Tag Archives: humor

Fantasia

Mickey

I learned a lot of what I know about cartooning by copying Disney characters.  Now, I know that this post could potentially get me into trouble, because  I am posting on a blog I use for marketing, an imitation Disney character, a very famous and very copyrighted character.  Disney has been known to sue school districts for showing Disney movies in class without expressed written permission.  They have become cruelly litigious since transforming from Uncle Walt’s Wonderful World of Color into an evil multi-national corporate media empire whose spokesperson is a mouse.  So I beg you to pardon my transgressions due to love and debt I have to the work in the title of this piece.  Consider this fan art, like the pictures I posted of the Phantom and Captain America (who is also now owned by Disney).

Fantasia is for me the Book of Life.

The movie starts with Bach’s masterpiece, Toccata and Fugue in D Minor.  This amazing piece reminds me of earliest childhood memories.  It begins with sound and the instruments that make it, becoming shapes and lines and movements and, eventually cloud forms.  It is the beginning of perception, like modern art itself, the raw energy and emerging forms that I began to perceive as an infant, but could not define or distinguish clearly.

Next comes  Nutcracker Suite by Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky.  This is the explorations of nature and the magic of existence as a mere child.  It uses Tchaikovsky’s sugar-plum ballet music to depict hours of play and learning and investigation and wonder.  In it I see myself as a young child, viewing all the color and beauty through wide eyes.

Then comes The Sorcerer’s Apprentice by Paul Dukas.  In this piece, the child in me, like Mickey the apprentice, for the first time bites off more than I could chew.  I overstep my protective boundaries and get myself into a serious fix that has to be undone by the parent stepping in at the end, and not only fixing it, but delivering the consequences to my ignorant behind with a broom.  Of course, we all know I will do it again.  Every child does.  But next time I will get it right.

This is followed by Rite of Spring by Igor Stravinsky.  Here the child is child no longer.  I watch the amoeba become dinosaurs to harsh and dissonant music.  I learn about the world, growing and evolving, finding out that life is full of hard lessons.  Life and Death play out there struggle, and the learning concludes when you reached the parched and hopeless climax, the realization that everything, no matter how big or powerful, ends in death and failure.  Dust returns to dust.

The film then blossoms into The Pastoral Symphony by Ludwig van Beethoven.  This mythical landscape of cute cherubs and satyrs, bare-breasted centaurettes, and Greek Gods rendered in pastel hues represents the blooming of romance, lust, and love.  There is celebration, complete with Dionysus and his invention, wine.  There is courtship, attraction, and bonding.  When the cherubs pull the curtain closed on the centaur couple, we also know what is happening behind the curtain even if it weren’t for the cherub whose butt becomes a red heart.  And, of course, there is a great storm that comes along, both in the pastoral music and the action of the cartoon, representing the volatility and strife that occurs when we dare to love another.  It does, however, subside for life to continue refreshed.

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The next piece is  Dance of the Hours by Amilcare Ponchielli.  This comedy of ballerina ostriches and hippos, bubble-dancing elephants, and aggressively dancing gators, is the domestic, married life.  It is a comedy of graceful awkwardness, beauty and humor rolled into the same cake and cooked with irony and wit.  And, of course, just like real life, everything is eventually carried away by the wind… until the next dance.

And finally, Night on Bald Mountain by Modest Mussorgsky and Ave Maria by Franz Schubert is the end of life.  First comes the pain and suffering of death, ruled over by Chernabog the Devil.  He commands the torture and heartless ritual that I am subject to even now, in the twilight of life.  The flesh and the bones yield to his trans-formative whims.  We must all dance to his music until the striking of dawn.  Then he is defeated and the spirit soars, free of body and definable form to the rousing strains of Ave Maria.  We journey through the cathedral forest towards the everlasting light, and the movie, like my life, will be done.  But I do not despair, because life, like the movie itself, can be endlessly replayed and is eternal.

I was not able to see this movie for the first time until college, attending a screening at Iowa State.  When it came out on VHS in the 80’s, I bought two, one to keep and store safely, unopened, and one to watch until it fell apart.  I also bought the DVD when it came out with Fantasia 2000.  I cannot count how many times I have seen this movie.  I even showed it to my classes as I was about to retire, and didn’t secure written permission.  But it was only this week, feeling ill and terribly mortal again that I realized… Fantasia tells the story of my life.

