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A Bildungsroman von Michael Beyer

class Miss Mcover

Okay, I know it’s in German.  Being from a German-American family from Iowa in a mostly Germanic/Scandinavian little Midwestern town, everything I write is in German, even though it’s written in English.  So let me explain my square-headed German logic here.   Here is a quote from Wikipedia to define it;  “In literary criticism, a Bildungsroman (German pronunciation: [ˈbɪldʊŋs.ʁoˌmaːn]; German: “novel of formation/education/culture”), novel of formation, novel of education, or coming-of-age story (though it may also be known as a subset of the coming-of-age story) is a literary genre that focuses on the psychological and moral growth of the protagonist from youth to adulthood (coming of age), and in which, therefore, character change is extremely important.”  I wrote one of these previously.  My episodic tale of a young boy who is the new kid in the small Iowa town and through experience learns to become one of the gang, is called Superchicken.  superchick_novel  It is an example of the coming-of-age tale that closely follows the pattern.  Edward Campbell has to learn the hard way that being mature both physically and emotionally is really hard work, and you can fall short of your goal without even meaning to.  But his opposition to his parents’ rules and sense of propriety eventually leads to acceptance.

Miss Morgan, however, follows a slightly skewed version of the pattern.  In the novel, Francis Morgan is a good teacher and mature woman at the very start.  She has convictions about teaching and how to handle students that she is willing to fight for.  And society around her seems to want to break her of her habits and convictions.  Principals and school boards can bring enormous pressure on a teacher, and they generally don’t want to hear you’ve been teaching magic in the classroom.  She is going to learn lessons the hard way, whether she wants to or not.  But it is entirely possible that she will not change, not give in to society’s demands.  I don’t think, however, that it means that she won’t mature and change in some very important ways.

I am working on this novel, The Magical Miss Morgan, this month.  It fills me up and then exhausts me.  It uses up most of my hard-won wisdom from my years as a teacher, and I am hoping it will turn out to be the best thing I have ever written.

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Write Until Your Hair Catches on Fire!

I was trying to write a post and my computer had to have a brain fart and blow it to pieces.  It began because the mouse pad froze and I had to try to do everything by key commands while trying to save what I wrote.  That’s gone, however.  In its place is a cryptic question in German that asks if you want to be a swan.  How did that happen?  More than one wrong key got pressed.  As I write this, two people have already liked the computer brain-fart post.  Let’s see how this will get fixed.

Fools  I intended to write a post on my attempt to finish my novel in November, the novel The Magical Miss Morgan.  I was inspired to do that because my niece, Stephanie Bisinger, is currently involved in the NaNoWriMo project to write 50,000 words in November and complete a rough draft of a novel.  The contest is really intended for creative young student types, and my niece is doing well.  I, however, am probably not going to make the goal.  I have increased my daily output, written faster, deeper, and more creatively than I have in a long time.  I have my neurons firing so fast and so hard that my brain is heating up, hence the danger that my hair will suddenly burst into flame.  Writing is a dangerous business.  And yet, on my birthday, November 17th, 2014, I am only at 17,021 words.  I am quickly running out of month and I am not even at the halfway point.  That’s what happens when you get old.  Your writing bones get all creaky and slow.  I have sped up the novel, though. I made a major breakthrough.  Having decided to use the “Do you want to be a swan?” thing from the computer brain-fart, I now have a major plot point that I didn’t have before.  And I promoted a minor character to a place in the major action of the middle of the book.  That was an excellent idea, really, because the character is a favorite of mine, made from a real cousin when he was younger mixed with a real former student.  In the book, he is convinced that the major fantasy element of the story is not real, but when he is confronted with evidence right before his eyes, he wets his pants and runs away.  Perfect… at least for potty humor.  In the Land of Maxfield Parrish

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Möchten Sie einen Schwan zu werden?=`

-74

“/, mlko0`

Okay, this is bad.  My computer had a brain blowout in the middle of writing today’s post and decided to ask everybody in German if they want to become a swan.  What is that about?  I have even less idea what -74 and “/,mlkoo means.  I am going to try to put the exploded post back together, and I will use the German swan nonsense in the novel I am writing.  How’s that for a wild unforeseen event?

