Category Archives: drawing

Granny Quest 2016; Not the Conclusion, but Close

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Here is the result of my colored-pencil push for Granny Quest 2016.  This is not the final picture of Grandma Gretel Stein that I will need to do in the course of this novel project.  But it is the first real accomplishment in defining what she actually looks like.  Work continues on the novel, but today is a busy day.  My wife is returning from a month in the Philippines today.  My son is taking driver’s education as I write this.  My daughter is busy trying to clean the messy house that I have characterized as Muck Man’s Swamp in previous humorous posts with a superhero theme and an unfortunately too-accurate-to-be-weathered-without-shame sort of basis in fact.  The Princess is determined to reach a point where she can invite friends over this summer without having to claim she was kidnapped and raised by a tribe of baboons.  So, as always, the potential for utter disaster looms large, and I anticipate having something to write about where I can turn disaster into laughter.  It’s what I do.  It is my real super power.  (Although the stunning of villains with pungent odors thing is also pretty effective and pretty nearly reality.)

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Filed under artwork, drawing, fairies, humor, illustrations, NOVEL WRITING, Paffooney

Monster Mansion

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In the quiet but creepy back-street, dark-alley parts of Fantastica there is a creepy house known as Monster Mansion.  Yes, it is a cartoon house in a cartoon fantasy land.  But it is creepy.  Well, maybe creepy in a funny, cartoonish sort of way.  Okay… so it isn’t really creepy.  But Dr. Pinkenstein (pictured above with his monster Elroy) does live there, so it has to at least qualify as weird.

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In the sub-basement (where there are no submarines… that we know of) there is an underground river.  That is where the resident gill-man lives.  Known as Swampie, he takes care of the rats, the cockroaches, and the fish… mostly by eating them.  In the portrait above, he is being visited by Lonny the Wolf-boy and the Monster Mansion resident vampire, Count Stinkula.  Both of them are often asked by the Mansion’s residents to spend time in the sub-basement, Lonny because he howls too much, and the Count because he smells really, really rotten.

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If you ever make the mistake of visiting Monster Mansion (and that would be a really, really big mistake), you will be greeted at the door by Monster Mansion’s butler, Doofy the Pumpkinhead.  He is a very nice and welcoming scarecrow sort of dude, but he’s a little hard to hold a conversation with.  If the candle in his head goes out, there is nothing going on in the gourd at all.  In the picture above, Doofy is pictured with the Phantom.  Mr. P is in charge of mood music in Monster Mansion.  He plays the pipe organ, but it has been relegated to the basement because the clinker notes have a tendency to break the windows upstairs.

So, that’s everything you didn’t want to know about Monster Mansion.  Sorry I had to break it to you this way.  But cartoonists can be like that.  Not creepy, really… more like a little bit weird.

 

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Filed under artwork, cartoons, drawing, foolishness, humor, monsters, Paffooney

A Bad Day for a Pessimist

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A breakfast-table doodle done while waiting for kids to get ready for school.

The advantage in life for a pessimist is that you always prepare for the worst, and when the worst happens, you are ready to deal with it.  The only time you are taken by surprise, is when something good happens.

So, I was expecting the San Jose Sharks to beat the St. Louis Blues in their championship series.  And last night, the Sharks took them down 4 goals to none.

I owe Bank of America money, something that doesn’t go well with being retired and in poor health, and out of money.  I am putting my finances in order and preparing to have to pay them.  But I got a letter from a collection agency that has taken on collecting the debt.

So, bad things happen in tandem with other bad things.  And sometimes being prepared is just not enough.

As a science fiction writer working with apocalyptic themes, I have been researching the problems that could be the end of humanity, if not life on Earth.  As the video explains, the way we have used the Earth’s resources, wrecked Earth’s environment, and overpopulated the Earth to unsustainable levels have already left us at a point of no return.  We are doomed by our own hands.

So… sometimes being a pessimist is a real bummer.

But terrible things happening doesn’t leave us without resources.  Human beings are adaptable and resilient.  We may not all live happily ever after, but we are capable of preserving the species through chaos and catastrophe.  And if we don’t, it isn’t like we have lived in vain.

In fact, I have already taken steps to deal with the pirates of Bank of America.  And the Blues are playing a best-of-seven series which is now tied at one game apiece.   Doom looms.  But I am not worried.  I have already accepted that the very worst will probably happen.  Odds are I will be pleasantly surprised more than once.