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Bug People

DSCN5326 Sometimes I like to bug people.  Wait, is that a pun?  Was it punny?  Maybe puny?  Bugs are puny.  I like bugs.  I am constantly making up names for them.  Bugs are people too… Aren’t they?  These are bug people.  One is a beetle who is not John Lennon.  Another is a moth who would rather be a butterfly.  There is a little ladybug.  And the bug giving out the Koolaid is Billy Bugbright.  Have you ever seen Hoppity Goes to Town?  It’s a Max Fleischer feature-length cartoon from 1941.  Here’s a link; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cZQhZkee5LA Okay, enough about bugs… I am going a little bit buggy.

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Nerds… by any other name!

This is an essay from 2006 that I dug up to make more fun of nerds (which can be considered self-referential humor).

A while back I had the misfortune to write an essay that I called a Bestiary for the Modern Classroom.  I delineated the nonsense as if it were more than the half-disturbed ravings of a burned-out junior-highschool English teacher, something like the wit and wisdom gleaned from a twenty-four year sentence to the educational gulag of our time.  I told you about the Pepsi girls, Snarks, and Invisible Kids.  I deliberately ignored an entire wing of the monkey house by not breaking down for you the tremendously terrible and totally trigonometric totality of the modern Nerd.
Urkel    DSCN5154

