“What’s this with the made up words thing? You can’t just make up words!”
“Why not? I’m an English teacher. Who better to make up words?”
“But you are making up nonsense words, and using them to make fun of Iowegians! That’s, like, racist or something!”
“Iowegians is a made up word. It is a play on Norway, Ioway, and Norwegian… and because a lot of white people in Iowa are of Scandahoovian descent.”
“See what I mean? Racist! Scandahoovian makes fun of people of Norse descent. That is totally unacceptable!”
“I don’t see it that way. I think we Iowegians should own it. You know, like the way Texas rednecks are proud to be called rednecks. I think that’s far more racist than saying Iowegian or Scandahoovian.”
“Why are we even talking about this? Why couldn’t you have just posted more about your goofy flowers? You have a lot more flower pictures you could use.”
“Yesterday was just a scrapbook sort of entry. I wanted to post a variety of different things to fill space and waste time. My writing goals were already completed for the day yesterday. My novel is at 39,565 words right now.”
“But why did you have to make up gibberish words? Don’t you know enough real words?”
“My Uncle Everett used to use Foobah when he was around the womenfolk so he didn’t say the word he was really thinking and offend Grandma Beyer. That kinda makes it a real word. And you’ve heard me say Futzbatter before. It is a word like Paffooney… something I have used enough that you know what it means without even asking.”
“But what gives you the right to make up words?”
“What gave William Shakespeare the right? Or Lewis Carroll? Remember Jabberwocky?”
“But they were famous writers. They probably earned that right.”
“I’m a writer too. Are you saying I shouldn’t do what great writers do?”
“But your not a great… Republican… yes, I meant to say Republican.”
“I’m not a Republican at all. I’m an independent liberal. I’m a progressive. I believe we need to change things to make the world a better place for all of us. Using new words and changing the language can’t be that bad a thing, can it?”
“We aren’t talking about politics! We’re talking about you making up weird-sounding goofus-doofus words and using them like they actually mean something! You can’t love the language and change it at the same time!”
“Why not? You just did.”
“I did? How?”
“What does goofus-doofus mean?”
“OH! Darn it! Don’t you see what you are doing to me with all your nonsense? You’re making me talk funny too!”
“Speaking of funny talking, do you want to see the new Minions movie with me this afternoon? It is playing at 3:25 at the Webb-Chapel Cinemark 17. There’s a lot of funny talking in that.”
“Dang it! You just posted the time and place you are planning to be. What if that lunatic Winchuk boy decides he wants to use the information to get even with you for his entire seventh-grade year?”
“No chance of that. He can’t read… or tell time. He had me for a teacher.”
At that point the logical left side of my brain doubled up both of his fists and belted the creative right side of my brain in the chin as hard as he could. Of course, that didn’t hurt at all, because both of his fists are metaphorical. What a futzing foobah!
Catch a Falling Star 