Canto Thirty-Nine – The Bio-Dome’s Crew Quarters
Since Brekka had nearly gotten killed by a maniac sentient flower with hidden teeth, Brekka, Menolly, and George Jetson had not been apart by more than a few feet. In fact, George and Menolly had spent an uncomfortably long time attached at the lips.
George finally pulled away from Menolly’s mouth to breathe.
“Oh, Brekka,” gasped Menolly, “we are so glad you didn’t die. Life would never be the same again if I didn’t have you to dance with.”
Brekka crossed her arms and frowned at Menolly. “What exactly are you and George doing exchanging spit like that? I thought the two of you were never going to talk to me again.”
“You remember the kissing thing from Earther television?” asked George.
“Yes…” said Brekka cautiously, “like when Gilligan kissed Mary Ann that time to convince the surfer guy that they were boyfriend and girlfriend so he would surf back to Hawaii? And she said he had skinny lips?”
“Um… yeah… that works,” said George. “We discovered it makes you feel really, really good to kiss somebody like that. Want to try it?”
Brekka pursed her lips for a moment and mulled it over. “Okay.”
Without warning, she leaned over and kissed Menolly right on the mouth. She tried to make it last like she had seen Menolly do with George… but… it was kinda yucky.
“I don’t really see what’s so great about it.”
“I dunno,” said Menolly. “I thought it was kinda good. Brekka is almost as good a kisser as George.”
“But,” said George, “maybe you would consider making some Telleron tadpole eggs with me… huh, Menolly?”
“Oh, you stupid-head…” said Brekka. “We three are nest-mates. That means we have the same mother and father… probably. You know what in-breeding is?”
“We were programmed with that information in the egg, Brekka,” said Menolly.
“Well, you know… it might be the thing that makes Tellerons so stupid and incompetent… in spite of all the knowledge and skills programmed into us while we are in the egg.”
“Yeah,” said George, “you’re probably right. But when I kissed Menolly that first time, it made me feel so strange in my stomach. Isn’t it possible the feelings of the stomach are more powerful than the thoughts in the head?”
“I think in that episode of Gilligan’s Island it was the heart that love came from, not the stomach,” said Menolly.
“Well, my heart seems to be in my stomach,” said George, “really low down, too. And it’s telling me to make tadpoles with the two of you. We almost lost Brekka to that plant thing. I don’t want to waste any more time.”
“You know that we are still too young for egg-laying, George,” said Brekka. “Our ovipositors are not fully formed yet.”
“Yeah… but we could practice…”
Brekka was furious. Why were male tadpoles so… so…? Yeah, that.
*****
Catch a Falling Star 
…In the Eye of the Beholder
Meet Xandu, the Beholder… I can’t say he’s a bad guy, but only because he’s a giant floating head full of eyes, and doesn’t have the proper parts to be considered a guy.
Those of us who were nutty about playing Dungeons and Dragons in the 1980’s hear the phrase, “Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder” and we’re automatically thinking weird thoughts about Xandu, and maybe even questioning, “Which eye do you mean?”
Beholders have one big eye, and a lot of little ones equipped with death lasers, gazes of perpetual sleep, nausea looks, and fear-eyes that make you run away in terror. With that kind of surreal right-brain crapola going on in my stupid old dungeon master’s head, it’s no wonder I might go into this discussion of the Beholder with monsters on the brain when I really intended to talk all along about this particular beholder;
Tomi Lahren is the darling of the right wing media, broadcasting her loud, angry racist-Barbie rants for Glen Beck’s lovely fear and hate smorgasbord known as The Blaze. You can tell just by looking that she is a genetically German/Norwegian Midwesterner who could be an Iowegian if only she had had the good sense to be born in Iowa instead of the big bowl of blah that is Rapid City, South Dakota. I know that may sound like some kind of reverse racism to say I can tell those things “just by looking”, but it isn’t, because I meant you can just look those things up on Wikipedia like I did. To hear her shout her opinions on immigration in her closing segment called “Final Thoughts” you could swear she was channeling Donald Trump and lulling you into a stupor with her gaze of perpetual sleep power. She is also known for giving San Francisco quarterback Colin Kaepernick the nausea look for silently protesting racism and social injustice by taking a knee during the playing of the national anthem. And she reserves both the fear eye and the laser death eye for Black Lives Matter activists, calling them the equivalent of the KKK because… Well, I can’t read minds, especially hard little white power minds that say “all lives matter” because they really want to say “black lives DON’T matter”.
But, honestly, I don’t dislike this blond beholder who is more than just a floating head full of evil eyes. She was cute on The Daily Show talking to Trevor Noah. And she used her indoor voice even when saying slightly racist things. The two of them seemed almost friendly, though ideologically they are worlds apart.
And this is what we really need to see more of, the two sides of an issue actually being able to talk about issues acknowledging that each side has a right and a reason for the views they personally hold, and you can’t get the bugs out of the batter before you bake the cake if you don’t work together. Lahren was even willing to be brave and appear on the liberal comedy talk show Real Time with Bill Maher where conservatives are often chewed up and spit out in front of a distinctly liberal audience.
But she is still a beholder. She views the world through one big eye, one point of view, with little room for opposing viewpoints. You will definitely have to decide for yourself as you enter the next dungeon room and come face to face with the beholder, which one is worth the roll of the dice to defeat, and which one you should run away from screaming like a little liberal snowflake girl.
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Filed under angry rant, commentary, Dungeons and Dragons, goofy thoughts, Liberal ideas, politics
Tagged as humor, liberals and conservatives, political humor, Tomi Lahren