today. These are Mickey’s boy-eyes.
These are Davalon’s eyes, the alien star child of Catch a Falling Star.
Dilsey’s eyes. I’ve always had a thing for brown-eyed girls.
Dilby’s foolish cartoon eyes
Firefang’s eyes. She claims to be a red dragon in human form.
Fox eyes
The eyes of Gilchrist the Blacksmith
Grampy eyes (Dilsey’s Grampy)
Angry duck eyes
Beast eyes
Island girl and shipwrecked boy eyes
Mike and Blueberry’s eyes
Radasha’s faun eyes

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As I Have Learned…

As a school teacher and a story-teller I have learned some fundamental truths about life. I am trying now to put them into words before my voice is silenced by the final page in the book of life. I have a lot to say about each of these things. But that is for future posts to explore. This is a list of things I have learned and firmly believe is true.

  1. You learn to be wise and kind and loving by living through terrible things. Some of the wisest and most loving people that were ever a part of my life were survivors of the Great Depression, World War II, the Holocaust, and racism.
  2. Every book has a final page and every life ends in death. The future presents us with a grim reality. And yet, life is worth living.

3. I published 24 books so far. Most are young adult novels, with some books of essays, an autobiographical essay about nudism, and one book of terrible poetry. Nobody is interested. Nobody reads my books. But that doesn’t mean my books were not worth writing. They are valuable to me even if they never get read.

And I have to admit, January 2025 has been my best sales month ever. Bezos is allowing me a whole $10 for the privilege.

4. In politics, it doesn’t matter what a liberal Democrat says or does, conservative Tea Party Republicans are going to hate him, even want to kill him. Donald Trump will be the ultimate test. He is provably a criminal, and yet the Senate will not remove him. The criminals are in charge because we believe rich people are entitled to decide everything in their own favor.

5. Even if the world is awash in hatred, love is still a better way.

A pink sunrise in Texas,

6. If teaching in public schools for 31 years has taught me anything, it is that EVERY CHILD HAS VALUE. You can even say, EVERY CHILD IS PRICELESS.

So, there is a summary of what I have learned in life. Now it only remains to talk about each thing in such detail that others might be persuaded to believe.

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At the Bus Station

At the bus station…

There is a large crowd of Trump voters…

Who suddenly realized the mistake they made…

So, they are planning to leave the country…

Well, the female part of the family, anyway…

You know, the smarter half…

Although they don’t understand…

Why they can’t buy a bus ticket to Japan!

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Notes from the Underground

The Pumpkinhead is now President again. He made all three of my children no longer citizens of the US via Executive Order even though their mother had a green card when she gave birth to all three. He pardoned violent insurrectionists and let them out of prison, even the most violent ones who maimed and killed police officers. 1,500 of them. He accused Biden of destroying the US economy as Biden politely sat there and watched. We now have a convicted felon as our new Pumpkinhead President, a more spoiled and rotten version of the one we barely survived four years ago.

My life will end before his life does, I have no doubt. And I don’t believe there is a Hell where Ronald Reagan and Richard Nixon in their boiling stewpots watch the Pumpkinhead destroy the whole world, dreading the day when their lofty records of evil will be topped. Andrew Jackson anticipates endless duels to find out who is more violent. Warren Harding quakes in, knowing he will no longer be the first on the list of presidential criminal corruption.

Now that it is no longer in question that we are all going to be killed by rampant climate catastrophes unleashed by the Pumpkinhead, it will no longer be necessary to hold back. My conservative friends from high school who voted for the monkey-other firetrucker (minus certain key letters) can be however insulted by my invective and criticism as they like, They literally gave him back the power to hasten the end of life on Earth.

The worst I can do to the corrupted MAGA maggots is write a post like this. Limited compensation for all I will be losing at best. But there is no longer a reason to be polite. They did worse to me in comments on Facebook and to my face in person. So, the imbalance to the politeness scales is not my fault.

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Story-Telling for Art Day

One never knows what mysteries can be uncovered inside the bird house.
The plot of the story depends on what happens next in the picture.
Details make the real story clear.
Pictures tell a story even if the story-teller falls asleep in the process.
A picture can spin a fairy-tale even if it doesn’t show a plot.
Pictures easily establish a setting.
Pictures can allude to many, many other things.

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Filed under artwork, drawing, humor, illustrations, imagination, Paffooney

Dancing With Alan Watts

It seems sometimes, in a Judaeo-Christian society, that we are a constantly being scrutinized by a rather harsh all-knowing God who rewards getting the faith-words accurately correct, to the letter, and the faith-based actions perfect, without a single mistake. And He punishes missteps of word or deed with pain and suffering and the potential of an eternity in Sheol or Hell. And that is a tough God to live with. He is like a teacher who uses his or her God-like powers to reward or punish to lead his students all down an exacting, narrow path to a destination that does not have room for everyone when they arrive.

It doesn’t take long in childhood for a highly intelligent person to realize before childhood is over that this cosmology is actually a load of horse pucky. It didn’t even take long for somebody as semi-stupid as me.

What I like about listening on YouTube to Alan Watts’s wisdom is that he gives us an alternative way of seeing the universe and ourselves. This he can offer through his studies of Eastern and Buddhist philosophies. Everything appealing in John Lennon’s signature song, “Imagine,” comes from Lennon’s love of listening to Alan Watts’ lectures. He is obviously a wise guy.

