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Confessions on the Prairie

Some songs are so beautiful and so true, that I cannot listen without tears in my eyes and burning fire in my heart.

“I did my best, it wasn’t much

I couldn‘t feel, so I tried to touch

I’ve told the truth, I didn’t come to fool you

And even though it all went wrong

I’ll stand before the lord of song

With nothing on my tongue but hallelujah”

lyrics from “Hallelujah” by Leonard Cohen

You see, I believe in God… but my God is a bit bigger than most people’s God.  In fact, most of the people who come closest to what I believe are atheists.  My God is all of existence, the good and the bad both.  He is above my understanding, but it is my place to constantly try to reach for Him and know Him and, sometimes, even be Him.  Things that are impossible to accomplish, and yet we all do it on a daily basis.

My God does not punish sin.  My God does not reward faith.  My God does not ask anything of me beyond being.  But since I exist, and since I believe that love and beauty are good things, if I want the universe around me to manifest love and beauty, then I must make it so.  I must live as a loving person and a singer of beautiful songs… even if I can only sing silently in words on a page.

However did someone as dopey as me come up with something as dopey as this?  Let me tell you a story.

When I was ten, an older boy, a neighbor, trapped me, de-pants me, and abused me.  It was not love in any way.  It was sexualized torture.  He made me feel pain.  He took away my sense of well-being.  He made me afraid to touch or be touched by others.  He made me believe my own physical urges were a terrible thing that God would punish me for.  I wet my pants in school more than once, because I feared the boys’ bathroom at school.  I no longer tried so hard to make the other kids laugh.  I sank into depression.  And ultimately, I thought about ending myself in painful ways, ways I felt I deserved.

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Reverend Aiken is the one in the cowboy hat.  His son, Mark, was my childhood best friend.

But I was blessed.  My best friend’s father was the minister of the Methodist Church and, eventually, both churches in our little town.  And in the late 60’s, the Methodists decided to be very progressive on matters of human sexuality.  When I was twelve, he taught all the kids in my age group about sex using a blackboard and a willingness to frankly discuss anything we needed to know.  Of course, he never quite figured out what my terrible secret was, in fact, I couldn’t have told him about it if I wanted to, the memory was repressed and I couldn’t call it up until that day in college when it all came back to me at age 22.  But he knew it was there.  He is the one that taught me that faith in God is about love.  It is not about punishment, especially not punishment for biological urges and physical needs.  People need love, and should never be castigated or humiliated because they seek it.  And he told me that I was not to blame for the acts of others.  The notion of original sin, that we are all born despicable because Adam goofed, is nonsense.  All people, even the bad ones, are God’s children and worthy of love.  People can be redeemed from anything.  And it is the job of worthy people to be the love that informs the universe.  We must do good deeds and love, honor, and, most of all, render aid to others.  Because that fills the universe with goodness and light.

Both the good Reverend Aiken and my abuser are dead now.  I deeply love one, and I forgive the other.  And it’s because that’s what God is… love and forgiveness.  It has to be so.

Did you listen to that song from YouTube?  If you made it this far through this rather difficult ramble without listening to it, I recommend you click on it and give it a try.  It is about King David sinning with Bathsheba, and repenting his sin before God.  And in the end, there was no punishment for him.  So, I, too stand before the lord of song with nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah.

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Sunrise in Dallas

My photo

My drawing

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The Bared Truth

Maddie likes to be naked in her tree house.

So, the bare truth here is easy to see.

For one thing, it shows I can draw with a pen

And Maddie needs to be naked to feel free.

You see. a nudist is someone who spends a lifetime

Working at showing literally everything about them to thee.

And the barest of essentials in their story they reveal

Making the bare truth so easy to see.

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The Cowgirl Portrait

Using digital art tools, photo editors, and AI art programs that modify your actual drawing gives you the chance to turn one art project into many end results.

The original doodle was sketched out as a circle and bisecting line skeleton with skin, color, clothes and hat sketched in on top of it.

That was run through AI Mirror eight times to come up with this version, which is made significantly less ghoulish from the interference of arthritis in my fingers.

A little more Drawing Pad and four more AI Mirror applications produced a nudist version.

A background from Picsart AI Photo Editor finishes the nudist version.

The same process lets our cowgirl visit the Redwood Forest.

And she can also become a space cowgirl to step into a future Sci-Fi story,

Digital art programs and AI editing programs really help me overcome the damage the arthritis in my hands has done to my drawing ability.