When I drew this particular nerd cartoon, I am a cartoonist, by the way, Steven Q. Urkel still strutted and polka-ed his way across the TV screen in the 80’s sitcom, Family Matters.  I fear nerds are still pretty much the same.  I will have to admit, I will probably also be accused of being a Nerd, and though I do love cheese and polka music and Star Trek… I AM NOT A NERD!  That second Paffooney is NOT a self-portrait, though I have to admit I do grin just like that, and wear glasses, and… but enough of that!
In my previous article, I made the most heinous mistake of mentioning that there were Gomers lurking in the classroom.  Well, GooooOlleee, everybody seemed to think that that meant a clueless hayseed from the back hills who went to and fell in love with the Marine Corps.  Do you remember Gomer Pyle, USMC?  Yeah, that make-believe soldier that made Sergeant Carter’s life a living heckfire during endless training sessions while real marines were getting cut to pieces by Russian-made weapons in the rice paddies of Viet Nam?  The rube part of that story, nor the military part are neither one of them the part that makes a Gomer a Gomer.  It is entirely the idiot-savant part.  Remember Gomer’s ability to burst into song and solve the problems of the whole camp with a beautiful basso rendition of “Oh, My Papa”?  Gomers are all like that.  They are nerds who can’t follow directions, get everything wrong in a Steve Urkel, “Did I do that?” sort of way, and who are two earnestly sweet and silly to ever be mad at.  They also have that one unmatchable talent hidden somewhere inside that they can whip out without warning and melt the hearts of every LuAnn in the crowd.  It isn’t necessarily a singing talent.  Young Master Victory Brown was a hip-hop wannabe who couldn’t get the attention of a decent cop by blowing up the Chemistry lab, but who could dance like a wild man.  Everything went against the boy, it seemed, except when a professional singer like Patsy Torres came to play and sing in the high school gym for Red Ribbon Anti-Drug Week.  Young Vic got up on that stage and started dancing.  Ordinarily, the performer’s bodyguards would’ve had a punk like that in chains before the song was over, but he was so enthusiastic and downright good, that Patsy Torres was wowed and let him stay.  He danced so hard he executed a perfect back-flip off that stage and into the audience, where he landed on his feet like a cat and kept right on dancing like he meant to do that all along.  You know what?  I believe he really did mean to bust that move.  And man, did he ever bust it!  Gomers can excel in math, chess, theater-arts, drawing and painting, sewing, singing, and practically anything else that could ever be that one miraculous talent that lets them strut and fret for hour upon that stage.  Victor would be offended to hear it, but he was a Gomer through and through.
Goths as a subspecies of nerd are worrisome at best.  Girls and boys, though mostly girls for some strange reason, who wear spiked dog collars like Droopy’s enemy Spike in the old Tex Avery masterpieces, and all look like they must surely belong to Bela Lugosi’s fan club with their black clothes and black lipstick and eyeliner (even on the…No! I mean especially on the… boys) and their notebooks scrawled with death’s head symbols and Marilyn Manson stickers are all under the mysteriously medieval label of Goth.  Now where did this nonsense ever start?  I will admit that I was once at a midnight screening of Rocky Horror Picture Show, and I did briefly admire the poems of Baudelaire and Rimbaud in College, but I wouldn’t be caught dead pasting my hair down with hair gel just to show off my Eddie Munster widow’s peak, and I would never let anyone read my gloomy Death Poems and Devil Poems from the late 70’s, let alone paste them on MySpace or Xanga (Read that now as WordPress) billboards.  I am mortified by the obsession with mortality displayed by the average Goth.  Did they not hear Kevin McCarthy’s warning about the pod people?  Did they never fear the bite of Barnabas Collins because it would make them tainted and like him?   Whether the whole Goth scene is dying or not, I have to regretfully report, there was a girl last week at Ted Polk Middle School wearing her eye-liner like a tribute to Alice Cooper.  The dramatically dying and dreary undead are still ironically alive in the teenage Goth.
That leaves only Trekkie Techies to complete my bestiary.  And you will undoubtedly agree with me that they have been around since the 1950’s.  In the 1970’s we called them the “Audio-visual Club.”  Yes they were the ones that strange-old Mr. Hickenlooper would get to run his eighth grade social studies film backwards to fill the remainder of a period.  He somehow thought that seeing the cannon fire off of the Battleship Missouri blowing back into the barrels in black and white newsreel footage was the height of humor.  Mr. Hickenlooper never truly realized that he was the only one laughing at his jokes.  The rest of us laughed at how he was laughing at his own jokes.  In other words, we were not laughing WITH him, we were laughing AT him.  The Big Hick was himself a nerd, probably of the subclass known as a Trekkie Techie.  Yes, they watched Star Trek just as I watched Star Trek.  But they were also the ones who could actually explain to you how a warp drive worked, and fantasized about kissing Uhura as a Klingon Captain.  You probably won’t believe it, but Trekkie Techies are still around and going strong.  Now, instead of 35mm film and tape recorders, they work with I-pods, Dell Computers, and Flash Drives, but they are still making technology dance to their own different drum.  Instead of Captain Kirk and the Vulcan Death Grip, they talk about Jackson’s version of Frodo, the other Jackson’s Master Mace Windu, and how Marv whacked ’em all in Sin City, but they are still living in their own little fantasy worlds and talking Klingon and Huttese.  Don’t get me wrong.  I know Bill Gates was one, and Bill Clinton was another, and probably Obama is too(or is that O’bama? he doesn’t look Irish?), and all three of them probably would get a laugh out of ionizing George W. Bush’s underpants, but it will never be cool to be a Techie Trekkie.  The question will undoubtedly arise, since I like Star Trek and Star Wars and Star Anything, am I a Techie Trekkie too?  Well… “May the Force Be With You!”
So now my little bestiary is complete with all the major species of anniemule in the middle school classroom.  Do you think I left any out?  No doubt.  There are more kinds of human beings in middle schools than are dreamt of in your philosophy, Horatio.  (Yeah, isn’t there a kind of Snark who always misquotes Shakespeare to keep us entertained?)

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My Latest Novel

I sent this novel to the publisher during the October submission window last night.  I am hoping it will get published and add to my published catalog.  Superchicken was my nickname in high school, so this one is a little autobiographical.  This is also the one where a boy is tricked into going camping with a girl who has a crush on him at a nudist camp.  So it should be noted that some things in this story really happened.  Still this young adult novel is mostly funny, a little serious, and a lot of fantasy.

superchick_novel Supe n Sherry_n

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Red Skelton

I don’t usually do portraits, but, as I believe I may have said on an older post, Red Skelton is like a god to me.  Much of what I know about comedy, I learned from him back in the 60’s and early 70’s.  I watched him religiously on Wednesday nights on both CBS and NBC (channels 5 from Mason City, Iowa, and 13 from Des Moines).  He made me laugh.  Sometimes he even made me cry.  So I honor him now with a portrait (or insult him, depending on your opinion of my artwork) in a Paffooney of Red as Clem Kadiddlehopper, pride (or maybe village idiot) of Cornpone County, Tennessee.

