Tag Archives: autobiography

The Uncritical Critic

The Lyric Theater on Main Street, Belmond, Iowa

The Lyric Theater on Main Street, Belmond, Iowa

My family took me to the movies last night.  We went to see Jurrassic World.   We went to the local hometown theater in Belmond, a place that I first went to movies at in the 1960’s for I don’t remember what… well, I’m old… you can’t always remember early childhood when your old brain is clogged with fermenting memories and nostalgia on steroids.  I saw Battle for the Planet of the Apes here.  I saw Tarzan and the Valley of Gold here.  Bedknobs and Broomsticks, The Gnome-Mobile, The Love Bug… Disney movies, Christmas movies, musicals, cartoons, westerns… science fiction… This was an important feature of my Midwestern Iowegian childhood.  I watched all kinds of movies here, and they were all the best movies I have ever seen.  Even the really bad ones.  Even Harum Scarum with Elvis Presley.  I love movies with the uncritical heart of a seven-year-old boy.

640_jurassic_world_embed1I know in my stupid old head that some movies are better than others.  I know enough about movie-making and story-telling to know that Jurassic Park was a better movie than Jurassic World.  I know that these two movies are better than Jurassic Park, the Lost World and infinitely better than the hot mess that was Jurassic Park III.  But I love them all.  Formula or not.  Consistent plot or not.  Humor that is actually funny or simply sad enough to make you groan.  I watch practically anything that flickers with an uncritical eye.  I have never walked out of a movie theater before the Best Boy and Key Grip’s names have appeared in the credits.  I would especially never walk out of this particular theater.  Who I am is pretty much shaped by the movies I have seen..

Why does this poster-saurus want to eat the pretty red-head's head?

Why does this poster-saurus want to eat the pretty red-head’s head?

And Jurassic World is a good movie.  The characters are engaging.  You are sucked into the drama to the point that if either of the two kids are eaten by dinosaurs, you will be totally devastated and may actually die in your seat because you have been jumping and flinching with every scare they get, and for at least part of the movie you are seeing everything through their eyes.  And the heroic Chris Pratt character allows you to stride boldly through the dinosaur-infested jungle with deadly velociraptors at your side.  You get to be a bit of a bad-ass… er… bad donkey, as you tackle the man-made monster dinosaur at the center of the monster-movie disaster.  Movies are supposed to surprise you and give you something new.  (But I don’t mind when the story hits certain predictable patterns and cliches.)  This movie let me have the pleasant surprise of the villainous velociraptors of the first movie transforming into the heroes of this movie (but they did eat a few minor characters along the way… and one human villain… though I hope the poor velociraptor didn’t get a stomach ache from that icky old guy).  If you are looking for a reliable movie review to gauge the quality of the movie, you probably shouldn’t be looking at this article.  I am not really a critic.  I love movies beyond the point where sanity, reason, and critical thinking can actually protect you from cinematic evils.

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Butterflies and Blossoms

A Red Admiral butterfly...

A Red Admiral butterfly…

I am temporarily at home in Iowa, visiting the farm where my grandparents and great grandparents have owned the land and raised crops for over 100 years.  My parents live there now in retirement, and while somebody else tends the corn and rents the land, they maintain the yard and grow flowers.  Retirement is hip deep everywhere around the place.  My old retired self and my wife and my kids are all descended upon them just like the butterfly who came to sample the purple flowers on the porch trellis.  Little work gets done.  My wife and eldest son have jobs and contribute to society still, but we retired folks putter and stutter and watch the butterflies flutter.  We watch the kids and the flowers grow.

The Family Farm House

The Family Farm House

Watching stuff grow has always pretty much been what farming-family Iowegians do.  Corn and soybeans, watermelon, pumpkins. cucumbers, string beans, sweet corn, pop corn, strawberries, potatoes… at one point or another I have helped to plant, tend, harvest, and eat all of those things… well, not seed corn and field soybeans… you can’t directly eat those… but you know what I am talking about, making things grow to feed myself and my family.  There is satisfaction in working the land and making things grow… a fundamental feeling of achievement that helps us feel like we are not mere parasites, consuming and wasting and decimating… we build for the future rather than take maximum profit at the present moment.  Farmers are the good guys.