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Miss Morgan’s Class

I am busily working on my novel, The Magical Miss Morgan.  I would very much like to finish in November, but, at less than half way through, I don’t think it is likely.  It is a novel about being a teacher.  It is about both classroom magic, and dealing with the magical legacy of having a brother who is a wizard.  So, this example Canto is telling about sitting at the teacher’s desk after class, talking to a “real” fairy.  In the Paffooney, you see Miss Morgan with two students who are also Norwall Pirates, Blueberry Bates and Mike Murphy.

Canto Twenty-Three – After School at Miss Morgan’s Desk

Francis sat in the chair behind her desk and stared into the open planner spread out in front of her.  She still had two days to get the following week’s plan accomplished.  It was, however quite blank.  For the last half hour she had done nothing but stare at it and think horrible thoughts about Six-Three.

“Please, dear teacher and storyteller,” said Donner plaintively, “respond that I may know you are unharmed and not mentally damaged.”

“Oh, hello, Bug.  I’m okay, but I have had a very bad day.”

“What’s the matter?”  the little insect-man had fluttered down to her desktop from somewhere above.

“Oh, sometimes students and their parents make me question if I’m in the right profession.”

“You are a lore-mistress.  What higher calling could there be?”

“I just mean that I hate being in a job where you have to deal with willfully ignorant people.”

“I know what you mean.  Dealing with Garriss and his brother Torchy is like that.  No matter how many times you show them how to put out a campfire, they just seem too stupid to get it right.”

“No, Bug, my problem is not really like that.  Cutie and her mother are not stupid.  They are both quite bright.  But they have a reason to not understand what I am trying to explain to them about my curriculum and my teaching methods.  They want to set me up as a problem to be corrected, and so they refuse to see that my teaching methods are not the problem.”

“I have listened intently to the lore of Bilbo.  I don’t know exactly what kind of fey creature a Hobbit truly is, but the world you describe… the world of Bilbo… is very accurate from the viewpoint of the fair folk.  Tellosia is just like this Middle Earth you tell the young ones about.”

“Oh, heavens!  I hope that doesn’t mean there are dragons flying around Belle City somewhere!”

“No, no.  Dragon flies aplenty, but no dragons for at least six hundred years.”

Francis stared at Donner with a look that would’ve stunned any human student.  Dragons?  Really?  Even six hundred years ago?   Donner was completely oblivious to her disbelief.  But maybe that was a good thing.  If there were a dragon, maybe her disbelief could kill it and save the world.

“How did the mission we sent Garriss on turn out?” Donner asked innocently.

“Tim Kellogg took him to Norwall, just as we discussed.  He gave your little fire child to a sweet little girl named Blueberry Bates.  She is making drawings of him to pass around school and talk about fairies being real.”  Francis frowned at the bug.  “But tell me, Donner, can Garriss really teach the girl a spell to set someone’s underwear on fire?”

“Oh, yes.   That is a simple glammer with pixie dust and the right tinder.”

“Oh, that is not good.  I need to head things off again…”

It was almost too much.  Her brother’s legacy of magic and the Pirates’ liars’ club made her life unnecessarily complicated.   She and Jim needed to sort out how they were going to deal with Krissy, and on top of it all, Mrs. Detlafsen was intent on making a political issue out of Francis’ teaching style.

“If you are worried,” offered Donner sweetly, “I can teach you a spell to make a rain cloud hover over someone’s head.  A nice big ten inch cloud… six gallons worth of rainwater… and you can make it rain on whichever person you need to soak.  That should put out any fire that Garriss started.”

“Is Garriss hurt by water?  Can it extinguish him?  Hurt him in any way?”

“Magical water applied in the right way can snuff out a fire wisp, if you do it right.  But Garriss is no beginner when it comes to magical fire… or even magical water.”

“That’s good.  Tim’s little band of Pirate maniacs probably won’t kill him, then.”

“Believe me,” said Donner, grinning, “If my people haven’t been able to snuff out that fool in the last century, with all the reasons they have for trying, your young pie-rats don’t stand a chance of doing it.”

                                                                                *****class Miss M

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A Better Version

Never quite satisfied, I put a head on the horse and re-positioned the focus element of the picture.

