Category Archives: Uncategorized

The Harshest Critic

Image

 

“If you want to be a successful writer, you need to listen to me.  I am a reader.  You have to please me.”

“Yes, but, you are telling me to cut sixty per cent of everything.”

“Well, it isn’t any good, is it?”

“I like it.”

“That’s why you have to cut it.  These philosophies you write about… I don’t agree with those.  They are just wrong.”

“Not philosophies… themes, ideas, theories.”

“Still, they have to go.  What you are writing about is horse poop.”

“Couldn’t you find anything to like in my entire story?”

“What does it mean to like something?  If you just do what I tell you, people will like what you write.  You don’t need all these stupid metaphors and allusions.  Write simple things.  Acknowledge the hand of God as the creator of everything.”

“People already like what I write.  Not everyone wants to hear religious rants all the time.”

“I’m not saying all the time.  Just enough to be good for people… to be instructive and up-building.”

“I’d rather tell stories just for fun.  I want to write stories that I’d like to read myself.”

“If you do that, then you will be the only one who reads your stories.”

“So you don’t think my story is any good?”

“It’s horse poop.”

“Well, I’m going to write it anyway… the way I want.  If it isn’t any good, then maybe I’m no good.”

“I’m not saying that?  Why do you have to take it that way?”

“Horse poop is a complement?”

“No, but you have to hear constructive criticism and change it.”

“Sixty per cent isn’t constructive.  It’s destructive.”

“Whatever… why did you ask me to read it, anyway?  You never listen to me.”

“You are actually part of me.  Your opinion is supposed to matter. “

2 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Breaks from School

Breaks from School

Once again a little ice is on the roads and we miss a day of school. And on a State testing day! Today was supposed to be one of the very last TAKS tests. High stakes tests in this State were intended from the beginning to make us fail and prove that public schools are unworkable. The powers that be want to take public education money away to use for private schools and for-profit schemes. They think of education as a commodity meant only for those who can afford it. The stone-age thinking among rich Texans has iced us over. So, I sit at home impotent and waiting to hear how we will proceed. We have to get educating again or the dinosaurs are going to eat us.

1 Comment

March 3, 2014 · 11:03 pm

Rooster Riding

Rooster Riding

In the early 90’s I created a comic strip called Hidden Kingdom. It was about three inch fairies, pixies, and creatures that live among us and have their own kingdoms and empires hidden in our world. They, of course, were of a size that allowed them to use creatures like chickens as riding beasts. That is the source of the idea behind this Paffooney. The fairy princess and her bug-boy servant are taking a ride.

5 Comments

March 2, 2014 · 11:01 pm

Thanks for the Memories, Mr. Disney

This post is going to sound an awful lot like stuff and nonsense, because that is what it primarily is, but it had to be said anyway.    Last night my family took me to see the movie Saving Mr. Banks, a deeply moving biographical story of P.L. Travers, the creator of Mary Poppins, and how she had to be convinced to surrender her beloved character to the movie industry which she so thoroughly detested and distrusted.  It is also about one of my most important literary heroes, Walt Disney, and how he eventually convinced the very eccentric and complicated authoress to allow him to make her beloved character into a memorable movie icon.

“We create our stories to rewrite our own past,” says Disney, trying to tell Mrs. Travers how he understood the way that her Mary Poppins character completed and powerfully regenerated the tragedy of her own father’s dissolution and death.  This is the singular wisdom of Disney.  He took works of literature that I loved and changed them, making them musical, making them happy, and making them into the cartoonish versions of themselves that so many of us have come to cherish from our childhoods.  He transforms history, and he transforms memory, and by doing so, he transforms truth.

Okay, and as silly as those insights are, here’s a sillier one.  In H.P. Lovecraft’s dreamlands, on the shores of the Cerenarian Sea, north of the Mountains of Madness, there roam three clowns.  They are known as the Boz, the Diz, and the Bard, nicknames for Charles Dickens, Walt Disney, and William Shakespeare.  These three clowns, like the three fates of myth, measure and cut the strings of who we are, where we are going, and how we will get there.  They come to Midgard, the Middle Earth to help us know wisdom and folly, the wisdom of fools.

