Catch a Falling Star

Yesterday I was not able to write a single word for the first time in years. I had a crippling headache, possibly a fever off and on, and I was too miserable to do anything but toss and turn in bed… with three layers of clothes on. I think I had a sinus infection brewing in my forehead, but with prescription antihistamines, hot chocolate, and lots of bottled water, I got by. My head finally drained and having actually slept last night, I feel better this morning. Although, disturbingly, I did not get better until I turned the space heater off, let it cool, and then turned it back on. Could it have been producing carbon monoxide or possibly methane?

And this, of course, is in the middle of the worst week of freezing temperatures in recorded Texas history.

Five straight days of single-digit low temperatures, rolling power blackouts, and pipes bursting everywhere in the community has plagued Texas with problems our lovely conservative government was totally unprepared for. Of course, we had a similar crisis in February 2011. The power grid was unprotected against cold weather then too. You would think they would take that lesson to heart and be prepared for those same problems a decade later.

But in Texas, the business-friendly political climate deregulates the power industry in ways no other State is allowed to do. We have our own sovereign and sacred power grid, and the geniuses in the power industry have realized that weather-proofing costs money and lowers profit margins. And as a bonus, you can charge extra for electricity when the power available is scarce and the demand is a matter of life and death.

We were relatively lucky so far here in the Dallas suburbs. My family did not lose power for more than fifteen minutes total all week long. Others in the area were not so lucky. Some had power out for multiple days. And we do have a fireplace, though we would have to burn furniture for firewood.

We kept water trickling in every faucet the whole time, so no pipes have broken yet, and we should be okay even when the pipes thaw out.

The only devastation we still face is if our electric bill for this month is through the roof. We have to heat this old house with space heaters, none of which are powerful enough to keep the rooms warm without running on high constantly. I heard of people in Dallas looking at $200,000 electric bills (although I am sure that those rumors are based on raw computer output unmodified by human decisions, so ours will probably be higher.)

So, I didn’t have a chance to write anything yesterday. But I did complete a real-life Snow Babies adventure. And I did not see a single snow ghost made of ice.

Dear Readers,

I hope you are keeping warm.

This has not been a warm and happy week for most of us.

Texas has experienced electrical outages that have killed some folks and sent others to the emergency room with hypothermia.

Water pipes have frozen and burst around the Dallas/Fort Worth metroplex, causing damage to homes and water shortages, especially around the Lewisville area (a Northern suburb of Dallas.)

Governor Greg “Evil Overlord” Abbott says it is all the fault of us liberals. He thinks the Green New Deal, wind farms, and solar energy are the root cause of the problem. It can’t be the corrupt practices of energy companies (heavily into fracking for more oil and promoting profits to investors over updating the hardware of the energy grid) that are to blame in any way.

We, at our house, are doing okay, though. A little frostbitten, but fortified with hot chocolate, coffee, and plenty of thick, warm jackets and blankets and things caused by an Iowegian upbringing. We have an advantage of more experience of the cold than shorts-in-winter-wearing average Texans.

We kept the water trickling day and night for two days to keep unprotected pipes from bursting. We placed glue-traps in places we knew rats were using to sneak into the kitchen at night, and we caught two so far that the dog has been unable to get while they are trying to live entirely indoors due to weather. And we were wise enough to wait for the internet outages to be over to create our WordPress posts.

So, we are doing fine in Texas, despite all the challenges.

I hope you are well. I hope you stay well.

Sincerely from the part of North Texas turning itself into Minnesota,

That Rabbit-Man, Mickey

Canto 128 – Vegetable Worries

Ged, worried about the kids, carried Sara to her bunk aboard the Super Rooster.  She was conscious, but still in shock from being stripped naked and nearly beheaded by a big green thistle-guy.

“She’s the healer,” said Junior.  “What do we do if she can’t heal herself?”

“Give her time.  She’ll be back to herself before you know it,” said Naylund-sensei who was, after all, her father.

“We have got to do something to help this planet,” said Ged.  “This is a seriously bad dictatorship.”

“Now, how do you know that, no longer than you have spent exploring this new world?” Naylund asked calmly.

“ThroCKpods are iNvaders!” interjected Luigi the Onion-guy through one of Gyro’s stink-translators.

“See, what I mean?  Fascist weeds have taken over the plant world, and they are ruling through violence and fear.”

“Ged, that’s how you see it from a human point of view.”

“Naylund, I saw rule by bullies at its worst back on Questor when I was a boy.”

“Again, you are looking at it from the side of human beings.”

Ged looked at Carrot Mabutu and Luigi the Onion-guy.

“Gentlemen… er gentlevegetables… can you tell us how your government normally works?”

“Ooh…  We liVe by gARdens plaNt peOple soaKing up suNshine. We giVe all to tHe grAinmaSter, ruLer of all.”

Carrot Mabutu spoke up too.  “NeVer he uSed ThrOCkpods beFore.”

“This Grainmaster is obviously using shock troops to enforce his will upon the people of this planet.  These people should be freed of their tyrant.  Once free, they could become a member of the New Star League.”

Naylund simply shook his head.  Ged was determined to intervene on behalf of the upset little Onion-guy and his walking carrot first mate.

“Look!  Sara is better!” said Junior.

In fact, she was sitting up and smiling at her father and the White Spider.

“Are you healed, daughter?”

“Yes, Daddy.  I am happy to not have sacrificed my living sap to the Throckpods.  But if we’re determined to intervene on this planet, we need a couple of things first.”

“Oh?  What’s that?” Ged asked.

“Well, we definitely need reinforcements now that we know what we are dealing with.  We are at least going to need more White Spider students, if not an army.  And I am sitting here still in my birthday suit.  I would appreciate somebody fetching a kimono from my closet over there in the corner.” Junior swiftly retrieved the requested garment.  Naylund smiled.  And Ged blushed.

And the worst thing about it is… Tresident Prump will probably be acquitted by the spineless and corrupt Senate Republicans.

Of course, Prump is only one member of the Infamous League of Despicable Gentlemen. He didn’t form it. He can’t technically be called their leader. He’s more of a Mr. Hyde-type, the rogue raging monster who destroys even his own side of the battle.

The spiders who wove the web the Despicables live in are the evil arachnids David and Charles Koch. These two Blofeld-like Bond Villains have their roots in the Anti-communist John Birch Society where fear-mongering and racism take a back seat to greed in the car-ride to world domination.

The Tea-Party werewolf depicted above is known to us Texans as @&##%!!! Ted Cruz, the secret identity (or possibly newly-possessed body) of the Zodiac Killer.

Mr. Goddawful Ted Cruz is one of those politicians you can’t get rid of even by driving a silver stake through his heart (mostly because the hero with the stake can’t find what Cruz does not have.) He looked the other way when Prump separated refugees from their children, throwing kids in cages and letting some of them die. Of course, he did assign blame for the policy, pointing a crooked claw at Barak Obama, emphasizing the former President’s middle name as he screeched accusations. Lately he has joined in the effort to hand the presidency back to Prump by overturning the election, objecting to the already certified electors in battleground states where Biden has already won. And with help from a Nazi-saluting friend, helped inspire the insurrection.

And this is Josh “Ted’s friend and Hitler admirer” Hawley, Senator from Missouri. He was the first to sign up for insurrection by announcing he would object to the Electoral College voting results, beating even the werewolf to the idea.

There you have it. My idea of what Despicable People truly means. Ordinarily I do not like insult humor. But when you are secretly ruled by a SPECTRE-like organization called The League of Despicable Gentlemen, you have to find happiness somehow. And Prump won’t know what “Despicable” means anyway.