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Lovely

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October 7, 2024 · 1:16 am

Learning with the Scientific Method

Sir Francis Bacon, philosopher, scientist, Attorney General, and Lord Chancellor of England for James the First

Where does science come from? The best answer I can give is the funny-looking, pasty-faced English dude pictured above. Frankie not only emphasized the scientific method, but he personally started the scientific blossoming of Elizabethan times, and he may have recruited whoever the heck became the greatest writer who ever lived, William Shakespeare. He believed in verifying what you know to be true by experiment, verifying the veracity of each fact by repeating the experiment, peer reviewing the results again and again, and working out results with verifiable mathematical descriptions.

Sir Isaac Newton, a natural philosopher that formulated the principles of Mechanics in his book, Philosophiæ Naturalis Principia Mathematica (Mathematical Principles of Natural Philosophy) thus setting off the greater conflagration of intellectual fire that became the Scientific Revolution.

Sir Izzy was a scientific genius who made his mark not only as a scientist but also as a mathematician, physicist, astronomer, alchemist, theologian, and author who was described in his time as a natural philosopher (meaning he studied nature and physics in the physical universe through observation and experiment.) You probably think of him as the guy sitting under the apple tree when an apple bonked his noggin, making him suddenly shout, “Aha!!! Gravity!!!” Which makes you look simple. That, of course, means, “stupid” to overthinking brainiacs like me who routinely think so hard about things that brain stew in our stupid heads begins to boil and make smoke come out of our ears whenever we think about Sir Izzy. So, stop laughing at me and realize… it is more complicated than that.

Sir Izzy used the Scientific Method by collecting a bunch of facts that were observed in experiments or proven by applying mathematical interpretations to measured data. He came up with some re-observable and re-provable data for which he would need a unifying theory.

Sir Izzy obviously was aware, as was anybody who ever dropped an apple, that apples fall down. He didn’t actually get bonked to conclude that. But he did relate that fact to the question about why the Moon did not fall to the ground on Earth in a similar (though disastrous) fashion. He assumed that it would fall down similarly to the apple if it were not also moving forward across the sky. In fact, the Moon was falling to the Earth. Though not fast enough to actually fall all the way to Earth because it was moving around the curvature of the Earth as it fell. In other words, it fell into a stable orbit. Sir Izzy could prove this through careful measurements and mathematical formulas. (He had previously invented calculus, though he shared credit with the German mathematician Liebnitz for the creation of calculus even though he had invented it many months earlier than Liebnitz. To be fair, Liebnitz had also developed it independently almost simultaneously and with no knowledge of Newton’s invention.)

Newton could now draw a line around all these facts and unify them under the set name of The Theory of Gravity.

Now a theory can be disproven, and scientists work together regularly to disprove all theories. The Theory of Gravity has never yet been disproven, and will probably not be disproven unless some really drastic changes happen to the universe.

But even with a proven theory, numerous anomalies can occur causing a need for larger, more inclusive theories to be created. A star like the fact that Black Holes Exist does not fit in the circle I have drawn to represent the Theory of Gravity in the illustration above. That little yellow star would have to go outside the circle in the above representation. A new bigger circle needs to be drawn.

Albert Einstein, a Nobel Prize Winner, created The Theory of Special Relativity.

Our mischief-making friend above used the Scientific Method to create a bigger circle to include many new stars that the Science of Physics provided. He devised an astronomical experiment to prove that the gravity of a large enough material body can warp the path that light takes. He chose a distant star that could be measured against the Sun in that it was observed to be very close to being obscured behind the Sun when the telescope photographed it in January. If the Sun’s mass could not bend the path of the star’s light, the star would be behind the Sun when they attempted to photograph it on the other side, six months later in July. But our boy Albie calculated that the Sun would bend the starlight with its massive gravity and they would be able to photograph it on the other side. The photograph of the visible star was proof that Einstein’s new theory was correct. And the experiment was redone more than once since proof of a theory has to be repeatable. The Theory of Special Relativity also leads to conclusions through observation and math about how traveling at the speed of light expands time, how black holes can be created by dying stars, and the speed of light is a constant throughout the universe.

The Scientific Method is a thinking tool that has helped mankind to do all kinds of wonderful and magical things. Unfortunately, it has also made Elon Musk rich and Mark Zuckerberg appear almost human. But it is a key to learning and something that schools need to teach everyone.

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Rainy Saturday Blues (a poem about depression )

Blue Dawn

I must make a confession about crippling depression,

Cause today I have the blues.

It requires a concession of time for regression,

And dark days enveloping all views.

There is no progression in a working profession,

Cause clouds leave me missing all news.

