Senator Tedhkruzh, the lizard-man from the doomed planet Galtorr Prime.
The Iowa Caucuses delivered a result that was, to me, not unexpected, but definitely dreaded. Not that I am not happy that Bernie Sanders tied Hilary Clinton on the Democratic side. Sanders is a gruff and determined old grandpa-man who says what he means and has been pursuing ideas that I truly believe will benefit everybody for more than forty years. But my Iowa friends and Iowa family are more given to the conservative point of view. As a result, they have a tendency to accept as truth the lies they are told by the lizard people who have taken on human disguises and become the leaders of the Republican Party.
Apparently Grandpa Munster is the winner of the Republican half of the Iowa Caucuses. Not to say that it is a bad thing that Mr. Donald Trump did not win, for he would be a very bad president if elected. He does not represent all the people of this country, and does not even represent the interests of all the people who would vote for him. He is a greedy, ruthless business overlord who favors the rich and has distinct and harmful prejudices against most minorities. He has a terrible idea of what is good for all Americans. But, as orangutans will when given the reins of the stagecoach, he will promptly drive us into the nearest ditch and be replaced with a better driver.
Senator Cruz from Texas, however, is another beast all together. The noted conspiracy theorist, David Icke, insists many of the world leaders are actually serpentoid aliens able to take on human form, and are using their ability to control the world for sinister alien ends. Now, I certainly don’t believe that David Icke is anything more than a kook and a charlatan making obscene amounts of money lecturing about his conspiracy theories and bizarre fantasy life. Ted Cruz, in my experience, however, is a cold-blooded creature with nothing but his own appetites for power in his agenda. He portrays himself as an opponent to Obamacare and orchestrated an unnecessary, expensive, and needlessly destructive government shutdown to demonstrate his power. The fact that the Affordable Care Act is actually helping people with the nightmare of American health care and insurance access is irrelevant to him. He is a child of immigrants, yet he is opposed to giving hard-working would-be immigrants easy access to citizenship and fully documented acceptance. And the worst thing about the cold-blooded politician is that he has the power and ability to enforce his will if we make the mistake of electing him President of the United States. As a humorist, it is tempting to merely call the enemy names and cleverly insult him. You can probably tell that I enjoy doing just that. But I hope you see too that I am choosing against him for myself because of his stated policy positions and past actions. It is not the man… so much as the man’s potential for doing harm. I admit to prejudice against him. But sometimes you fear somebody for actual reasons… not just because he is a lizard man masquerading as a human being.