Why have I told you these silly, silly things?  Do I expect you to believe them?  Do I even expect you to read all the way to paragraph four?  Ah, sadly, no…  but I am thinking and recording these thoughts because I believe they are important somehow.  I may yet use them as the basis of a book of my own.  I enjoy a good story because it helps me to do precisely as Mr. Disney has said, I can rewrite my own goofy, silly, pointless past.

 Image

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Snowboy

Image

 

Yesterday I may not have fully explained about the Bond villain-esque villain that I have deployed into the dark waters of my manuscript novel The Bicycle-Wheel Genius.  Snowboy is not fully human, but he is trying.  He was a robot built by a joint American-Alien project in Area 51.  He was created as a living weapon and deployed against the brother-in-law of the Bicycle-Wheel Genius himself.

During the course of the story his robot brain is turned off by sudden electro-magnetic trauma, and the scientist is able to piece him back together in the form of a boy.  But he’s not a normal boy in any way.  His nuclear core malfunctioned and caused his cooling units to ice him over, making him a living Snowboy.

What makes him the villain is his determination to torment and destroy those people who gave him his resurrected life.  He has emotions for the first time in his life, and he totally misuses them.  His internal struggle with the truths of life translates into destructive treatment of others.

Okay, I know it doesn’t all make sense.  I’m still working on it.  But it gives me an excuse to show you another picture of him, this time with a less washed out photo of the drawing.

2 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Writing Good Villains

Right now in my writing I am in need of a sinister villain.  The story I am writing, The Bicycle-Wheel Genius, is the story of a super genius who has lost all the people he loves in a terrible fire caused by a lab accident.  The themes of the book include that human beings are inherently good.  Another theme is that those good human beings need other human beings, friends, family, acquaintances, experts, clowns, entertainers and those people who will ultimately help a person define himself and become the person he or she is meant to be.  The science fiction in the story includes instances of time travel, electro-magnetics, genetic manipulations of age and even species, alien encounters, and robots who are nearly human.

So how do I make a good villain to support stuff like that?  Villains are by definition not good.  They pervert the basic nature of human beings to serve their own selfish ends.  Goldfinger uses his financial and technical genius to defeat James Bond and enrich himself with Fort Knox’s gold.  Of course, he’s a bad guy, so the good guy, Bond, defeats him.    Moriarty is a dastardly villain who tries to outthink and outwit Sherlock Holmes for the selfish satisfaction of beating Sherlock, possibly to prove himself the most intelligent force in the universe.  Of course, he’s also a bad guy, and when both he and Sherlock plunge over the waterfall, only Sherlock survives to be victorious.

Image

My villain has to be so caught up with self benefit, that he must be willing to pervert goodness and cause others to suffer and die.  What better villain, then, to use other than the government assassin robot that the genius rebuilds into a pseudo-replica of his own son?  And because of his robotic, soulless nature, violent government assassin programming, and human elements introduced by his re-animator, he becomes a philosophical and existential mess.  The assassin Crackerbutton is transformed into a boy-robot whose cooling unit overcompensates for loss of mass and turns him into the Snowboy.  Okay, I know I should explain why he’s evil and how things work out, but forgive me if I save that for my book.  In a selfish and perverted way, I am seeking to entice you into buying that book and reading that book to see if the Mickey-villain stands any chance at all of being what I am claiming it to be.

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

The Reasons I Put it in my Pocket Revisited (originally posted January 9, 2013)

Image

I wrote Catch a Falling Star. Believe it or not, my comedy science fiction novel is about real people.  Oh, I changed a few things to make them harder to recognize.  I changed their names, and who they are related to, and what religion they really were, and I even made some of them green.  But honestly, they are either characters I grew up with back in my little home town in Iowa, or people I have known in my career as a public school teacher.  A few of the brighter ones are combinations of both.

