I told you recently that I believe that opinions are like onions. Consuming them is good for you. It cleans out the system. It turns little imperfections and poisons into gas and leads you to expel them. Yes, I mean opinions from my stupid old head come out of my mouth in the same way that digested onions form into gas and come out the other end. And keeping them inside (and safe from being argued or made fun of) can poison you and make you insane. So, I need to plant some onions… err, I mean opinions… and you should feel free to sample the stuff in this onion garden and fart back in my general direction if you feel the need.
- Donald Trump is going to be our next President. I am not saying I want that to happen. I didn’t want Ronald Reagan or George W. Bush to be President either. But bad things happen with the inevitability of thunderstorms and flu season. Fox News has been spreading poisonous onion gas for twenty years as a propaganda service to the corporate masters, and they will continue to provide us only with business-friendly leaders who will wring every last penny’s worth of value out of our increasingly valueless souls.
- Human civilization is doomed. We have failed to deal with human-induced climate change for too long, and now the air is turning into methane and carbon dioxide (that’s right, fart gas!) and only the people wealthy enough to create totally sealed environments will survive. We have the innate capacity to solve problems and overcome disaster, but we won’t because President Trump doesn’t want it to be that way. And he says that climate change is a hoax anyway. I think he has held onion gas inside long enough to pickle all his brain cells.
- The Roswell incident was real and there are aliens living on planet Earth. They will not save us from ourselves, however. President Trump won’t allow that. After all, they are immigrants.
- Doctor Who is the best thing that the British ever gave us. It combines science fiction, fantasy, a goofy sense of humor, and serious charm into a show that can make us think about things in a new way, and make us see things from a different point of view. Donald Trump won’t allow him to save us either, even though Great Britain is our very tremendous ally. Foreigners keep us from winning economically.
- Eating onions is better for you than eating cheese. Onions get the gas out. Cheese makes you constipated. The French call cheese “fromage”, but that doesn’t make it any better. Cheese by any other name still can stink like limburger.
“Once it reaches three months, the cheese produces its notorious smell because of the bacterium used to ferment Limburger cheese and many other smear-ripened cheeses. This is Brevibacterium linens, the same one found on human skin that is partially responsible for body odor and particularly foot odor.”
- So I have just now planted some real stinkers in the onion garden. In a just and reasonable world, the debate would now begin. Refute, if you will, dear reader, for that is the very reason that opinions exist, to start a debate. You cannot clear the air of fart gas without at least waving your hand at it.