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Only, not so much any more.   For our family farm, with three grandsons (of which I am one) available to do it, none of us have become farmers.  The next generation after us includes no farmers either.  So that fundamental feeling of achievement is basically a memory now.  Only a memory and nothing more.  Feeding the world has become somebody else’s problem now.  We are watching the flowers grow.

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Is there value in old farmers watching the flowers grow?  Of course there is!  The land is still functioning farm land.  Iowa is still the breadbasket of America.  We still feed the world.  And we who own the land are at least providing the flowers and the nectar necessary to feed butterflies.  The beauty, as well as the meaning and the metaphor, is there for anyone who wants to see it.

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Winning Easy

20150628_124803Now that Captain Action finally liberated my X-Box from the evil Dr. Evil who was holding it for ransom and not letting me play EA Sports Baseball ’04, I have been able to play Baseball ’04 again.  (It happened in this blog; Dr. Evil’s Removable Brain)  I have been playing this video game now with a passion, as you can plainly see.  You are probably aware that the St. Louis Cardinals are my very favorite team in any and all sports.  Notice, please that I have just pitched Matt Morris’ 30th victory against no defeats over stinky old steroid-fueled Roger Clemens.  It was also his 9th shut out of the season.  This is the first 30-game-winning season since Denny McLain in Detroit, in the 1968 season.  I only had to replay the entire 2004 season 4 times to get there.  Oh, and Albert Pujols has hit 114 home runs and Scott Rolen hit his 70th and 71st in this game.   You are certainly smart enough to figure out by now that I have left the difficulty level of this game permanently set at the Rookie level.  Hey, I’m old.  I like easy wins.

A close-up of the Flower Wagon's first bloom.

A close-up of the Flower Wagon’s first bloom.

This is true in so many areas of my life.  The flower wagon that I posted about on Friday is another evidence of my dedication to the philosophy of the easy win.  It was a victory over many things… depression, tragedy, Texas gully-washers that keep on coming, the tragedy of an old toy that no longer gets played with… things where my decrepit old self with six incurable diseases needs desperately to win.

Flowers in our yard in general are a victory of sorts.  This is Texas.  A couple of summers back we were in a severe drought with like 99 days in a row of high temperatures of 100-plus.  Flowers in June in Texas are a bit of a miracle.  Good flower pictures recently taken are another miracle.  My cell phone camera takes so much better pictures with all its automatic settings than my digital camera which cost twice as much, that it makes me wonder why I ever bothered with it.

A Yellow Rose of Texas in our yard.

A Yellow Rose of Texas in our yard.

Another yellow perennial that came up due to funky wet weather.

Another yellow perennial that came up due to funky wet weather.

Of course, this is pictures the easy way because I am not trying to adjust the color balance (in spite of partial color-blindness), or the brightness compensation, all by my own little self with my modest-to-insignificant photography skills.  (I am just skilled enough at photography to recognize a great work of art photographed by someone else, not skilled enough to take one myself.)

I am retired now.  I have had a long hard career as a public school teacher, and I am working hard at being a good writer (professional or not) in retirement.  I figure I deserve the odd easy win.  Using my writing skills to tackle toxic ideas like prejudice and politics recently I was able to score some real points with some of my very conservative friends.  I discovered by concentrating on the things they believe which I agree are very good things, I was able to make them consider a more liberal point of view, and not cling to Fox-News-sort-of faux-Fox-facts.  I can even get them to laugh at things like saying “Fox-News-sort-of faux-Fox-facts” because it sounds funny even if you are only reading it silently in your head.  It is an example of arguing towards an Easy Win, and I have become an addict.

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Taking the Road Home

The Road HomeI was once offered a hundred dollars for this oil painting of State Highway 3 in Iowa.  The art collector who offered it was a fellow teacher at the time.  He didn’t really know much about painting.  He collected wooden Santos, or carved saints from Mexico, and he had bought wooden carousel horses before.  He was very knowledgeable about wooden sculpture from Mexico, but kind of a dithering old fool who was actually going blind at the time from cataracts when it came to other kinds of art.  He wanted to encourage me as an artist, although he couldn’t really see the painting very well.  I loved the old guy, but blind guys shouldn’t really be teachers (unless they have Daredevil level hearing skills), and they definitely shouldn’t try to evaluate art that they can’t see by touching.   I was flattered, but also very happy I held on to the painting instead of selling it.