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Filed under autobiography, doodle, drawing, feeling sorry for myself, humor, Paffooney, pessimism, Uncategorized

Talislanta

In the 1980’s when I was a Dungeons and Dragons nut, I found a role-playing game that was sort of unique.  It was called Talislanta.  Created by Stephan Michael Sechi, it was a game like D&D, but totally without elves and dwarves and orcs and even humans.  It was set on the world of Talislanta with many weird and wonderful races that didn’t exist anywhere else in literature.  I used it to play RPG games with South Texas kids, and the Baptists preached against the demons and devils in D & D.  The only way I could get away with D & D games was by playing Talislanta, where the Baptists couldn’t preach against me because they didn’t know what the heck it was.  So, I created stories and art from Talislanta, inspired by the work of the game’s lead artist, P. D. Breeding Black.

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Kastur, hero and adventurer

Hal Vas was a Jaka wilderness scout, while Xeribeth was a Zandir Sorceress who specialized in spells of flight and levitation.

Orrin, the headless snow wizard, and Teveron, the Tanasian pyromancer were both bad guys who tried to defeat the heroes at every turn.

Magnolia and Willowleaf were both Muses, the butterfly-winged people who used magic mostly for the purposes of entertaining others.  They were attended by the tiny butterfly-winged people called Wisps.

Talislantans were many different colorful races.  There were green ones like the Cymrillians, the Tanasians, and the Oceanians.  There were blue ones like the Mirin.

Sunnyjias was a Cymrillian enchantress while Zoran-Viktor was a Mirin alchemist.

Spooky was a Man-ra Shapechanger who could alter his body shape drastically.  Harun was a Phantasian astromancer who could fly using sailing ships powered by anti-gravity wind crystals.

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And Tazian Thralls were warriors who had elaborate colorful tattoos over every inch of their bodies.

It was a fun world to play in.  Magic and mystery and wacky wizards abounded.  And it wasn’t all about throwing fireballs and whacking stuff with swords… although there was a lot of that too.

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Filed under drawing, Dungeons and Dragons, fairies, Paffooney

When I Was Twelve

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There comes a time when a mind turns inward and begins to learn that self is as complicated and in need of exploration as any African jungle or surface of a distant planet.

The Paffoonies today all come from my sixth grade school notebook.  When that school year ended I owned one book of my own, Rudyard Kipling’s First Jungle Book, the paperback version.  I kept my colored pencil drawings in my school notebook, and I kept the notebook in my bedroom to continue to fill it with drawings on notebook paper.

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As you can see, the notebook is age-worn and falling apart, but I still have it.  It still contains my twelve-year-old artistic visions, the beginnings of who I am as a thinking, drawing, story-telling human being.

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At one point I even had a package of pink notebook paper.

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So I admit it.  I was a dorky, weird child.  And I drew a lot of weird pictures at twelve.  Now you have some of the evidence.

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Filed under artwork, autobiography, colored pencil, drawing, dreaming, Uncategorized

Stupid People

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It is generally considered an insult to call someone “stupid”.

Okay, I get that.  I am not without feelings on the subject.   Stupid people have feelings just like I do.  But if I have to live with “nerd”, “geekazoid”, “brainiac”, and “four-eyes”, I am thinking they don’t have to be more sensitive than I am.

Truthfully, life as a mentally gifted person of no color is a bit of trial even if people don’t generally understand that.    I have an I.Q. in the range of 155, (calculated from my ACT and SAT scores using standard statistical analysis, give or take 5% for margin of error due to the nature of the calculation… am I scaring you yet?)  I had trouble fitting in with my peers as a child.  I related better to older people rather than my appropriate age group, and until my best friend, a preacher’s kid, moved to town when I was nine, I really had no friends and was routinely picked on and preyed upon by other kids.  It was so bad that I was making C’s and D’s in school primarily because I didn’t want to be identified as smart.  Once the eye doctor hung black horn-rimmed glasses on my face, my fate as a socially doomed uber-nerd was sealed.  And my friend Mark, who would grow up to become an actuary with mathematical gifts, moved away when I was a freshman in high school.  I had to help stupid people with homework and class work… I was required to endure threats, bribes, and tearful pleas to help athletes cheat on tests.  Bullies made me tie their shoes and endure endless jokes about the size of my private parts.  Life was terrible until I decided to go out for high school football.  I was small and thin and probably doomed as I made the team, but I had a secret weapon.  I understood almost instinctually that angles, trajectories, and leverage can make the difference over sheer muscle power.  During one football drill where we had to pick up and carry our partner for five yards, I was matched with the big offensive tight end, George Merlock, who outweighed me by almost a hundred pounds and was literally Incredible Hulk-like in football pads.  I simply used my shoulder on the proper spot under his armpit and lifted with my legs.  I picked him up and carried him for twenty yards when some of the other players who were bigger and stronger than me couldn’t even lift him.  After that moment, I was never bullied again.  For one thing, I impressed George so much that he would’ve killed them for even looking at me cross-eyed.  Life got better.  A cheerleader asked me out on a date (though I said no because I thought they were still making fun of me… which I later learned I was mistaken about and I had accidentally hurt her feelings).

