
I cringed through a few of the speeches in the Republican National Convention. Speech after speech talked about how bad Hillary Clinton is, how terrible ISIS is, how Obama has betrayed us and failed us, and other warm fuzzy stuff like that. They make me sick to my stomach with fear.

Was there anything to like about the RNC in Cleveland? Well, their logo was nice.
I could complain about the plagiarism thing, the Ted Cruz booing thing (although that actually made me smile), or Donald’s deep, dark speech of the coming apocalypse. But I would rather do like the Democrats seem to be doing this week. I would rather talk about the good things they can and will do if only we are smart enough to give them the chance.


They contrasted their policies in favor of ending discrimination based on race, gender, and orientation with the anti-crime and anti-terrorism howls of the Republicans. Instead of talking about how satisfying it would be to throw the other side’s candidate in jail for imagined crimes, they told us about Hillary’s record of standing up for women, children, and the handicapped. They gave us specifics about what she has done and who she has helped and what she has learned from Bernie Sanders. Sanders graciously made her the unanimous choice by throwing all of his delegates behind her. There was peace and harmony (beyond a few former Bernie supporters who were so mad about the DNC email leak that they may vote Trump out of spite). Cory Booker’s speech suggested that instead of talking about what we are afraid of, we should be talking about working together in a spirit of love and friendship in order to do great things. Trump, of course, had an angry tweet in response to that, suggesting he knew things about Booker that could shame him. Booker replied that he loved Donald Trump and felt honored that the orange one considered him worthy of an angry tweeting.
Now, I am not saying that Democrats are perfect and Republicans are evil… am I? I don’t believe that when I am rational and not dreaming up nightmares… do I? But loving one another is what I think the default position should always be for Christians. So why are the nominally Christian conservatives so much more keen on the righteous wrath of God stuff and punishing those they hate? Shouldn’t it be the opposite of that? And my severely Republican friends are always suspicious of just how Christian the godless communist heathens in the Democratic party really are. If the Democrats are so totally wrong, shouldn’t the facts line up against them?
But it all boils down to facts versus feelings, doesn’t it. Republicans have reason to be angry, especially the poor ones, because of the raw economic deal they have been given. Their righteous indignation deserves redress. But is that best served by punishing Democrats in the more liberal party that more generally favors less income inequality? What about the capitalist billionaires who drive the Republican agenda? Are they really saints and deserving of everything they have taken for themselves?
I am smart, but not smart enough to have ultimate answers to the biggest questions. I have Republican friends who agree whole-heartedly with that last sentence, especially words five, six, and seven. But I know the DNC made me feel good while watching, and the RNC made me ill. I definitely choose love over hatred and politics.




















Opinions Are Like Onions
“Why does something always smell bad when I am talking?”
Opinions are like Onions.
All you have to do is subtract 3.141592 and they are exactly the same.
The people that like the way they taste like theirs a lot.
They want you to try them.
And if you don’t like the taste, then you just don’t know what’s good for you.
Onions are good for you. They make you fart and they clear out the bad gasses made up of methane and other toxic waste from your colon and digestive tract.
Opinions are good for you too. They make you fart out of the mouth, clearing bad gasses made up of stupidity and toxic ideas out of your little old brain. You should not be holding that stuff in. It is poisonous and it could potentially explode. Not something you want to happen in either the colon or the brain. Only stupid people hang on to them in the face of contradictory evidence. (It makes me nervous that I don’t see people exploding more often, because I hold the opinion that there really are a lot of stupid people out there. I, too, am probably in danger of exploding at some point.)
And see, that’s the important point here. Opinions are only as valuable as fart gas. For the all-important progress of ideas to really happen, opinions have to be tested. And I don’t mean opinions like whether or not you like the taste of onions. I am talking about opinions that lead to policy. Politics are crammed full of opinions. (I got that right, didn’t I? I didn’t say “onions” when I actually meant “opinions”, right?)
Hillary Clinton is apologizing now for the opinion-based fart-gas of saying that “half of Donald Trump’s supporters are deplorable people”. The facts are that the KKK has voiced support for Trump, as have a number of immigrant-hating racists like Ann Coulter who will tell you in detail about all her onions concerning Mexicans and brown people. People at Trump’s rallies have physically assaulted black people and protesters of any variety. And to “deplore” someone is to speak out against their ideas or actions. So the critical word that is not a fact, but rather an onion, must be “half”. This is the word where Hillary went wrong. I am sure that “half” is an under-estimation.
And Mr. Trump, as a connoisseur of truly stinky onions has said that Clinton and Obama are literally the founders of ISIS. And in his onion, Vladimir Putin is a stronger leader than President (of this country) Obama. One wonders why no one has really sliced and diced these particular onions. One imagines that if Hillary were the chef serving these onions, no one would be willing to have them in the dining room, let alone eat them. Onions need be tested for flavor and rightness long before they are served.
So, to close up this onion-smelling essay before it makes me fart again, let me just say, we need to not get stuck in the onion patch and mistakenly convince ourselves we are smelling roses. Roses shouldn’t make you cry.
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Tagged as Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, humor, onions, opinions, paffooney, politics, politics and goofiness