You see, this is literally the road home.  Traveling west on Highway Three, you only have to go a couple more miles down this road to reach the little town where I grew up, Rowan, Iowa.  And I am going home this week.  My parents live on what used to be the Raymond Aldrich farm.  Up ahead in the painting you turn right on the gravel road north to reach the connecting gravel room that takes you to Grandpa and Grandma’s farm house, where my parents, in their 80’s now live.  In many ways it is a journey into the past.  I have a class reunion of the Belmond High School Class of 1975 on July 3rd.  I get to revisit the town where I grew up and the family farm which always used to be the center of my world even though we lived in a different house in the town of Rowan.  My whole family of 5 is going along.  My sisters and their families will also be there.  It is worth the 700-plus mile trip, which we are doing today.  Soon, the picture becomes reality.  I thank my lucky stars I never sold it.

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The Flower Wagon

My life has more-or-less become an exercise in making the best out of a bad situation.  Believe me, I know yours is probably the same and I am bemoaning the common condition of us all, but we do what we do and it doesn’t get easier just because we do it daily.  So today’s post is about the flower wagon.

20150531_193228Now, if you are truly fool enough to read a lot of my purple paisley prose in this basically boring blog, you may have seen references to the flower wagon before this.

Last year, doing yard work, I had an inordinate amount of crushed live-oak acorns from the street near where we park our cars.  Our oaks were excessively reproductive that year because, I guess they found the weather unusually sexy or something.  So I had copious amounts of crushed acorn.  In fact, before I got it all scooped up, a little bit of rain had turned it into the acorn-equivalent of peanut butter… goopy, sticky, and unpleasant to touch.  Most of it went into the compost bin, but the last little-red-wagon load got left in the little red wagon to get snowed on, frozen solid, and snowed on again.

We love that little red wagon.  When the kids were small, we used it to pull them around SeaWorld in San Antonio and AstroWorld in Houston.  It went all over the country with us on summer vacation, and was the Princess’ personal coach and four (provided she allowed the cooler full of ice for water, soda, and fruit to share the ride).

So, the neglected little red wagon turned into a rust-bucket lawn ornament this spring, and it was busy growing a bumper crop of weeds in all that acorn peanut butter… fertile stuff, acorn peanut butter.  So I decided to plant flowers.  I got some Walmart zinnias and some wildflowers, spending about a dollar fifty all told, pulled the weeds by hand, and sprinkled flower seeds all over it.  We are all sad to see the lonely little wagon deteriorating and being demoted to lawn ornament status, but it seemed like we had a possibility of new life within reach.

This spring, with the monsoon rains Texas apparently borrowed from Asia and the Philippines, I did not even have to bother myself with watering.  If anything, there was too much water… flash-flood-warning-daily sort of too much water.  So I have been patient… watching and weeding.  And then…

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20150626_084717The first blossom bloomed and turned color yesterday while we were picking up number one son from the airport.  Old things can produce new things.  Decay and age lead to blossoming new life.  There has to be a balance between happy and sad.  I am trying like heck to be a humorist, but I have learned the lesson that you can’t be laughing all the time.  But here is proof that after the rains come the flowers.  And I am laughing now.

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Texas Airport Adventures

20150625_114933Ah, Love Field, the scent of baking asphalt heavy in the air… even indoors where it is nominally air-conditioned (the word nominally here meaning “in name only”), people rushing about like lemmings and hamsters (though not the cool hamster-people of the recent car commercials), and air-port workers moving at the speed of airport business transactions (slower than molasses outdoors at Christmas during a blizzard).

Number One Son, the Marine home on leave, gave me the heads-up when he texted me at 7:45 am that he would be arriving “around 11:00”.  I knew he would be flying in… but it didn’t occur to him to give me any details.  What is the flight number?  What airline are you on?  What airport?  Remember, there are two big ones in the DFW area.  So, like all men who don’t know which end their own heads are attached to, I asked my wife.  “Love Field” was all she said.

