Canto 10 – Planetfall
Once back at the docking port on Frieda, Ged noticed that the new space ship Goofy had asked Frieda to make was gone. His concern spiked like an EKG from a surviving victim of electrocution.
“Calm down, Ged,” soothed Ham. “Goofy is unpredictable, but he hasn’t gotten me killed yet.”
“You know what he’s doing, don’t you?”
“What?”
“He’s going after those artifacts the alien computer was talking about.”
“So?”
“Ham! Ancient devices with unfathomable powers? In the hands of a pyromaniac and lunatic? Don’t you see what comes next?”
“Well,” said Ham, looking down at his spaceship controls, “I do kinda see a disaster looming, if that’s what you mean.”
“Exactly what I mean!”
“Oi believes ye need to track yer shipmate down, what?” offered Sinbadh.
In minutes the Leaping Shadowcat was docked and the three teammates were aboard Frieda. In the main control room, they found the Nebulon Princess in a red jumpsuit, her small son sitting on the floor at her feet. She smiled beautifully at Ham as the two brothers entered the room.
“I… am… free…” she announced in halting, yet clear Galactic English.
“Ah… Good,” said Ged. “Goofy at least started the task I set him.”
“I… am… love…” added the Princess cryptically, moving directly toward Ham.
“Err… What?” stammered Ham.
“Oi thinks ye have an admirer, me bucko!” said Sinbadh helpfully.
The Princess reached up to touch one of Ham’s blond curls. “Nebulonin?” she cooed.
“Wha…? No. Human! Definitely Earther. I just have yellow hair.” Ham pinched the skin on the back of his right hand. “See, no blue!”
“Yes, blue…” she said smiling.
“Oh, what does that mean?” Ham blushed furiously.
“Your Nebulon slave girl has been set free by Trav,” supplied Frieda. “She means she is grateful. Your on-board library suggests she suffers from something called Stockholm Syndrome. She believes she is in love with you because you were her captors, but have been nice to her. She was apparently violated numerous times by those who held her hostage in the Imperium.”
“Erm, thank you, Frieda.” Ham said.
“Frieda,” said Ged, as if he had at that moment realized something, “Where did Trav Dalgoda go?”
“I supplied him with coordinates to find the Hammer on the surface of the planet. He went down there to find it.”
“I knew it!” swore Ged. “We have to beat him to the thing! Come on, guys! We go now!”
“Can we leave the Princess here?” asked Ham nervously as the Nebulon girl looked at him lovingly.
“Sinbadh? Can we trust that your corsair friends won’t come back?”
“Nah. Them buccaneers is moighty unpredictable like.”
“Everybody goes aboard the Shadowcat, then,” said Ged.
“Dang!” swore Ham as the Nebulon Princess took one hand, and her little boy took hold of the other.
Catch a Falling Star 
Uber New Year
Who knew that being an Uber driver required the skills of a swashbuckling hero?
But that is exactly what it is. I am approaching the end of my first $100 dollar week. And I have already been on a harrowing ride through the world of ride-sharing for money.
The key to successfully picking up and ferrying passengers to the site of their choosing is a matter of being personable and at ease with driving and talking. Of course, I have talking skills. My whole 31 year career was a matter of learning to effectively talk to kids all day long. And you may not believe this, but adults, people who actually have money and the freedom to choose their own path, are easier to talk to than kids. I have learned about people’s families, people’s jobs, opinions of their bosses, opinions of the government and taxes, and even some tell me about their love lives, both directly, and second hand. If there are two in the car, then they forget that the driver has ears and can hear (within the limitations of really old ears).
One recent passenger was absolutely convinced that no Uber driver actually knows how to drive. That passenger sat in the back seat and sent a barrage of traffic warnings and worries forward for me to deal with at the same time I was watching the road ahead. It was almost exactly as harrowing as driving with my wife as a passenger. I felt like a child again, driving for the meanest teacher I ever had growing up. (Sorry, Ms. Rubelmacher, I learned a lot from you. Don’t give me detention for writing that.)
But why did I say “Swashbuckling hero” if I am only going to talk about talking to passengers? And why all the Batman gifs?
Well, I am talking about driving in the Dallas Fort Worth Metroplex, ain’t I? Do you know what Texas drivers are like? On Saturday I picked up a coach headed for a retirement party at a Luby’s on the border of DeSoto (a southwest Dallas suburb. That was a twenty-two dollar trip from east-central Dallas catty-cornered all the way across the city in a diagonal direction on the tollway and then I-35 South. I had three cars cut me off for driving too slow (by which I mean the speed limit. Hey, Uber monitors that through their app.) The Uber Navigator told me to keep right at a time when keeping right nearly threw me off 35 onto an intersecting highway, so I had to make a quick two-wheeled Starsky and Hutch turn through the corner of the median to stay on course. (Fortunately, Uber can’t monitor that.) Dallas drivers are a combination of speedy predators in WASP rockets, Texas killer grandmas in Cadillacs, and Elmer Fudds going too slow in classic cars from the 50’s. They provide you with a booby-trapped obstacle course to drive through, and go so fast that the speed limit becomes dangerously too slow.
So I definitely appreciate Batman for providing me with all the animated illustrations to use for portraying the high-risk life of an Uber driver. It makes driving this way easier to pretend that I am one half of the dynamic duo driving the Batmobile in Dallas downtown traffic. Yes, it’s true, I am saying I pretend to be Batman.
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Filed under angry rant, commentary, feeling sorry for myself, heroes, humor, irony, self pity, strange and wonderful ideas about life
Tagged as Batman, Uber driving