
Seeds of despair have been growing and blooming into black orchids of depression. Doubt creeps in. It is true that the publisher I just signed a contract with is the kind of publisher that squeezes their money out of the authors rather than readers. That seems to be a dominating trend in the publishing world now. You don’t make as much money as a publisher by investing in advertising, editing services, and printing services at your own expense, even paying advances to authors for the rights to their works. The old way is dead. One way or another, to compete in the modern market you have to squeeze more and more profit out of your workers. More productivity for less money in wages puts more money into the hands of the owners, the corporations, and the CEO’s where it obviously belongs. I suppose, as one of those little guys at the base of the poo-poo volcano of American business, I have a right to feel cheated and abused. My hard work is taken supreme advantage of by others.
Lots of stuff has been going wrong lately. The yard has gone untended for too long and is now overgrown and wild. The dog got hold of number two son’s $350 retainer again. Both of my kids at home are groaning under the strains of work and school. My health continues to slide down the old hill. They are even cancelling one of my favorite Facebook games.

I must now say goodbye to Avengers Alliance on Facebook.
But despair is not really in my nature. I knew going in that publishing my book this way was going to cost me money I will probably never make back in my lifetime. But it will be available in print. It will even have my own artwork on it. And if I have to publish the other novels as digital Kindle copies only, at least I will actually have three books in print.
The yard looks unkempt, but there are blossoms everywhere, and our plants are at least processing carbon dioxide and putting oxygen back in the air.
The dog got hold of the retainer, but this time apparently realized how much trouble she was in. She doesn’t appear to have bitten or chewed on it at all.
Broken spirits and weariness are the intended products of the modern American school system, so we are doing that right, at least.
And not being able to afford to go to the doctor any more has made my wallet a lot healthier. I have the money… er, credit… to spend for the first time in ten years.
Maybe the orchids are not so black as I thought.

















Trudging Towards Tomorrow
My three kids used to be cute, even with goblin grins.
I spent a lot of time yesterday looking at old photos. The journey seems a lot longer looking back than looking at the trail ahead. But there are good things beside every signpost on the road behind us. I am proud of where we’ve been.
The Three Faces of the Princess at the Kingdom Hall;
We are basically right with God. Oh, I know I haven’t been a very good Jehovah’s Witness the last three or four years. Being an atheist might have something to do with it. But I actually believe in God. It is just that my God is a bit bigger than theirs. My God is not some old man with a white beard on a golden chair in some invisible dimension. He is everything there is. And he doesn’t have to promise me eternal life and goodies for a lifetime of doing what I believe is good and right and benefits the lives of others. I don’t do it for theological dog treats. I do it because I know in my heart it is right. And I live for the here and now. Because that is the only part of existence that is relevant to me here and now. “I am a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars, I have a right to be here.” (from Desiderata by Max Ehrmann)
We used to do a lot of camping and traveling. We have seen some amazing things in amazing places.
The Grand Canyon is improved by having my middle son posed in front of it.
At the Grand Canyon Railway Station;
In a land where dinosaurs once roamed;
You can find dinosaurs for tourists without spending big bucks to visit Jurassic World.
Don’t worry. The Princess is the scariest dino running with this pack. That goofasaurus rex is going to regret that nose-bump to the back of the head.
In the end, she ate every last one.
But my kiddos hatched a replacement, so they are not personally responsible for the re-extinction of the dinosaurs.
Appreciating nature;
Posing with dead nature.
Posing with living nature, including wild and feral cousins, is also fun.
Filipino nature and wild and feral Filipino cousins.
And we have allowed ourselves to have fun along the way.
But children grow up and begin to have their own lives. They get jobs. They learn to drive. And we have to fearfully accept the consequences of the monsters we have probably created.
As I continue trudging down the road of life, I am somewhat weary because I am old. My bones have a lot of walking-around mileage on them. My heart has a limited number of beats remaining. But my biggest regret is… you can only go back and walk the path again through memory and old pictures. Time and I march onward.
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Filed under autobiography, commentary, compassion, daughters, family, feeling sorry for myself, goofiness, humor, kids, photos
Tagged as adventure, boring old family photos, Doofy takes on old photos, humor, kids, nature