Now, this is partially good news.  Love Field is small… compared to DFW.   I could most probably catch him at the cattle-gate where all the passengers come out of the concourse through the same door.  If you look carefully at the picture, you may spot the reflection of my be-hatted old head forlornly watching the ramp up to the cattle-gate.

20150411_130035My number-two son, Henry, and my daughter, the Princess, were both waiting with me.  While we were waiting, they were bickering again.

“Jeez, Princess, if you bathed more often, you would smell a lot better than you do now!”

“I don’t stink any worse than you do, Henry!” she retorted, “And I bathe as often as you do.”

“I just had a shower last night!”

“Well, so did I.  I took a shower right after you!”

Before the blows and the beatings began I said in a grouchy voice, “Can we not have a stink-fight right now, please?”  The air-conditioner in the car only works poorly and part of the time… We also had to park out in the sun on the deck of the airport parking garage.  And it was a long walk in the sunshine of hot-old Texas to get where we were at that moment.  All of that pretty much was the reason for verbal combat and aroma follies.

“Where is he, Dad?” asked the Princess who complains right up to my patience-capacity red-line.  “Shouldn’t he be here already?”

“I texted him, but I don’t think that Houston flight at 11:00 was actually the one that he is on.”

Suddenly I got the “Where are you?” text from number one son.

“We’re at the exit waiting.”

“At DFW?”

“Oh, gawd no!” I said.  I started to hustle the two stink-warriors back towards the distant car.  “We’re at loVe FIeld.”  I hate when my finger is too big to hit the right key while texting and not simultaneously hit another key as well.

“Oh, hang on.”

I held my breath.

“That may be the one I’m at,” said the next text.

So, I halted the rushed exodus towards the $6 parking fee and the mad rush across the metroplex to the other airport.  I was still holding my breath a bit… and turning slightly purple when…  There he was with his guitar case, Marine backpack, and a rather silly grin on his face.

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The Haunting 2 ; The Wicked Witch of Creek Valley

If a horror movie is going to succeed as a movie franchise, the most serious challenge is to make a good #2,  So, for the sequel to The Haunting, I will tell you about the Wicked Witch of Creek Valley.  I hope to haunt her when I become a ghost, I really do.  And I should explain to you why.

witch of creek valley

My first job in the Dallas Fort-Worth area was at Creek Valley Middle School.  I was hired there by Dr. Witchiepoo (most likely not her real name… though not to protect the innocent).  She was a very prim and proper sort who had a reputation as a really good principal for earning high test scores on the State tests.  When she hired me, it was because I could demonstrate from school-district records that I, as the only 7th grade English teacher in the South Texas school district, was responsible for improving writing scores, above the State targets for the increasingly difficult and high stakes writing tests.  She was good at recruiting talented people for her school.  She was not, however, very good at treating talented teachers as human beans… er, I mean human beings.

I was assigned to be the #2 English teacher in Team #2 of the Eighth grade.  I soon discovered that I was #2 because #1 was one of Witchiepoo’s favorite teachers.  Now, I don’t blame #1 for that.  She was a nice teacher who loved students and didn’t understand why she got all the best students and the best treatment at faculty meetings.  I, and two other English teachers had to handle all the thugs and discipline cases.  In fact, the History teacher on our Team was also a basketball coach, and he shared with me the fact that all the worst kids in the 8th grade were in my English classes.  Classes of not less than 24 kids and not more than 30, for two consecutive class periods (double-dipping kids in reading and writing for two of the five major tests on the all-important State tests) can be a nightmare when they are packed with discipline problems.  I had five special education students who were all emotionally disturbed.  I had a bipolar teenage girl in one class who refused to take her medications and was not even identified by the special education department.  I had to find out about that one from the mother when discussing incidents in the class room.  Juggling that many wackos is possible, but you have to be properly informed and prepared.  And I was handling them as well as it is possible to do.