Alan Watts teaches us the pathways that lead to finding yourself, who you truly are, and how you fit into the universe as a whole. When Carl Sagan says that we are all made of star-stuff, he is not only telling us what is literally true, as the elements our bodies were formed from were literally made in the nuclear forges at the centers of stars that later exploded in nova bursts to scatter the elements across the skies of everywhere. He is also telling us that what Alan Watts says is metaphorically true, that everything in the universe is part of the same thing and we are all one in this way.

There is plenty to worry about in my little life. I could easily drop dead at any time from any one of my six incurable diseases or even the return of the skin cancer I beat in 1983. I suffer from the consequences of disease daily, as I have for many years now. My sins are many. I broke my promise the other day to never show you the horrors of my naked body on this blog. I constantly eat the wrong thing and continue to do things that I know are bad for the environment and the health of my body. I am prejudiced against racists, stupidity, and the actions of dedicated Trump-lovers. In many ways I deserve God’s wrath and brutal correction. I have come to truly believe that climate change is going to end life on Earth. I am horrible.

But I have learned from Alan Watts that all of those concerns mean nothing. I don’t believe in Heaven or an afterlife. But I do not fear death. I am one with the universe. And the universe goes on even if I do not. And I will always be a part of it, even after I am no longer alive. The universe has a mind and is intelligent And I take part in that because one small part of that intelligence is me, and lives in my head.

There is comfort to be found in the words of Alan Watts. And living in pain as I do, I really need that comfort most of the time. That is why I have attempted to share a bit of that comfort with you.

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Filed under artists I admire, commentary, feeling sorry for myself, finding love, foolishness, healing, health, humor, Paffooney, philosophy

Receding Positives

It’s getting harder to draw anything without artificial help. I drew this from an Instagram post by putting the photo on my digital drawing pad, putting a layer on top, and then outlining everything. But turning it into a drawing done entirely without the help of AI Mirror left me with something that looked almost ugly due to the misses and tiny mistakes that my arthritic hands can’t help but make. As it is, the AI misinterpreted the intent enough to give her an extra hairy chest instead of putting the gray frills on the front of the blouse.. It gets to be too much work to redo large portions of the picture. As it is I have to be satisfied with unintentional Rapunzel. But, it also means that I can do decent pictures still even though I would’ve given up drawing at this point were it not for how AI Mirror fixes the picture for me.

The expenses of my life have all gone up. Some of it is due to the Pumpkinhead President who has already inspired China to punish American farmers by closing our best marketplace and opening it up to Brazil instead. China did this, of course, because of the stupid clown threats of more tariffs. My car insurance is going up to $300 a month because of last summer’s accident. My Medicare premium is going up to $185 a month. The dentist is extracting two broken molars from my mouth this month and extracting $149 a month from my bank account for the next eighteen months. Oy vay! And next month’s heating bill will be over $300 again. I will have to downsize many things on my budget to get by. Maybe even giving up food. That’s one way to lose weight fast.

But that means simplifying my life again. After all, I am getting too old and sick to deal with complications.

The heart of the matter is this… It really takes less and less to be satisfied with life. I have already started giving up some of my massive collection of toys, books, and various collectible nonsense. I hope to pare it down to a manageable amount to move back to Iowa to live on the farm with my sister. My wife will remain in the Dallas area, teaching and becoming wealthy in miraculous ways. There’s goodness in the future despite the Pumpkinhead, and all the badness of the end of the world he is hastening. The important things in life can’t actually be taken away from me, unless God turns me into a walking compost heap of forgetfulness.

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A Poem Written on a Picture

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-a poem written by Mickey and pasted on a picture.

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Return of the Star Wars Figures

On a previous Saturday I admitted to the crime of using 12-inch action figures to play the Star Wars role-playing game.  The Dungeons and Dragons RPG world was horrified.  You are supposed to use scale-appropriate metal miniatures.  How can you simulate combat without small figures on a grid?  I have to confess.  It was via x’s and dots on graph paper.  But we didn’t use the action figures to represent ranges and lines of site in combat.  And one of my players was my niece, an actual girl.  So, I guess, to be honest, we were actually playing with dolls.

But it helps to have a lot of dolls.

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Emperor Palpatine, Snow Trooper, Obi-Wan, Jar Jar, Quigon, Droid Soldier, and home-made Mace Windu

We started play after the first two movies in the Prequel Trilogy.

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Wicket, Imperial Walker, Astroboy (What’s he doing there?) Darth Vader, Little Anakin, and Boba Fett.

We got creative with stories.

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Jango Fett, General Grievous, and Admiral Akbar

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Anakin Skywalker

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Robot from Lost in Space, R2D2, Slave Girl Leia, and a Green Orion Slave Girl Dancer from Star Trek

So there is evidence available to my offspring to help them have me committed to an institution.  The truth is, these are not even all of my Star Wars Dolls.  So this morning’s confession session is now at an end, though all of the horrible truth is not yet revealed.

 

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Filed under action figures, autobiography, doll collecting, Dungeons and Dragons, goofiness, humor, photo paffoonies