
You heard me right. Grape flavor. Specifically sour grape flavor.
I put my family on an airplane today to go be with my oldest son while he has surgery.
I get to stay home with the family dog because my back is hurting so fiercely from weather and arthritis that I can’t possibly spend hours on a plane.
So, sour grapes.
You know the Aesop’s Fable about the fox and the grapes?

The fox, seeing the luscious grapes, tries to leap and get the grapes. He is hungry for the grapes. Ravenous for the grapes. But no matter how hard he tries, he cannot reach the grapes with his snapping jaws.
He buys a trampoline from Acme. But it sproings him over the tree and into the river on the other side… where there are alligators. (Yeah, I exaggerate here… but in my life there always seem to be alligators.) He still can’t get the grapes.
So then he goes to Home Depot and buys a chainsaw to cut down the tree. But when he tries to rev up the chainsaw he realizes… he’s a fox. He doesn’t have hands. He has paws. He can’t work the chainsaw. And on top of that, his credit card is denied because he’s a fox and his job only pays in dead mice and rabbits, and chainsaws cost money, not mice. So Home Depot sent a Sheriff’s Deputy to arrest him for stealing the chainsaw. And it turns out that in spite of consumer complaints, Home Depot has signed a huge chainsaw deal with Acme, so the chainsaw explodes because he tried to start it with fox paws. And as he is flying through the air from the explosion towards the river with alligators… he realizes… grapes don’t grow on trees. There has to be something wrong with those grapes. They must be sour.
Now, this is exactly the way Aesop told the story. Believe me. It really, really sucks to be a fox and not be able to get what you want in life.
This surgery is a big thing. But it is not life threatening. My son will be fine. My family will be able to go places and do stuff while they visit and entertain him. It is like an extra family vacation. His grandmother (my mother) and his aunt (my sister) have both had the same surgery for the same reason. They both came through it and came out cured. But the problem is most likely genetic. So, not only do I not get to go and be with my family on this trip, the bummer reason for the trip is genetically probably my fault. Yep, there are alligators in that danged old river.
I get these benefits only from the sour grapes; I get a lonely week to recover from alligator bites for myself, and I definitely have something to write about for today.































May the Bird of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose!
I was planning to write a piece about insult humor for a while, and then Don Rickles had to up and die… that danged old hockey puck!’
So the master of insults is gone, and it will be even harder to explain why calling someone a proud and prissy poo-poo head is not a bad thing to do. Because, really… strong language is not really strength and it takes intelligence to be a mean little picky-wit. (No pun intended… because no pun was used, Duh! How slow are you compared to molasses around Christmas time?)
You may have heard me say that I don’t like hurtful humor. I don’t believe bad words are required to make something funny. I don’t think humor should be weaponized. Jokes that make you die laughing are too much like murder, and people who have no sense of humor can’t be hurt by them anyway.
It is true that some people can’t be touched with insult humor. Republicans and conservatives generally never get the joke. Unfortunately for them you have to be at least a little bit smart to even know when you are being made fun of.
I have heard that Kim Jong Un and President Orangutan in a Bad Wig recently attempted to assassinate each other. Trump had a specially trained batch of a dozen Easter chicks sent to Kim Jong Un. They were trained as mini-ninja assassins specializing in the death-peck attack. Kim had a dozen plump Korean beauties dressed up in bikinis and poisoned lipstick sent to Trump with orders to make him fall in love. Shortly thereafter Kim sent a thank you note to Trump for the delicious chickens. He had kept one as a pet and you can still see it sitting on top of his head if you look carefully enough. (It hasn’t killed him because it mistaked his head for an egg, adopted it, and is trying desperately to hatch it.) Trump, in turn, re-gifted the bikini babes to Mike Pence, and it is likely they will die of cold and exposure while waiting in his outer office.
Stupid people are immune to insults, karma, and consequences.
So you don’t insult people as a form of humor to hurt anyone physically… or even psychologically. You only do it metaphorically to pay them the compliment of thinking them worthy enough to bestow the gems of your wit upon.
And if you believe any of that bull-puckie, I may know of a Bridge in Brooklyn I’d be willing to part with cheaply.
So, there you have it. Cheap laughs at the expense of doody-heads. And calling into question the self-importance and the ridiculous-but-strongly-held political beliefs of others… especially the dumb ones can be a public service… of sorts.
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Filed under artists I admire, comedians, commentary, humor, satire, strange and wonderful ideas about life
Tagged as Don Rickles, humor, insult humor