But, Dr. Witchiepoo did not like the way I taught.  She believed good classroom discipline is a quiet classroom, and bad kids controlled completely through fear.  I normally engaged with kids, joked with kids, listened to kids, and other things that made noise.  (Oh, my gawd!  The evil-eye looks I got from the boss.)  And I had at least one young gentleman of color that Dr. Witchiepoo wanted to see expelled for poor behavior.  The thing that ground my kippers the most about that situation was that he was actually a good-natured kid, quite likeable, and trying his hardest to meet behavioral expectations.  All of my favorite kids that ill-fated year were actually black kids.  I got the distinct impression that Dr. Witchiepoo didn’t feel the same.  Bipolar girl registered some kind of complaint about the young gentleman.  Dr. Witchiepoo was on my case to punish him daily, but without telling me what he had done wrong in my classroom.  I watch kids constantly and learn a lot about them just by looking.  Whatever this invisible behavior was, it gave Dr. Witchiepoo the fuel she needed to burn me with.  The fireball came during my evaluation.  Dr. Witchiepoo came in to evaluate my teaching methods in the class in which both bipolar girl and the young gentleman were in attendance.  She told me she didn’t have enough information for her evaluation after the first period-long evaluation (I still maintain it was because she didn’t see any bad things she could use against me).  So, she came back on another random day, un-announced, and she lucked out.  It was a day when bipolar girl was on a rampage.  I knew from the usual signals, late arrival, catty comments, and brooding silence, that bipolar girl was having a bad day.  (I have since learned that special education law specifies that my ignoring any attention-getting behaviors was the proper procedure for that kind of problem.)  While the bipolar girl was ignoring my wonderful teaching all period long because I didn’t rise to any of her bait, the principal spied the colored marker drawings that bipolar girl was occupying herself with instead of interrupting my lessons.  Principal Witchiepoo marched over to bipolar’s desk and took her markers away from her.  She didn’t shout at the girl, but she said things to her that guaranteed the retaliation that followed.  Witchiepoo put the markers on my desk, indicating that bipolar girl could not expect to get them back.  Well, then bipolar girl did interrupt my lesson and quietly got out of her seat without asking permission, walked to my desk, and took her markers back.  This is when the shouting started.  Not me, mind you.  Principal Witchiepoo and bipolar girl.  I was ordered to take my class to the library for the remaining ten minutes of the period while the Principal did whatever evil thing she intended to do to bipolar girl.

My evaluation nearly ended my teaching career.  As far as I know, bipolar girl got her markers back and maybe sat for two hours in detention.  I, on the other hand, was zeroed out in two domains on my evaluation, discipline because that was the obvious one, and promoting critical thinking in the classroom, because Witchiepoo couldn’t guarantee non-renewal with just one zero.  I was doomed from that day until the Garland school district gave me another chance to be a teacher three years later.  I felt ambushed.  The human resources officer for the district I was working for was rooting for me to get another chance, probably because he was getting other similar reports of abuses by Witchiepoo, but because I made the mistake of signing the bad evaluation, he had no recourse but recommend non-renewal of my contract.

So that is why I intend to haunt Witchiepoo.  But it will be hard to find anything scarier than she is to use against her.  The one thing a bully in a position of power like that fears most is loss of control.  To accomplish that, I will have to possess a number of her students and make them defy her.  Nothing scares a bully more than when the powerless stand up to them.

But there are drawbacks to this plan.  First of all, being inside a middle-school brain is bound to be super-yucky.  Boys often have the next closest thing to raw sewage going through their imaginations at any given time.  Girls can be full of saccharine-sickly pink clouds and butterfly-farting unicorns, or they can be darker and more super-Goth than any boy.  Possessing a boy would make me feel polluted, while to possess a girl is risking complete Silence of the Lambs levels of insanity.  So, there is that.

And worse, by now, karma has probably already caught up with Dr. Witchiepoo.  She had driven twelve teachers out of her school with her demanding micro-managing by the time the first semester had ended the year I was teaching for her.  The administration was already beginning to wonder.  The last time I talked to a colleague from Team #2 about Witchiepoo, a very talented math teacher who was also looking for a new job, I was told that she was on the verge of being fired for excessive abusive behavior against teachers and students.  And that was eight years ago now.  What are the chances that the tiger traded stripes for lamb’s wool?  So once again, my haunting plan will probably not work out.