I first created the story idea, back in about 1977, around a pair of frumpy farmer types who desperately wanted a child of their own and couldn’t have one.  They are natural-born parents from medium-large Iowa families, and in real life theydo have kids of their own.  I just imagined what they would be like if they never had a child of their own.  And then, I gave them one, but not a normal one.  It had to be an alien born in orbit around Barnard’s Star and accidentally left on Earth during a blurped-up attempt by the aliens to conquer the Earth.  They were incompetent aliens who had been adversely affected by watching too much Earther television.

I have always been a story-teller.  Anybody from the town of Rowan, Iowa who remembers me will attest to that fact, probably with certain air-curdling metaphors of the obscene variety attached to the recollection.  I renamed the town Norwall so nobody would recognize it (all the same letters, but all stirred up, and with two L’s added for Love and Laughter).   Rowan… I mean, Norwall is a small town of about 250 people counting the squirrels (and you have to count the squirrels because they are some of the funniest people in town).  It’s a small rural farm town with lots of green growing things, corn, cornball people, and plenty of pretty powerful pig poo.  It’s the kind of place that’s so sleepy and quiet that you either have to develop a powerful imagination or go mildly insane.

So, those are the terrifying and traumatizing reasons why I just had to inflict my novel upon the world.  I hope people will find it funny and laugh a little, rather than dropping the book at their feet and then running away screaming.

 

 

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

To Dance in Heaven

To Dance in Heaven

Sometimes I think of a Paffooney as a cartoon poem. Such is this one. I drew it a long time ago when I went through a quasi-religious phase and imagined myself turning inward as the Asian religions do.

1 Comment

February 22, 2014 · 9:07 pm

Sleeping Beauty (a silly poem of love and illusion)

Image

 

Sleeping Beauty

 

In the dark and in the light

In candle flame and purple night

The beauty sleeps and fails to heed

The young man’s life of lust and need

What happens next is often sad

The want, the hope, the love so bad

And fluttering faery wings of light

Carry life and love and fuel the sight

With never a thought to what could be

If only love would call to thee

And wake the sleeper from her dream

To make the two but one to seem.

 

Love poetry is basically nonsense.  Fueled by hormones and lust, dreams and assumptions, it is never real.  It is only a vision, an apparition, and fools you into believing what could never be real.  So why write it?  Because it is in our nature, in our stars, to love.  Just because something is foolish, or impossible to pin down, there is no reason to give up on it.  That’s what the Paffooney faeries are for.  They cast faery light on what you should never believe, but always, always do. 

2 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Paffoonies By The Numbers

Image

 

So, here is one secret recipe for baking a Paffooney with some humor in the process.

Step 1 : First you have to get a stupid idea and draw a witless drawing of it on a nice fresh piece of paper.  Here the Princess is holding step one, a portrait of what I believe Valerie Clarke, the main character of Snow Babies might look like.  She is supposed to be the most beautiful little girl who ever lived in Norwall, a small Iowa farm town.  

Step 2 : Then you must get a good digital picture of it.  Here I used the Princess as a makeshift picture stand and took the picture in sunlight muted by clouds.

Step 3 : I must then remove all clutter and background from the image using the big old eraser thingy on the Microsoft computer paint program.  sometimes I need to erase pixel by pixel until I am thoroughly pixelated.

Image

 

Step 4 : This gets me ready to use my handy-dandy cheap-o photo program (I always wanted to use both handy-dandy and cheap-o photo in the same sentence!  Item 128 on my bucket list.)  I can layer the image over any of a number of stolen and parolin’ background photos.

Image

Image

Image

And so, I thus become a pretend world-renowned unknown clown artist with a penchant for multiple uses of internal rhymes as well as multiple uses of the same boring, wretched sketches.

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized