Yes, Mickey still has more of this stuff to say. So, hang onto your shorts, and don’t let the old bird talk you out of them. But he’s gonna try… just like naturists once lobbied him.
And this stuff will probably not be as surprising as it was once or twice before, because you have heard him say it… err, saw him write it… in a previous post. Or two or three of them.
If you are one of those sane people who are not crazy enough to repeatedly read this blog, then you may indeed be surprised by stupid Mickey saying, “It’s good for you to be naked.” So, I should quickly review why Mickey ever needed to think about becoming a nudist at all.
You see, when Mickey was a child of ten, he was sexually assaulted by an older boy. Not a pleasurable thing, mind you, but a bizarre twisting of the private parts under threats of hurting the victim even more if he cried out or called for help. You know, the kind of thing that causes so much trauma that poor Mickey couldn’t allow himself to remember until he was twenty-two when he suddenly relived the entire incident in a PTSD-like flashback.
After the flashback, stupid Mickey decided that on this topic he needed to make himself into a smarter Mickey. He took a sociology class in college on human sexuality. He learned about the sexual abuse of children and the effects it commonly had on its victims. And of the many things he learned, he learned that it is important in the matter of healing to tell somebody. But he had a good, loving family, and he was reluctant to bring a life-spoiling thing like that to their attention. And the Methodist minister who had saved his life as a young teenager had moved away to a distant new congregation. So, who did he tell? His second regular girlfriend, the one who had been previously married and divorced. She had been through some tough things herself and therefore was able to understand.
The relationship between Mickey and Ysandra developed from working together as a teacher and teacher’s aide in a small South Texas school district. Their working relationship grew into a dating sort of thing by 1983, and one of the things that they most liked to do together was visiting Austin for the weekends. It was a long drive, but Mickey’s parents and Ysandra’s sister, and her family lived in the area. Mickey would stay in his parents’ house. And Ysandra would stay with her sister, her sister’s husband, and their baby daughter. They would go to see the sights in Austin, Zilker Park, the stage shows, the movie theaters, the good restaurants, and even the circus when it came to town. But there was one unexpected complication. Ysandra’s sister lived in a clothing-optional apartment house. And real nudists lived there.
Picking up Ysandra meant embarrassment. Mickey had to go up to the door with one of those sliding window things that gangsters use on bootlegger-casino doors, alert the gatekeeper to his presence, and then wait while the naked, hairy guy went and got Ysandra. And she invariably asked Mickey to come in and wait while she finished getting ready. There were lots of things inside there to look at and turn red over. Two young girls, probably sixth graders, were swimming nude in the pool one time, showing off bare butts when they dived. Another time, two beautiful young women with t-shirts and no pants on glared at him the whole time Mickey stood by the pool because, unbeknownst to Mickey, he was staring at them with an open mouth and purple face.
A third time, a boy with blond hair and no clothes on was playing pool at the courtyard pool table.
“Hey, skinny guy!” the boy said to Mickey, “take your clothes off and come play pool with me.”
“Can’t. Waiting for the girlfriend. Going to a movie,” Mickey said nervously.
Ysandra was fine with making fun of Mickey for being constantly embarrassed. She and her friends there enjoyed asking Mickey to go nude while spending time there, which he never did. The ladies got a good laugh when his face turned strange colors. But one of her brother-in-law’s friends took pity on Mickey and told him about the benefits of being naked in nature, nude in the sunshine, and meditating in your birthday suit. He also gave Mickey a book on naturism and an address for where he could get more such books.
And books were Mickey’s fatal weakness. He read and learned a lot about nudism. In his apartment, when he was alone and not expecting visitors, he got comfortable being naked most of the time. Of course, being seen naked by anyone else would start up the PTSD again. It was bad enough to interfere with getting closer and more intimate with Ysandra and eventually forced them apart. And being a school teacher precluded being known to be a nudist for Mickey. Still, the experience would lead to Mickey’s heart being captured by nudism as an ultimate goal.
Whether there will be a part 5 or not depends on a lot of things. For now it is merely a lingering threat.
Cranky Old Coots Complain and Don’t Care
Yes, I am a coot. I became a coot in 2014 when I retired. I have the hair in the ears to prove it. I sometimes forget to wear pants. The dog is learning to hide from me on days when my arthritis makes me cranky.
So I am a practicer of the ancient art of being a cranky old coot. I have opinions. I share them with others foolishly. And I am summarily told to, “Shut up, you danged old coot!” And, of course, I don’t shut up because that would be a violation of number five in the by-laws of cootism. Obnoxiousness is our only reason for still being alive.
Lately, my group of coots on Facebook (who call themselves a “pack” like wolves, but, in truth, a group of coots is called an “idiocy”) are talking about politics… very loudly salted with firmly held opinions, beliefs, and bad words in several languages. I mean, it’s texting each other on memes we disagree about, but we do it LOUDLY, like that, in all caps. We also do it in such an infuriating manner because, if no one ever bothers to tell us to “Shut the hell up!” we will begin to suspect we have actually died and gone to purgatory where we are still being obnoxious, but nobody knows we are doing it. That is rubbing coot fur in the wrong direction.
The radical right (otherwise known as coot paradise) have been cooting up a storm about school shootings and gun control of late. They have more or less turned their ire on me because, knowing I was a school teacher, they have seized on the Coot in Chief’s notion of arming teachers to protect schools. Obviously a majority of old coots agree that requiring a few “volunteer” teachers to conceal carry and learn how to handle a school shooter crisis situation with a gun instead of the way teachers are actually trained and practiced on handling such a situation, is the only economical way to defend schools from crazed lunatics with assault weapons. Of course, it is definitely more economical than hiring full time police officers to handle security because “volunteer” teachers does not mean that they are necessarily willing to do it, but rather that they are doing it without pay. And of course they shout at me things like, “Why don’t you just admit that you are too scared and unpatriotic to carry a gun as a teacher, and cowardly allow some female teacher with a big pistol to step in and do the job for you?” That is a very coot thing to say, and is hard to adequately counter, because if you try to argue using logic other than coot-logic, like the notion that since a majority of teachers in this country are female, you are asking women who are fierce enough to do the job (and I have known more than a few who would take it on no matter how hopeless their prospects) to take a handgun that the principal bought at Walmart with money from the Coke machine in the hall and face down a suicidal maniac with an assault rifle, you will not even be heard over the cacophony of coot braying and chest-thumping, let alone be understood.
And, for some reason, coots love Trump. Maybe because they feel he is truly one of them. He is older than dirt. He has an epicly bad comb-over to hide his bald spot. He says bad words very loudly in front of women, children, and everybody. He says, “Believe me,” a lot, especially when telling lies. And he’s not afraid to fart in public and blame it on the dog. I admit to insulting Trump in front of them only because I like to see coot faces fold up in extra wrinkles, and coot heads turn various shades of angry red and apoplectic purple.
So, yes. I am a coot. Not proud to be one… that I can remember, but a coot never-the-less.
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Filed under angry rant, commentary, feeling sorry for myself, foolishness, goofy thoughts, grumpiness, gun control, humor, Liberal ideas, oldies, Paffooney, teaching
Tagged as coots, gun control and coots, obnoxious coots, old coots