Planting Some Onions

I told you recently that I believe that opinions are like onions.  Consuming them is good for you.  It cleans out the system.  It turns little imperfections and poisons into gas and leads you to expel them.  Yes, I mean opinions from my stupid old head come out of my mouth in the same way that digested onions form into gas and come out the other end.  And keeping them inside (and safe from being argued or made fun of) can poison you and make you insane.  So, I need to plant some onions… err, I mean opinions… and you should feel free to sample the stuff in this onion garden and fart back in my general direction if you feel the need.

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It would be good if you don’t throw bricks.

  • Donald Trump is going to be our next President.  I am not saying I want that to happen.  I didn’t want Ronald Reagan or George W. Bush to be President either.  But bad things happen with the inevitability of thunderstorms and flu season.  Fox News has been spreading poisonous onion gas for twenty years as a propaganda service to the corporate masters, and they will continue to provide us only with business-friendly leaders who will wring every last penny’s worth of value out of our increasingly valueless souls.
  • Human civilization is doomed.  We have failed to deal with human-induced climate change for too long, and now the air is turning into methane and carbon dioxide (that’s right, fart gas!) and only the people wealthy enough to create totally sealed environments will survive.  We have the innate capacity to solve problems and overcome disaster, but we won’t because President Trump doesn’t want it to be that way.  And he says that climate change is a hoax anyway.  I think he has held onion gas inside long enough to pickle all his brain cells.
  • The Roswell incident was real and there are aliens living on planet Earth.  They will not save us from ourselves, however.  President Trump won’t allow that.  After all, they are immigrants.

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  • Doctor Who is the best thing that the British ever gave us.  It combines science fiction, fantasy, a goofy sense of humor, and serious charm into a show that can make us think about things in a new way, and make us see things from a different point of view.  Donald Trump won’t allow him to save us either, even though Great Britain is our very tremendous ally.   Foreigners keep us from winning economically.
  • Eating onions is better for you than eating cheese.  Onions get the gas out.  Cheese makes you constipated.  The French call cheese “fromage”, but that doesn’t make it any better.  Cheese by any other name still can stink like limburger.
    “Once it reaches three months, the cheese produces its notorious smell because of the bacterium used to ferment Limburger cheese and many other smear-ripened cheeses. This is Brevibacterium linens, the same one found on human skin that is partially responsible for body odor and particularly foot odor.”
  • So I have just now planted some real stinkers in the onion garden.  In a just and reasonable world, the debate would now begin.  Refute, if you will, dear reader, for that is the very reason that opinions exist, to start a debate.  You cannot clear the air of fart gas without at least waving your hand at it.

6 Comments

Filed under commentary, conspiracy theory, goofiness, humor, pessimism, strange and wonderful ideas about life

6 responses to “Planting Some Onions

  1. Dee

    I’m surprised you think Donald Trump will be our next President. I just kinda figured *putting on tinfoil hat* Hillary was already predetermined, considering Bill already served so the two of them must be distant cousins and share the same bloodline, therefore she would be next in line since she’s obviously a member of the Illuminati also 😁 did you know that Prince William and Kate Middleton are 12th cousins 😲

    • I think Trump will win only because I am a dedicated pessimist and believe in preparing for the worst. I will not be taken by surprise on election day unless it is a pleasant surprise. I am surprised that my “humanity is doomed” onion was passed over with Trump taking a over a bigger patch in the garden of blooming arguments. And I do know about Hillary’s connection to the lizard people masquerading as royals in England. Did you know that I am also a 12th or 13th cousin to Nelson Rockefeller? Through his mother. Didn’t inherit a dime, though. I do believe it may be the reason my skin is getting so scaly in old age… that and the psoriasis.

  2. Boy, I hope this onion won’t grow. The Donald may win, but I cannot believe we will let a man win, whose history of exploiting people for money and whose only thought is of himself, after the smoke clears. When he first announced, my “onion” was it must be joke, as he is terrible candidate given his history.

    Well, after digging through his history of stiffing people for money he owed them, kicking people out of their homes, renting his name so developers can charge unwitting buyers more and screwing them over which caused over 3,500 lawsuits, I find him a dreadfully worse candidate than I first envisioned. People can ignore every thing this man has said since the campaign started and just look at his history – it is all there.

    HRC is sane, experienced and competent (these are Former NY Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s words, who is an Independent and knows both), and has relationships around the world which will help. Plus, she knows climate change is a real problem, which Trump says is a hoax invented by the Chinese to steal our jobs. And, she has been rated the most truthful candidate in the race whereas Trump has been rated the one has lied more than any candidate in the history of Politifacts and FactCheck.

    Sorry for the soapbox to toss my onions. Keith

    • You don’t have to apologize for clearing the air like this. I love your fact-based analysis. I planted onions randomly so that the toxic ones get weeded out. I also think Hillary is a good choice in spite of how people feel about her. Fox News has lobbed so many onion-gas grenades at her over the years that it is now the identifiable source of people’s bad opinions of her. Their talking points are farted out every day. Too many people don’t know how to uproot and toss away those onions.

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