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Foreshortening

When something is nearer in the picture, it appears bigger than those things that appear farther away.  This is called foreshortening.  It is artists’ jargon for the kind of superhero pictures that Jack “King” Kirby always used to do on the covers of Avengers, Fantastic Four, and Captain America comic books in the 60’s and 70’s.  The hands that reach out to grab you.  The fists or the gun-barrels that rush toward you.  These are the things I must draw bigger than the anatomy or the scenery that comes behind.  So let me try that with novel ideas.

Snow Babies is being published as you read this.  Here is a one-sentence foreshortening of that novel; A blizzard so terrible that omens of death by freezing begin appearing, descends on a small Iowa farm town, and four young runaways on the Trailways bus must find shelter of more than one kind.

I have gotten Superchicken ready to be submitted to a publisher.  Here is a one-sentence foreshortening of that;  A boy moves to a small Iowa farm town where he doesn’t fit in and is treated as an outsider, but before he can feel like he truly belongs, he must learn about himself and the super powers he has always had inside him.

The first draft that I have just finished is called The Bicycle-Wheel Genius.  This is the foreshortening for that;  A genius inventor has lost his wife and son to a lab accident, so he must come to terms with the dangers inherent in science as he tries to heal himself by making friends with the gifted boy who lives next door.

If you are a writer and have written a book or two, can you do a foreshortening on that story?  I would be fascinated to hear about it, even if it takes more than one sentence.monsters

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Protagonists

Tim!
I have been thinking about who qualifies as the Protagonist in my most recent novel, The Bicycle Wheel Genius.  I have to ponder this because the title character, the inventor Orben Wallace, doesn’t actually seem to be the center of his own story.  Instead, it is the boy who lives next door that is learning about life, adventure, girls, and imagination.  In the novel, the inventor has taken a vow to never use electronic devices if he didn’t have to because it was an electromagnetic invention that went awry in his laboratory and started the house fire that killed his wife and son.  So he tries to invent things with pedal power and tries to forget the wife and son he lost.  But it happens that Tim Kellogg, the inquisitive boy next door, not only reminds him of the lost son, but he actively tries to learn about Orben and make friends with him.  Tim has a best friend, Tommy Bircher, who shares in his adventures and always stands by his side.  But Tommy’s parents are involved in an international business that moves them away from Tim.  He has to deal with the loss of his best friend.  At the same time, his new best friend, Mike Murphy, has discovered girls.  One particular girl, Blueberry Bates, is in love with him and captures his young heart.  So naturally Tim is upset, and so tries to get back at the girl who took his replacement best friend.  He has to learn to understand an appreciate the girl and her needs better.  Tim and Orben desperately need to be friends with each other, and through shared adventures, they discover that the bond between them is very powerful.  So, I have to conclude that Orben is not really the protagonist of his own story.  He is not the one who has to learn something and fundamentally change.  And Tim Kellogg begins and ends the story, just as he does in this post.

Tim1

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Finishing the Wheels of Stone (I finished my novel…Yay!)

MillisI finished a novel today.  I reached Canto One Hundred and Eighteen (I inexplicably call chapters cantos and pretend that they are really parts of an epic poem or story-song).  I put an ending on the story I have been working on since the Summer of 2012.  Now, it probably is not obvious to you, especially if you are a writer who takes a rough draft and reworks, rewrites, revises, and does several other things to it that start with re-.  I don’t work that way.  I build a story with stone blocks, and am loathe to take foundation stones out of it once I’ve constructed the castle in the air.  So this story, Blue and Mike in colorThe Bicycle-Wheel Genius, starts with gossip in a post office, and ends with tears and laughter at a wake for a beloved character whom I never expected to die when I started the story.  It can no longer be changed.  Like any stone structure, all I can do now is polish the surface.  So, I am elated.  The worst of the birth pangs are over.  Have you ever tried to pass a stone castle?  Painful is a total understatement.  And I have to say, I love this story now with a passion, even though when I reread it out loud to polish it, it is going to tear my heart out all over again.  But it is done, and the celebrations must now begin!

