Tag Archives: humor

Breaks from School

Breaks from School

Once again a little ice is on the roads and we miss a day of school. And on a State testing day! Today was supposed to be one of the very last TAKS tests. High stakes tests in this State were intended from the beginning to make us fail and prove that public schools are unworkable. The powers that be want to take public education money away to use for private schools and for-profit schemes. They think of education as a commodity meant only for those who can afford it. The stone-age thinking among rich Texans has iced us over. So, I sit at home impotent and waiting to hear how we will proceed. We have to get educating again or the dinosaurs are going to eat us.

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March 3, 2014 · 11:03 pm

Rooster Riding

Rooster Riding

In the early 90’s I created a comic strip called Hidden Kingdom. It was about three inch fairies, pixies, and creatures that live among us and have their own kingdoms and empires hidden in our world. They, of course, were of a size that allowed them to use creatures like chickens as riding beasts. That is the source of the idea behind this Paffooney. The fairy princess and her bug-boy servant are taking a ride.

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March 2, 2014 · 11:01 pm

Thanks for the Memories, Mr. Disney

This post is going to sound an awful lot like stuff and nonsense, because that is what it primarily is, but it had to be said anyway.    Last night my family took me to see the movie Saving Mr. Banks, a deeply moving biographical story of P.L. Travers, the creator of Mary Poppins, and how she had to be convinced to surrender her beloved character to the movie industry which she so thoroughly detested and distrusted.  It is also about one of my most important literary heroes, Walt Disney, and how he eventually convinced the very eccentric and complicated authoress to allow him to make her beloved character into a memorable movie icon.

“We create our stories to rewrite our own past,” says Disney, trying to tell Mrs. Travers how he understood the way that her Mary Poppins character completed and powerfully regenerated the tragedy of her own father’s dissolution and death.  This is the singular wisdom of Disney.  He took works of literature that I loved and changed them, making them musical, making them happy, and making them into the cartoonish versions of themselves that so many of us have come to cherish from our childhoods.  He transforms history, and he transforms memory, and by doing so, he transforms truth.

Okay, and as silly as those insights are, here’s a sillier one.  In H.P. Lovecraft’s dreamlands, on the shores of the Cerenarian Sea, north of the Mountains of Madness, there roam three clowns.  They are known as the Boz, the Diz, and the Bard, nicknames for Charles Dickens, Walt Disney, and William Shakespeare.  These three clowns, like the three fates of myth, measure and cut the strings of who we are, where we are going, and how we will get there.  They come to Midgard, the Middle Earth to help us know wisdom and folly, the wisdom of fools.

Why have I told you these silly, silly things?  Do I expect you to believe them?  Do I even expect you to read all the way to paragraph four?  Ah, sadly, no…  but I am thinking and recording these thoughts because I believe they are important somehow.  I may yet use them as the basis of a book of my own.  I enjoy a good story because it helps me to do precisely as Mr. Disney has said, I can rewrite my own goofy, silly, pointless past.

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Snowboy

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Yesterday I may not have fully explained about the Bond villain-esque villain that I have deployed into the dark waters of my manuscript novel The Bicycle-Wheel Genius.  Snowboy is not fully human, but he is trying.  He was a robot built by a joint American-Alien project in Area 51.  He was created as a living weapon and deployed against the brother-in-law of the Bicycle-Wheel Genius himself.

During the course of the story his robot brain is turned off by sudden electro-magnetic trauma, and the scientist is able to piece him back together in the form of a boy.  But he’s not a normal boy in any way.  His nuclear core malfunctioned and caused his cooling units to ice him over, making him a living Snowboy.

What makes him the villain is his determination to torment and destroy those people who gave him his resurrected life.  He has emotions for the first time in his life, and he totally misuses them.  His internal struggle with the truths of life translates into destructive treatment of others.

Okay, I know it doesn’t all make sense.  I’m still working on it.  But it gives me an excuse to show you another picture of him, this time with a less washed out photo of the drawing.

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Sleeping Beauty (a silly poem of love and illusion)

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Sleeping Beauty

 

In the dark and in the light

In candle flame and purple night

The beauty sleeps and fails to heed

The young man’s life of lust and need

What happens next is often sad

The want, the hope, the love so bad

And fluttering faery wings of light

Carry life and love and fuel the sight

With never a thought to what could be

If only love would call to thee

And wake the sleeper from her dream

To make the two but one to seem.

 

Love poetry is basically nonsense.  Fueled by hormones and lust, dreams and assumptions, it is never real.  It is only a vision, an apparition, and fools you into believing what could never be real.  So why write it?  Because it is in our nature, in our stars, to love.  Just because something is foolish, or impossible to pin down, there is no reason to give up on it.  That’s what the Paffooney faeries are for.  They cast faery light on what you should never believe, but always, always do. 