I start the procession of blue notes in session,

And all melodies tend to be blues.

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Fantasia

Mickey

I learned a lot of what I know about cartooning by copying Disney characters.  Now, I know that this post could potentially get me into trouble, because  I am posting on a blog I use for marketing, an imitation Disney character, a very famous and very copyrighted character.  Disney has been known to sue school districts for showing Disney movies in class without expressed written permission.  They have become cruelly litigious since transforming from Uncle Walt’s Wonderful World of Color into an evil multi-national corporate media empire whose spokesperson is a mouse.  So I beg you to pardon my transgressions due to love and debt I have to the work in the title of this piece.  Consider this fan art, like the pictures I posted of the Phantom and Captain America (who is also now owned by Disney).

Fantasia is for me the Book of Life.

The movie starts with Bach’s masterpiece, Toccata and Fugue in D Minor This amazing piece reminds me of earliest childhood memories.  It begins with sound and the instruments that make it, becoming shapes and lines and movements and, eventually cloud forms.  It is the beginning of perception, like modern art itself, the raw energy and emerging forms that I began to perceive as an infant, but could not define or distinguish clearly.

Next comes  Nutcracker Suite by Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky.  This is the explorations of nature and the magic of existence as a mere child.  It uses Tchaikovsky’s sugar-plum ballet music to depict hours of play and learning and investigation and wonder.  In it I see myself as a young child, viewing all the color and beauty through wide eyes.

Then comes The Sorcerer’s Apprentice by Paul Dukas.  In this piece, the child in me, like Mickey the apprentice, for the first time bites off more than I could chew.  I overstep my protective boundaries and get myself into a serious fix that has to be undone by the parent stepping in at the end, and not only fixing it, but delivering the consequences to my ignorant behind with a broom.  Of course, we all know I will do it again.  Every child does.  But next time I will get it right.

This is followed by Rite of Spring by Igor Stravinsky.  Here the child is child no longer.  I watch the amoeba become dinosaurs to harsh and dissonant music.  I learn about the world, growing and evolving, finding out that life is full of hard lessons.  Life and Death play out there struggle, and the learning concludes when you reached the parched and hopeless climax, the realization that everything, no matter how big or powerful, ends in death and failure.  Dust returns to dust.

The film then blossoms into The Pastoral Symphony by Ludwig van Beethoven.  This mythical landscape of cute cherubs and satyrs, bare-breasted centaurettes, and Greek Gods rendered in pastel hues represents the blooming of romance, lust, and love.  There is celebration, complete with Dionysus and his invention, wine.  There is courtship, attraction, and bonding.  When the cherubs pull the curtain closed on the centaur couple, we also know what is happening behind the curtain even if it weren’t for the cherub whose butt becomes a red heart.  And, of course, there is a great storm that comes along, both in the pastoral music and the action of the cartoon, representing the volatility and strife that occurs when we dare to love another.  It does, however, subside for life to continue refreshed.

Disney centaur 2

The next piece is  Dance of the Hours by Amilcare Ponchielli.  This comedy of ballerina ostriches and hippos, bubble-dancing elephants, and aggressively dancing gators, is the domestic, married life.  It is a comedy of graceful awkwardness, beauty and humor rolled into the same cake and cooked with irony and wit.  And, of course, just like real life, everything is eventually carried away by the wind… until the next dance.

And finally, Night on Bald Mountain by Modest Mussorgsky and Ave Maria by Franz Schubert is the end of life.  First comes the pain and suffering of death, ruled over by Chernabog the Devil.  He commands the torture and heartless ritual that I am subject to even now, in the twilight of life.  The flesh and the bones yield to his trans-formative whims.  We must all dance to his music until the striking of dawn.  Then he is defeated and the spirit soars, free of body and definable form to the rousing strains of Ave Maria.  We journey through the cathedral forest towards the everlasting light, and the movie, like my life, will be done.  But I do not despair, because life, like the movie itself, can be endlessly replayed and is eternal.

I was not able to see this movie for the first time until college, attending a screening at Iowa State.  When it came out on VHS in the 80’s, I bought two, one to keep and store safely, unopened, and one to watch until it fell apart.  I also bought the DVD when it came out with Fantasia 2000.  I cannot count how many times I have seen this movie.  I even showed it to my classes as I was about to retire, and didn’t secure written permission.  But it was only this week, feeling ill and terribly mortal again that I realized… Fantasia tells the story of my life.