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Little Mermaids

little mermaid2

Why do I post a Paffooney about a mermaid?  Especially the horrific tale of the Little Mermaid written by Hans Christian Andersen?  I cannot really say… unless it is about self-sacrificing love… and its redeeming value.

In the original story, the 15-year-old mermaid discovers that mermaids, though they live for 300 years, do not have a soul.  She also manages to save a handsome prince from drowning, and then falls in love with him.  She goes to the sea witch to become human and have legs.  For the switch from fins to feet, the little mermaid pays a terrible price.  The sea witch cuts out her tongue.  When she drinks the feet-making potion, it hurts as if she were being split by a knife.  And, though, she can’t talk to win the prince, she can dance.  Dancing, however, feels like walking on broken glass, constantly bleeding and hurting.  So she goes to win true love’s kiss from the prince, the only thing that can give her a human soul.  But the prince is a total jerk, refusing to believe that the mermaid is the one who saved him and marrying the princess next door instead.  The sea witch gives the mermaid one final hope.  She can kill the prince, and bathing her legs in his blood, become a mermaid again.  Though he probably deserves to die, she decides she cannot kill him, and so she dies, becoming sea foam.  Yep, a horrible story in which the heroine sacrifices herself for a love that exists only in her own heart.

And the story doesn’t end there.  In the 1952 Danny Kaye movie Hans Christian Andersen, it is suggested that he wrote the story of the Little Mermaid as a ballet to send a message of his self-sacrificing love to the ballerina he loved but had no idea of his love.  Now, we know the movie doesn’t even try to be biographically accurate, but the real Andersen, a self-proclaimed asexual being, had many deep affairs of the heart that were not only non-sexual, but decidedly unrequited.  He had loves both female and male who could not love him in return.  No one ever gave the old bachelor the kind of love he desired, and yet, in his self-sacrificing way he poured his love into some of the most lovely fairytales ever written.

Disney had the audacity to change the little mermaid into a story with a happy ending.  This, of course, was the Disney way.  Although Walt Disney was dead and had no knowledge of the animated film, he would’ve approved.  Wish-upon-a-star magic of happy-ever-aftering is pretty important to the Disney legacy as a whole.  The lovely cartoon musical saved the Disney empire from decline and dissolution.  I am aware that the business plan of evil corporate manipulator Michael Eisner also has to be given credit, but I prefer to believe that everything can only come to a happy ending by mixing in the essential ingredient of unconditional love.

Why, then, did I do a Little Mermaid Paffooney?  Was it so I could draw a naked young girl?  I hope not.  I hope it is because I believe that the only purpose of art is to portray the uncloaked love that exists at the center of all experience.

Edmund_Dulac_-_The_Mermaid_-_The_Prince

The Little Mermaid by Edmund DuLac

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Carl Barks – Master of the Duck Comic

One of my most valuable books of magic is Uncle Scrooge by Piero Zanotto (with a forward by Carl Barks).

Barks ducks

This book is filled with some of the best cartoons from Duckburg written and drawn by Carl Barks.  Scrooge McDuck was first created by Carl Barks in 1947.  Barks had inherited the Donald Duck comic book franchise from Al Taliaferro in the 1940’s.  He used his animation training to create an artfully sequenced series of stories that transformed Donald from an enraged character screaming at life into a responsible Uncle with three nephews, Huey, Dewey, and Louie, as well as relatives like his unfailingly lucky cousin Gladstone Gander, crazy inventor Gyro Gearloose, villain Magica DeSpell, and the richest duck in the world, Uncle Scrooge McDuck.  His run of amazing adventure comics created through the 50’s, 60’s, and 70’s fueled much of my art training and story-telling training as a boy through comics like the following;

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http://pencilink.blogspot.com/

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http://www.empirecollectibles.com/

I read these comics to pieces.  I studied every panel in great detail.  Carl Barks means more to me than most of the teachers I had in school… all but three or four of them.  And I hope this little post of praise will inspire you to look into the man and his ducks, and find there the beauty, the wisdom, the adventure, and the humor that completely captivated me.

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