So what does that whole long-winded whiffle-story of my misspent youth have to do with stupid people?  Well, I am one.  (Doesn’t the cheerleader thing prove that?)  Smart people can be stupid more often than your average ordinary Joe.   A character like Sheldon Cooper on Big Bang Theory is funny because his intelligence and his social abilities are so wildly mismatched that he often makes totally stupid geekazoid mistakes.

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But there are also stupid people who are actually not smart.  Writing humor has taught me to draw upon the experiences of people I have known who were less than knowledgeable.  People with lower than normal I.Q.’s.  Life has taught me to value and even love people like that.  In my novel Snow Babies, at least one of the clown characters is a stupid person.   Harker Dawes is an inept businessman in the process of destroying a successful business that he bought from one of the town’s most beloved and respected elders.  He immobilizes himself with super glue.   He gets nailed to a poster board with a nail gun.  Accidents and near-fatal pratfalls are his trademark.  And yet, he is a sympathetic and loveable character.  He is generous to a fault.  He has a simple, good heart.  Practically everything he does is a mistake, and yet, people grow fond of him and help him out because they appreciate his innate goodness and value as a person.

So, I really think calling someone stupid can be a sort of compliment.  Forrest Gump calls himself stupid, but that character from Winston Groom’s novels and the award-winning movie of the same name is really a very wise and lovely man, though he is not smart.  I have to say that I really no longer resent being called stupid, because no matter how smart I actually am, stupid is sort of a compliment.  (But how about climate-change deniers, Texas politicians, and anybody who believes what they say on Fox News, you say?  They are not stupid.  That is willful ignorance.  It may take a whole other post to make that difference clear.)

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Filed under characters, clowns, colored pencil, drawing, NOVEL WRITING, Paffooney

Beast Men

I recently broke out my old Talislanta Dungeons and Dragons book.  It contains drawings from the late 80’s and early 90’s in which the never-ending adventure went to the world of Talislanta where there are no elves or dwarves or goblins.  The primary enemy were the beast men.  They inhabited the great plains in the middle of the world.  They were ravenous, and mostly evil… but a few were adopted as heroes and heroes’ companions.  Here’s a look at the good guys and bad guys I found in the Plains of the Beastmen of Golarin.

Beast Man Blood Brothers Dar Wolverin Hal Vas Pahluks

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Goofy Me

The more I looked at the silly simpering grin on my old foolish face, the more I realized it needed a few things added.  So I added a few of my dream babies.  You know, those characters I have created in cartoons and novels who may have started with my own three kids, or kids I grew up with, or kids I taught over the years, but ended up with a large injection of my own mental DNA in their final, fictional selves.  So here is a self portrait that I privately refer to by the title “Goofy Me”.

Self Portraixxxt  Man, is that ever goofy!

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Happy Doodle… Now in Color!

Happy DoodleHere is what it looks like in color.  I fussed it up with markers because I like the bright colors.  It helps it say “happy”.

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Filed under doodle, drawing, goofiness, marker, Paffooney, pen and ink

Can You Draw Happy?

I have had to report racing heartbeats every night since I’ve been wearing the monitor.  It has been recording things that I have missed.  But do I really have to worry?  No.  The doctor hasn’t called to say go to the emergency room.  I am now waking up every day with more confidence.  Yay!  I am still not dead!  Every day is a blessing.  And there is treatment to help non-lethal tachycardia.  I have reason to believe I won’t be dead tomorrow too.  So I will keep on writing and living and living to write, and to honor that resolution I will share the happy-doodle Paffooney that I doodled this morning after waking up not-dead.

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