Banner fire

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Space Pirates

I enjoy science fiction almost as much as I enjoy humor in both my reading activities and my writing.  My goal has been, since reading Douglas Adams’ wonderful trilogy, or quadrilogy, or possibly quintology of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy to write such an opus.  That is the real reason my first published novel, Aeroquest, exists.  Sorry about that.  First novels are often a bizarre over-reaching, trying to do too much, shooting in too wide an arc, and getting totally lost in the tangle of plot, character, and purple paisley prose that characterizes a novelist’s obsession with his own inner eye.

Swashbucklers

Swashbuckling space-pirate teenagers are the students in my teachers-in-outer-space epic, Aeroquest. It gives you an idea about how silly the entire project really is.

My novel is a total mishmash of things from Star Wars, the Marx Brothers movies, Star Trek, Dune by Frank Herbert, old Flash Gordon serials, Indiana Jones, Tarzan, and several things like Nebulons (the little blue alien people) that I made up from my own Saturday-afternoon childhood daydreams.  Parts of it are actually funny, I think, like the part about flying out of jungle danger by levitating with an anti-gravity bustier one of the characters wears because of her overly-generous up-front endowment.  But parts of it are incomprehensible and sad.  And not sad in a good way.

But I am seriously planning to rewrite the awful thing and get it published with a better publisher.  I have worked a little bit on doing a graphic novel of the thing.  I have my doubts, though, that I have enough drawings left in my arthritic old fingers to accomplish that part of the daydream.  The world needs space pirates, especially now when an evil empire of the wealthy elite has taken over our world and threatens to crush us economically under its heel.  Pirates rise up to take what they like from forces that outnumber them.  They do the Robin Hood thing, taking from the rich and giving to the poor… er, or possibly keeping it for themselves.  I mean, if they are the poor, then that’s okay, right?  So, I have shared a Paffooney of some of the student pirates from my totally awful first novel, talked up the daydreams and fool’s hopes in my ill-fated novel Aeroquest, and acknowledged that you should never, ever pay the bloated price the cheap-o publisher with no editors on staff charges for the whole mess.  Wait til I get it rewritten.  It will probably be even more horrible.

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The Inner Clown

HarkerSometimes it is entirely necessary to acknowledge the fool and the helpless, hopeless clown that lives inside us all. Okay, I hear what you are thinking.  Not you.  There is no clown inside of you… only me.  That is one of a myriad of mistakes that makes me acknowledge that I am far short of perfection.  I am not a know-it-all.  I am a know-it-sometimes who too often tries to bluster his way through like he isn’t completely unsure of himself and terrified that other people will see what he truly is and laugh him out of business.  I am a pratfall, butt-of-the-joke, snicker-at-snidely sort of buffoon who never gets it right and deserves every guffaw thrown at him.  Clowns are often all blue, squishy, and sad on the inside.  That is often the only thing that makes us funny.  Do you know what brought on this wave of self pity?  Of course you do.  No man ever went through a day of stumble-muffs and misquotes, goof-ups and stubbed toes like I did without feeling at least a little bit that way.  Oh?  Not you, again?  I hear you.  It must be nice to never make mistakes.   clllown  I have my car registered with the wrong registration sticker.  When I tried to get the State inspection done, I found out my car is now supposed to be the old van my wife destroyed in a car accident last spring.  My bank’s bill-pay service has twice sent money to the electric company which somehow lost the electronic check.  I can’t even handle idiot-proof details any more.  My son who was home on leave went back to the Marine Corps early this morning.  I took him to the airport and had to bring all his deodorant spray, shampoo, and toothpaste back home with me because soap on an airplane equals terrorist.  Apparently that should’ve all gone into the bags we checked, because that stuff only explodes in the carry-on bags, never the baggage compartment.  I am called out for my many writing mistakes, even the ones I made on purpose trying to be funny, and my self-editor let me down on several occasions in the past week.  So I am depressed.  At life I am, at best, a .125 hitter, barely making more than one hit in every ten at-bats.  I am a rodeo clown trying to play in a basketball game, and the bulls are all Michael Jordan.  (How’s that for a mangled metaphor?)  Francois  But it isn’t all the blues that I am singing.  Good things have happened too.  Life continues in my unlikely body afflicted with six incurable diseases, and I am a cancer survivor since 1983.  The golf-ball sized growth the surgeon removed from the back of my head last week was benign, no sign of cancer.  My son was home on leave.  Every day is it’s own miracle.  And I have gotten some writing done.  So what if every editor and every reader doesn’t fall in love with every single word?   The story goes on for at least another day.

