I have reached the point that I have to change the novel I am showing you on Tuesdays. When the Captain Came Calling is in the final proof-reading stage where I am almost ready to publish.
Now, I need a replacement.
I have decided to use the wreckage of my out-of-print disaster of a novel, Aeroquest as the new Work in Progress.
So, here is a look at the initial cover art mock-up for the re-vamped Aeroquest1.
Filed under announcement, novel, novel plans, NOVEL WRITING, Paffooney, science fiction
In my newest book When the Captain Came Calling, there is a fantasy character who is basically an invisible man. Captain Noah Dettbarn is the captain of a ship called the Reefer Mary Celeste. It is an ill-fated ship on a fatal voyage. It runs afoul of a mermaid with man-eating intentions, a witch-doctor with a hungry volcano-god to feed, and a beautiful young girl who bewitches the captain.
All of this happens in the log book of the mysterious invisible captain who has returned to the Iowa farm town where he was born and raised just as the local kids’ adventurer’s club, the Norwall Pirates, is being re-organized with a girl as their leader.
Today’s first Paffooney is an illustration that I intend to use in the book.
Filed under characters, humor, NOVEL WRITING, Paffooney
I draw things as illustrations to stories. Take, for example, the protagonist and hero of Catch a Falling Star.
Dorin Dobbs is boy from Iowa. That tells you some terrible things about him right there.
He was ten in 1990.
He hated girls.
He met some pretty green-skinned girls from outer space, amphibianoid frog-girls with fins on their heads. He danced with them to Mickey Mouse Club music while he was their prisoner on a sectet base on the planet Mars. They were dancing naked in the nutrient bath that all Telleron tadpoles use daily.
Brekka and Menolly are two of the Telleron frog girls with fins on their heads. They love Earth music in the 1990’s. They are background characters in Catch a Falling Star. They are main characters in the book Stardusters and Space Lizards, where they help Davalon and Tanith to conquer the dying planet of Galtorr Prime after the Telleron invasion of Earth failed in the previous book.
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”””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””
Galtorr Prime is undergoing drastic climate change and environmental collapse and ends up being saved by superior Telleron technology and the lizard-girl heroine, Sizzahl, who has a plan for fixing the atmosphere and saving fundamental eco-systems. Of course, this is all science fiction-y stuff based entirely on fantasy and imagination and has nothing to do with the real world we now live in.
Of course, not all characters I illustrate are people or aliens.
Millis, Tommy Bircher’s pet rabbit, is an ordinary albino bunny who eats a piece of alien technology that evolves him into a talking, walking-on-two-legs, near-human form.
He becomes the chef (who cooks only vegetable dishes) for Norwall, Iowa’s own mad scientist, Orben Wallace, in the book The Bicycle-Wheel Genius.
I think I have now given out far more spoilers for stories than I have any right to do. But the thing about character illustrations is that your get to know the characters at a glance. And to know them is to love them.
Filed under aliens, artwork, characters, illustrations, NOVEL WRITING, Paffooney
Canto Twenty-Nine – In the Arms of an Angel
When Valerie awoke, she was no longer on the ground. Someone was carrying her and she had someone’s jacket wrapped tightly around her bare body. Someone was gently, tenderly lowering her into a bed loaded with comforter and quilts.
“Be careful of her head, Ray,” said an older woman. Valerie vaguely became aware that a young man or boy was holding her, and lowering her onto soft bedding. “How did you ever find her in such a condition?” The woman was Patricia Zeffer, Ray’s Mom. Valerie looked groggily up into the face of her rescuer. It was Ray.
“I found her in the alley behind Martin’s Bar and Grill,” Ray said with deep concern in his voice. “She was just lying there, completely nude and unconscious. Did you call someone?”
“I am going to in a minute. I will call the hospital in Belle City for advice. Then I’ll call the poor dear’s parents. I just needed to get a look at what’s wrong with her.”
“She’s awake,” said Ray, smiling down at her as he pulled a quilt over her.
“Oh, my poor, sweet girl,” said Mrs. Zeffer, “whatever happened to you?”
“I… I’m not entirely sure.” Valerie’s voice was shaky and soft, almost too quiet to hear.
“Did you see if she was bleeding anywhere?” Mrs. Zeffer asked Ray.
“She had some bloody scratches on her shoulder and back, maybe from an animal.”
“Are you in pain, dear?”
“No… I mean, only where the cat clawed me. It stings.”
“Why were you in the alley naked? Did something terrible happen?” It was obvious from the look on her motherly face that Mrs. Zeffer wasn’t too sure she should be asking this question.
“I… I don’t know. I was with Mary Philips and Pidney Breslow. I’m afraid they may be hurt worse than I am.”