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Paffoonies By The Numbers

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So, here is one secret recipe for baking a Paffooney with some humor in the process.

Step 1 : First you have to get a stupid idea and draw a witless drawing of it on a nice fresh piece of paper.  Here the Princess is holding step one, a portrait of what I believe Valerie Clarke, the main character of Snow Babies might look like.  She is supposed to be the most beautiful little girl who ever lived in Norwall, a small Iowa farm town.  

Step 2 : Then you must get a good digital picture of it.  Here I used the Princess as a makeshift picture stand and took the picture in sunlight muted by clouds.

Step 3 : I must then remove all clutter and background from the image using the big old eraser thingy on the Microsoft computer paint program.  sometimes I need to erase pixel by pixel until I am thoroughly pixelated.

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Step 4 : This gets me ready to use my handy-dandy cheap-o photo program (I always wanted to use both handy-dandy and cheap-o photo in the same sentence!  Item 128 on my bucket list.)  I can layer the image over any of a number of stolen and parolin’ background photos.

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And so, I thus become a pretend world-renowned unknown clown artist with a penchant for multiple uses of internal rhymes as well as multiple uses of the same boring, wretched sketches.

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The Ice Alchemist of Frozencastle

The Ice Alchemist of Frozencastle

This blue wizard, Viktor of Frozencastle, has a penchant for making fire magic, even though it will ultimately melt his house. His son Davion tries hard to put out the fires and keep his father from drinking too much evil ale, but when dealing with an icy eccentric who loves a good fire, you have to expect a burst of the worst (or is that spelled “wurst”?)

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February 20, 2014 · 3:55 am

Space Ninjas and other Bright Ideas from a Dim Bulb

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As cartoonists go, I am rather a failure and a flop.  I have not made a single dollar on my cartoon art.  Instead it has all gone into lessons at school, charity programs, and various role-playing games with geeky boys.  Still, I have brilliant insights into what would make good adventure fiction, especially for geeky boys.  You take outer-space teenage travelers, turn them into ninjas with ninjitsu powers, and then give them special mutant mind powers like telekinesis, pyrokinesis, telepathy, and clairvoyance.  Little Mutant Space Ninjas I call them.  And, yes, I know how lame and goofy that all is, but I love it.  I think others will love it too.

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These are a few of my Aeroquest mutant space ninjas.  (Left to right; Taffy King, Billy Iowa, Gyro the Nebulon, Sara Smith, Sensei Ged Aero, Ham Aero Junior (an adopted Nebulon), Shu Kwai, Jadalaqstbr, and Alec Songh.)

Kids identify with child heroes.  They also like action, adventure, and wild Sci-Fi special effects.

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This it Tiki Astro, the artificial boy.  He’s an ultra high tech metaloid (robot) who is made to be practically indistinguishable from a real boy.  He was built by his “father”, a metaloid nanny-bot that was infected with Ancient technology and adopted the pseudonym Happy Jack.

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Space ninjas have to be really cool and really really destructive to capture the interests and imagination of today’s young boys.  This ninja boy is Sejii Killer, the son of the space pirate King Killer.  He can single-handedly mow down whole armies of minions and deadly Nathir plant men.  He can seriously alter the populations of whole worlds.  That’s the kind of killer kid I need to put into space ninja cartoons.

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So look out, World!  My cartoon ninja kids from outer space are on their way to invade your sci-fi dreams and adolescent fantasies.

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Self Portrait

Self Portrait

For those of you who thought that my Gravatar picture was the real me, here’s what I looked like on February 15th. I am older than in my previous pictures. I am grayer and hairier and wrinklier. I am also a little more bonkers than I ever used to be. I am an ESL Teacher (English as a Second Language. I write science fiction and fantasy. I was a Cowboy for 23 years, a Wildcat for one year, and have been a Ranger for the last seven years.

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February 16, 2014 · 9:53 pm

Cartooney Paffooney

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A particularly pulse-pounding part of a post-able Paffooney is the Looney-Tooney side of cartoonies.

A good Paffooney, a wise Paffooney, a particularly Buffooney Paffooney…

Requires a certain something… an attention to detail

Scraggles here demonstrably demonsters, er demonstrates, the detail in the devil, er, devil in the details…

With inexplicable and despicable gloves on hands we never see…

And Looney eyes that at once appear wise and simultaneously devise the kind of satirical reprise that can surprise and infinitely infantilize…

He’s sorta creepy with eyes that aren’t sleepy and expressions not so deepy…

And his smile will spread a mile and is also infantile…

And the rat that he has caught has a shape that’s overwrought and full of little thought,

But never will he kill it and fill it full of millet, 

Cause a mouse can be a friend to the bitter better end.

And so this poem don’t rhyme… or does it?  And it has no theme or prime… or was it?

Just silly nonsense words on a canvas all unfurled in Paffooney Looney Language with each sentence stitched and curled.

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