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What AI is Doing to My Artwork

Valerie Clarke, the main novel character, has yellow sunshine paint on her face from the happiness painting session with the child she babysat, Troy Zeffer, six years old. Seen above as re-rendered with the aid of AI Mirror. Below is the original pen and ink and colored pencil rendering.

Sherry Cobble is one of two twin sisters, both nudists, who are the main characters in a secondary position in more than one novel. Seen above drawn only with colored pencils. Below, that picture is re-rendered with the aid of AI Mirror.

Bree, above, was rendered with digital art tools on Digital Drawing Pad app. Then redrawn with AI Mirror. On investigation, I learned the original Instagram model was also generated with AI.

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Tinfoil Hats

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image from morettafra.altervista.org

I have, over time, become something of a nut over conspiracy theories.  My family jokes about me to friends and relatives… and people we don’t know that overhear me in restaurants.    Okay, I admit it.  I believe in some pretty loony things that I repeatedly search out on the internet.  I suppose it can all be traced back to college speech class where I gave a serious informative speech about why vampires are real, and the evidence (pre-internet loony-bin sites) from library books about nosferatus and the vampire of Croglin Grange.  The speech teacher told me he would’ve failed me for the class, except I was too entertaining.  Saved by a fool’s inherent comedy value.

The internet has proved to be a real boost to my addiction with its plethora of fake UFO pictures and New World Order/ Illuminati conspiracies.  I am caught up in so many things it worries me.  Of course, I will lie and say I am researching for my fiction.  I write humor, and thus require large amounts of otherwise useless trivia to fuel my extended puns, over-blown metaphors, and purple paisley prose.  I also like to write about clown characters; evil-hearted old men with lies too unbelievable to cause disbelief, fools who believe the fantastically foolish things that all fools believe, slapstick jokers whose pranks land them in the middle of demonic possessions and alien invasions, and gullible goofs who  end up sounding just like me.  Any excuse in a storm of protests, right?

Here’s what I believe in the terms I can best defend it;

  1.  John Kennedy was killed by a conspiracy that probably included E. Howard Hunt, George H.W. Bush, and J. Edgar Hoover.  There was obviously at least one extra shooter.  There was a cover-up that at the very least included covering up gross incompetence.  At the very worst, he was executed by rogue elements of our own government that may still hold power.  Of course, most of the “experts” that give you the facts for your puzzling-efforts make their living off conspiracy theories and the books they can sell.  Especially the books they can sell to gullible goofs who accept what they read as worth consideration.  Some of the information comes by way of various investigators and prosecutors that became mentally unbalanced to the point of pursuing things to the degree that it destroyed their careers.
  2. Aliens did crash in the Roswell, New Mexico area, and the U.S. Government did recover wreckage which was then back-engineered.  I have seen and heard enough evidence to know that the truth has been suppressed since 1947, and there are cracks in the government’s armor, and holes in the government’s collecting sacks.  The truth is probably far more mundane and harmless than all of this sounds, because, seriously, if aliens wanted to take the Earth away from us, what could stop them?  They have technology that can cross interstellar space.   All we have is bad science fiction by gullible goofs like me.
  3. The 9/11 Truthers worry me.  I know there’s a lot of bad science there.  A lot of shysters and hucksters play on peoples’ fears and anti-government sentiments.  But the truth is… I do not believe those planes brought down the twin towers.  And they certainly didn’t bring down the World Trade Center 7 building that wasn’t even hit by a plane.    I don’t want to believe it, but those buildings did fall exactly like a controlled demolition.  Concrete and steel designed to withstand a hit from a 747, and yet they were pulverized, and the debris burned for a month?  The implications are horrible.  Somebody should be in jail by now.
  4. The Illuminati are not real… at least not any more.  The New World Order, the Bilderburgers, the Tri-lateral Commission, the Knights Templar, and the Free Masons are only dangerous in the minds of paranoid people who listen to B.S, salesmen like Alex Jones and Jim Fetzer.
  5. There are no lizard men from outer space masquerading as world leaders.  Thank you David Icke for that amusing tidbit.
  6. Nikola Tesla did not send the USS Eldridge through a black hole in 1943 while trying to make it invisible.

So now you see why my family makes fun of me.  I recently saw a UFO over Carrollton in the Dallas-Fort Worth area.  It was box shaped, and floated silently.  A military-looking jet approached,  and it suddenly disappeared.  It was the first UFO I ever saw.  My oldest son saw it too.  And I am only too well aware that UFO means UNIDENTIFIED flying object.  My government knows what it is.  They just aren’t telling the rest of us.   

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Alien girls dancing to Mickey Mouse Club music in my book, Catch a Falling Star.

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