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Sent to My Room and Sulking

Well, my family is packed up in the RV and headed to Florida, looking for beaches and fun, and going to see my eldest son graduate from his Marine MOS schooling.  I would’ve gone too, but my lungs have been very naughty and I can’t get that far away from doctors that my pirate health insurance will actually pay for.  So, I am stuck in my room.  It sucks (in the sense of a vacuum cleaner, because as a former middle school teacher, I am not allowed to even think about a less G-rated meaning; my teacher brain would blow a bad-word filter-gasket).  My family members, of course, are concerned about leaving me here alone, but I don’t want one of my six incurable diseases to be victorious over any of them.  It is enough that COPD can ruin my life, and it does not need to impact them.  Besides, I have the consolation of staying in my room with the carefully conditioned and filtered air and playing with my toys, like the old days when I was a kid (the really old, old days!) and got to stay home with Captain Kangaroo and my toys to play all day, even though I felt like regurgitated dodo-bird food… and I have a lot more toys now than I had then.

My Red Bedroom Studio

You can plainly see in the picture of my bedroom studio that I have stuffed animals all over (left over from my 2007-2008 online store days when I sold repaired and reconditioned stuffed animals from Goodwill), plenty of dolls… erm, action figures, a cardboard castle, a DVD player, laptop computer, books galore, and lots and lots of drawing paper.  I am prepared to be home-bound and left out of things.  I can draw and write stories and blog and draw some more.  And I will, too.  Besides sulking about having to miss out on the fun the rest of the family is having, something I am not only good at and thoroughly practiced at, but very efficient at producing words and ideas at the same time I am hurting, or woozing, or gasping for air, I intend to advance at least two of the three novels I am working on rough drafts for at this time.  I am working on When the Captain Came Calling, and Star-Dusters and Lizard-Men.  The first is about learning to see through lies, an invisible man who comes back to Iowa from a cursed voyage in the South Seas, and how a family deals with unthinkable loss.  The second is a star-faring science fiction tale of a planet dying of both pollution and corporate abuse that can be saved if the species of intelligent lizard-men living there are actually worthy of being saved.  So while I sulk and pout and feel sorry for myself, I have plenty to do.  And I will continue to make light of the situation even after it kills me.  Death won’t know what he did wrong to get hold of an ornery old Iowegian-Texas transplant like me who will laugh in his face until the old Bonehead is properly and resolutely perplexed.

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Where-in Lies the Funny?

The author without his make-up and after imbibing extra caffeine.

The author without his make-up and after imbibing extra caffeine.

I am attempting to be a humor writer.  There’s a statement that calls for more than a little rationalization.  Why would anyone want to be funny?  Especially why would a manic-depressive sick-old former school teacher want to be funny and write books for young people that tackle subjects like suicide, lying, nudity, sex, trans-genderism, death, suffering, religion, alien invasions, and getting old?  (Well, okay, getting old is inherently funny… especially the noises you unintentionally make from orifices and joints whenever you try to sit, move, lift, eat, or breathe.)  I ask myself this question only because I need to get to 500 words and stretch out the hoopti-doo to cover up the fact that I already know the answer and it is short and simple.  Joking about the things that tear your life apart is the only way to handle things and not become a serial killer.  (Make that cereal killer, especially Kellogg’s cereal of any and every description.  I am a very loving and accepting fool at heart and could never kill even one person… probably even in self-defense.)  I recently took a Who-do-you-write-like test that I found on another blog at All Things Chronic.  Here is the link; https://painkills2.wordpress.com/2015/05/31/who-do-you-write-like/

That silly little analyzer took a bit of my purple paisley prose and churned out a horror-writer answer, H.P. Lovecraft.  The Lord of the Old Mad Gods and Moonbeasts is a particular favorite of mine, one of several writers whose novels I have read everything I can get my hands on.  I still sleep with the lights on at night because of The Dunwich Horror, and The Shadow Over Innsmouth.  I am mad with admiration for his allusions to gibbering sounds and unholy terrors that taint and transfix our lives with fear to the very marrow of the bones.  I have to admit, I like the idea of being compared to him, in spite of the fact that he tries to inspire fear and madness, while I aim for goofiness and gaiety.   It is a delicious irony to try always to be Mark-Twain funny while writing with a horror writer’s convoluted and dictionary-intensive style.

