Evil Lizard Politics

tedcruzThere are conspiracy theorists out there, like one David Icke, who will tell you the Queen of England, Hillary Clinton, and President Obama are really reptilian aliens who can shape-shift and take the form of our world leaders.  According to these “experts”, the world is secretly ruled by alien lizard-people.  Of course, these experts are filled with the most aromatic sort of logical fallacies and anti-reasonable total Texas horse-poop that it is possible to be filled with and still be a functional human bean… er, being.

Their intelligence is gathered mostly by marijuana-fueled revelations that they obtain with the same sort of spiritual clarity that led to the foundation of the Heaven’s Gate Cult, but typically result in hefty speaking fees for David Icke and friends, because they never quite drink their own Koolaid.  That doesn’t rule out lizards from controlling our politics, however.  How else do you explain Ted Cruz for President and the majority of the Republican Party?

Here is the really bad news;  If you look carefully into what politicians are doing in the world today, particularly Republican politicians in the U.S. (although they are by no means alone in this) you discover that secret agendas, alien or otherwise, are enslaving and even killing us.  Let me give you some good ol’ Texas ferinstances to choke on.

!.  Evil politicians named Rick are making sure the middle class and the poor get so screwed that all the nuts and bolts in our society are stressed to the point of breaking.  Ferinstance… I came across this eye-opening article about what Republican Governor Rick Snyder is doing to Michigan.

A Magical Mystery Tour of American Austerity Politics by Laura Gottesdiener, TomDispatch

Michigan is gutting programs for the people; reducing police forces, closing schools in favor of for-profit charter schools, and lowering environmental protection standards to the point of poisoning entire cities, all in the name of budget-balancing, while at the same time giving millions, if not billions of dollars in tax breaks to the very corporations that are causing pollution and out-sourcing jobs.  The cancer is spreading through lizard-like politicians named Rick.  Rick Scott of Florida has campaigned vigorously against the Affordable Care Act, claiming it is a looming financial disaster waiting to happen.  Of course it hasn’t happened yet.  Still, financial disaster remains a distinct possibility because Rick Scott is one of several Republican governors that refused Federal funds to set up a working health insurance exchange for those without health insurance, and then also refused to set up an exchange of his own for Florida.  It looks suspiciously like a Governor using his Goobernatorial powers to make the thing fail.  Of course, no governor named Rick can even come close to Rick Perry, former Emperor of Texas.  Perry has done all the same things as Governor Scott and Governor Snyder, but has one-upped them by leaving office with a cloud of indictments over his head for abusing his power to get revenge on employees in the justice department for being Democratic in nature.  And he doesn’t have to worry about his former empire because he left it in the scaly hands of his chosen successor and probable clone, Greg Abbot.  The creature-feature cowboy will now ignore his indictments because he appointed all the judges that could possibly try him, leaving him free to run for president.

2.  There is a big although to the Rick Perry presidency, though.  It is this.  Jeb Bush wants to be the next President of the United States.  And he will be.  There is nothing anyone can do about it.  Why do I believe it is inevitable?  His older brother, Larry the Cable Guy… er, I mean Lonesome George W. was defeated in the 2000 election by Al Gore.  He got to be president anyway.  Why?  Because Florida made the difference.  Jeb was governor of Florida before you had to be named Rick to be truly evil.  Jeb promised Florida to his brother, and when the election was called in favor of Gore, Jeb said, “Whoa now!  Let’s just take a little look-see at those results one more time.”  With the help of black voter roles being reduced wherever and whenever possible, along with suppression of the Hispanic vote, and taking a hammer to voting machines, and counting every hanging chad as unscoreable, and having Republican political operatives doing the recount, and having the Supreme Court’s conservative wing as an ace in the hole, and… well you know, he delivered on his promise.

My Republican friends think I am nuts when I say these things about Republicans.  Why do I take the word of the “liberal media” just because they document things and back them up with verifiable facts?  Republicans are not in it just to enrich their campaign-donor billionaire friends at the expense of everyone else.  Of course not.  But, just in case, I drew a Paffooney for today of what I think Ted Cruz  looks like in his alien lizard-man incarnation.  See what you think.

Senator Tedhkruzh

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Filed under humor, Paffooney, politics

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