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More Playing With Black and White Backgrounds

Here is the result of taking a section of my big black and white background and inserting a bit of color.  New pictures out of old ones.  Can I cheat at the art thing or what?Background bb2b

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Midterm Elections

Politics is, unfortunately, a game with rigged rules that you and I need to win, but have only a snowball’s chance in H-E-double-hockey-sticks of winning.  Why do we need to win?  And why can’t we?  It is a matter of how government serves us and who it really belongs to.  It is supposed to work democratically, enacting the will of the majority for the general welfare.  It is supposed to belong to the American people who vote to make it so.  Unfortunately, the Dark Side of the Force has waxed powerful and Darth Dick Cheney and his apprentice Darth Elefans (possibly the Sith Lord name of Ted Cruz) have taken power.  The government has become a fascist oligarchy with Sith Lords and corporations enslaving the masses, crushing the middle class, and stripping us of every benefit our tax dollars are supposed to be paying   for.

I know that sounds like I am a liberal, and many of my Republican-leaning friends in both Texas and Iowa cringe at the sound of it.  To them “liberal” means bad and “conservative” means good.  They have all stopped reading this before it reaches this sentence.  But to me, liberal simply means that I care.  I want to see government help people even if that means that I have to make personal sacrifices to do it.  Conservative seems to mean more and more that such a person is only interested in protecting themselves, their profits and their prejudices.

What, you may ask, am I basing this judgement on?  I look at what happened in this week’s election.  Republicans won a majority in the Senate and retained their majority in the House.  The Republican winners have expressed the belief that the Affordable Care Act, so-called Obamacare, needs to be repealed.  That basically means that because the Insurance industry, pharmaceuticals, and medical equipment manufacturers make higher profits doing things the old way, they want to take away the insurance that so many people now have that they didn’t have before.  In other words, profit is far more important to them than people’s health.  These victors have also expressed the belief that global warming and climate change are a hoax, or simply untrue.  This means that they reject the scientific evidence that confirms its existence.  Science must be wrong because they don’t accept that the recorded facts are true.  In other words, they find it more profitable to be stupid and block any attempts to regulate or slow down the highly profitable gas and oil industry.  These winners have also stated that the debt and deficit that this country is burdened with (an artifact of a previous Republican administration) needs to be lessened by taking away food stamps, medicare, medicaid, and other social benefits, programs paid for by our hard-earned tax dollars and meant to benefit those among us who fall on hard times or have a need many times created by the wealthy upper class who paid billions of dollars to buy elections and have no need of these services themselves.  If we were to return to President Eisenhower’s ninety per cent tax rate on the wealthy, the Koch Brothers and the Walton Family of Wal-Mart heirs could easily reduce the deficit themselves.

We deserve to benefit from the government we paid for.  The majority of all taxes have been paid by the middle class and the poor since the Reagan Administration.  The wealthy have gotten tax breaks and moved their money off shore or out of the country for too many years.  They can now legally (thanks to the Supreme Court which is tilted to the conservative side) buy elections with unreported dark money that corrupts not only Republicans, but Democrats as well.  We are left with no one to represent our interests.  We are at the mercy of heartless, Dark-Side masters.  Whatever can we do?

It is a time for heroes.  Senator Al (Han Solo) Franken retained his seat in Minnesota, winning more strongly than he did the last time.  There are progressives alive and well and joining the Rebel Alliance in Minnesota.  Princess Senator Elizabeth Warren speaks out with authority from Massachusetts (Alderaan) in defense of women’s rights, our right to affordable education, and fairness in politics.  And our best hope lies in Senator Bernie (Luke) Sky-Sanders, the Independent Jedi from Vermont.  He wields a light-saber tongue that lashes out at the Koch Brothers and their election monkey-madness with dark money.  He fights for income equality and the middle class.  He may yet bring balance to the Force.

political insanity

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Troll Treasure

Troll Treasure 2Here is an old Paffooney revisited.  Here Prince Robin leads a team of adventurers deep into the darkling wood where they find and take on a troll.  The two dwarven filchers are no match for the man-beast, but two of the rogue’s well-placed arrows bring him down.  And the treasure is magical and valuable beyond their wildest dreams.  But is that an evil glow on the diamond known as the troll’s heart?  Will it corrupt the beautiful young rogue?  I simply do not know.

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