Seeds of despair have been growing and blooming into black orchids of depression. Doubt creeps in. It is true that the publisher I just signed a contract with is the kind of publisher that squeezes their money out of the authors rather than readers. That seems to be a dominating trend in the publishing world now. You don’t make as much money as a publisher by investing in advertising, editing services, and printing services at your own expense, even paying advances to authors for the rights to their works. The old way is dead. One way or another, to compete in the modern market you have to squeeze more and more profit out of your workers. More productivity for less money in wages puts more money into the hands of the owners, the corporations, and the CEO’s where it obviously belongs. I suppose, as one of those little guys at the base of the poo-poo volcano of American business, I have a right to feel cheated and abused. My hard work is taken supreme advantage of by others.
Lots of stuff has been going wrong lately. The yard has gone untended for too long and is now overgrown and wild. The dog got hold of number two son’s $350 retainer again. Both of my kids at home are groaning under the strains of work and school. My health continues to slide down the old hill. They are even cancelling one of my favorite Facebook games.
But despair is not really in my nature. I knew going in that publishing my book this way was going to cost me money I will probably never make back in my lifetime. But it will be available in print. It will even have my own artwork on it. And if I have to publish the other novels as digital Kindle copies only, at least I will actually have three books in print.
The yard looks unkempt, but there are blossoms everywhere, and our plants are at least processing carbon dioxide and putting oxygen back in the air.
The dog got hold of the retainer, but this time apparently realized how much trouble she was in. She doesn’t appear to have bitten or chewed on it at all.
Broken spirits and weariness are the intended products of the modern American school system, so we are doing that right, at least.
And not being able to afford to go to the doctor any more has made my wallet a lot healthier. I have the money… er, credit… to spend for the first time in ten years.
Maybe the orchids are not so black as I thought.