And don’t get the idea from my mention of him in this self-reflecting ramble through jumbled ideas that I really believe I am as funny as Mark Twain.  I am not deluded or mentally ill… well, not deluded, anyway.  I am still learning to make people laugh with words.  And I don’t mean to be mean about it.  I don’t do George Carlin F**k-the-world-style humor.  I don’t even do Don Rickles-style insults.  I am more in favor of gentle humor.  I am not looking to call anybody names or trying to make certain folks look like Biblical-word-for-donkeys.  (Not even Republicans named Rick in yesterday’s post).  I want to show fictional people undergoing some of the dark things that filled my life with hurt, and doing it with the grace and good humor that only comes from a heart full of self-sacrificing love.  (Gee, no wonder I find comedy hard… I have chosen the most difficult and elusive kind of humor for my art.  I’d do a lot better with poo-poo jokes.)  (Oh, wait, I do poo-poo jokes, don’t I.  This one counts too.)Senator Tedhkruzh

I wonder if I made a mistake yesterday in portraying Senator Ted Cruz as a lizard man from outer space.  Was that a mean, name-calling sort of joke?  Or was I painting him in broad, humorous strokes with my colored pencils?  Once again, you can be the judge.  Here’s the picture again.  And you get to decide if anything I have ever said is funnier than it is just plain sad.

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The Mickey Himself

I was desperate for a daily topic and trying to pull together all the best Senator Ted Cruz jokes I could think of when this message from my publisher, PDMI appeared on Facebook;


Daven Anderson

May 31 at 3:52pm · Edited

Good evening PDMI family!
Attention new PDMI team members: I would like to run features about you on our company Facebook pages. Don’t worry if you don’t have a book ready, these posts are about you. What drives you. What got you here to PDMI. Your hobbies and interests. Who *you* are.
Message me, the PDMI Publishing Facebook page, or e-mail me at (his proper email address not revealed here)@pdmipublishing.com.
Thank you! smile emoticon

Aha!  I can write about myself, post it here to count for my goal of posting on WordPress every day this year, and then send it to him to fulfill this request.  That right there tells you a lot about me.  No, I don’t mean that I’m lazy.  Although I do re-post  a lot of old Paffoonies on this blog (https://catchafallingstarbook.wordpress.com/).  It means I have to be efficient and economize my best efforts.  I was a Texas public school teacher for 31 years, ending in a retirement last Spring because I suffer both from six incurable diseases, and the need to become a published author before I croak.  I have forty years worth of stories in me that have to get out in whatever time I have left.  I am ill and having breathing trouble today as I try to knock this post out at my usual 500 words plus of finished prose per day (that’s the minimum I have set for myself).  To date I have successfully published my book Catch a Falling Star that I published the hard way through I-Universe (now owned by Penguin Books).  That, however, is the hard way to publish.  All the editorial help and marketing help offered by I-Universe is offered for a price.  I had to write the book well enough to pass all their editorial standards and I had to pay a hefty sum of money for the privilege.  So, with the next novel project, I finished writing, and made it to the finals of Chanticleer Book Reviews YA novel contest, and then sought a new publisher, pdmipublishing.com, who agreed to publish Snow Babies and gave me a publishing contract in which I no longer need to pay out of pocket to get my precious stories into print.  So, it is safe to say writing is now my second career, and if I starve to death in old age it won’t be because the government basically hates teachers.  No, that isn’t accurate either.  The government doesn’t hate teachers (not even the Texas government); they only hate having to pay them for their work.  To finish up, I should make a list of my many life-consuming useless hobbies, but blogging is one of them, so you can read about doll collecting, comic books, and other such nonsense on my blog.  I am also an amateur cartoonist, which I will prove with a couple of my picture Paffoonies that I created to go with my novels;

My Art 2 of Davalon Val B22

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Filed under humor, NOVEL WRITING, Paffooney