“They didn’t hurt you, did they?” asked Ray.
“Of course not. Someone else…”
“Do you know who?”
“Mom, you better call the sheriff too. They will need to find Pid and Mary and make sure they’re all right.”
“Yes, yes, of course.” Mrs. Zeffer hustled out of the bedroom headed for the phone downstairs.
“Ray, um… you found me naked?”
“I’m sorry,” said Ray. “I could see you needed help. I put my jacket on you. I… um… didn’t look too hard.”
“Ah… it’s okay. You saved me. You and Barky Bill.”
“The Martins’ dog? He fought off your attacker?”
“Well, yes… kinda. I think he killed my attacker.”
“He did? I didn’t see anybody lying there in the alley.”
“Well, you wouldn’t have. It was a cat. I think the dog ate him.”
“You were attacked by a cat? Come on, you have to tell me the whole story.”
Valerie did. She filled Ray in on everything he probably didn’t already know.
“Wow, that’s really messed up,” said Ray. “The witchdoctor wants you as a virgin to sacrifice to the volcano, but the cat wanted to eat you?”
“That’s how I understood it.”
“I’m glad the cat didn’t eat you.”
“You… ah… Ray… can I ask you something?”
“Yes, Val. I can’t promise I know the answer, but you may always ask.”
“Thanks… uh, Ray… you saw me naked in the alley?”
Ray blushed and looked away from Valerie’s face. “Yes, I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to be sorry… but… um… am I the first girl you ever saw naked?”
“Well, I…”
“I know you never had any sisters…”
“No, I didn’t, but…”
“I mean, it’s okay if I’m your first.”
“You aren’t. Mary didn’t tell you about me, huh?”
“Well, yes, but… I mean, no… well… what was she supposed to tell me?”
“About why I need friends now? Why she thought I needed to be a Norwall Pirate?”
“About why you are so sad all the time?”
“Yes.”
“No, not really.”
“Well, you see… um, I have a girlfriend already.”
“You do? And you’ve seen her naked?”
“Um, yeah. You see, she’s pregnant.”
“She is? Who is she?”
“Carla Sears from Belle City. She’s the prettiest girl in my class.”
“And she’s gonna have a baby?”
“Yes.”
“Your baby?”
“Yes.”
“So, you’re gonna get married, then?”
“No. Her parents won’t allow it. They blame me for the whole mess… and I suppose they’re right.”
“She’s going to have the baby all by herself?”
“Well, that’s one of the things they are talking about… I mean…” Ray’s eyes were filled with tears.
“You mean they might…?”
All Ray seemed to be able to do was nod.
“Oh.” Valerie’s eyes began to gush tears too. “I’m so… sorry… I mean…ah…”
She reached up and put her arms around Ray’s neck. When she did, the quilt and the jacket fell away, revealing her naked self to him. She was past mere embarrassment, but she held on. He cried against her neck.
As he struggled for control of his emotions, she knew they had to talk about something else. Anything else. The walls around them were painted a warm, sunny yellow.
“This room is very pretty. Is it your room?”
“No,” he said simply. “It was my brother Bobby’s room.”
“Your brother?”
“The one that died before I was born.” Ray had enough control to pick up the fallen jacket and put it back around the naked girl. “I never knew him.”
“That’s sad too.”
“Yeah. And hard. I was the replacement child for Mom and Dad.”
“Replacement child?”
“They knew if they had another child, especially a boy, that he could be a hemophiliac too, just like Bobby. But they took the chance anyway. They were heartbroken by his death, and well…”
“So, they had you.”
“They did. And now I’m…”
“You would be a great dad, Ray… if they… um…
“Yeah… but they won’t.”
Valerie squeezed him tightly. She was beginning to see things in a way she never had before. Ray was worthy of love.
Filed under humor, novel, NOVEL WRITING, Paffooney
Canto Twenty-Eight – Squirrel Versus Skaggs
Valerie-squirrel hustled out towards the alley once more. How do you find your focus and take back your own mind? Could it possibly have something to do with not listening to nonsense from the mouth of a witch? But things that were affecting her now were things that came in clouds of purple gas from the mouth of the Tiki idol called Oojie Magoober. Maybe she had to not listen to him… or it… or whatever the hell it was. She scampered back towards the end of the alley where she had first crossed paths with the little wooden man.
The alley was unnaturally quiet. She looked all around for Skaggs the cat, or the dog Barky Bill. Not only could she not see them with her little squirrel eyes, she couldn’t smell them with her little squirrel nose. Well, that wasn’t entirely true. She could smell the poo-poo smells from the area where she knew the dog had to be because it was chained up. But Barky Bill was not boofing out cat warnings, or prowling around. He was apparently in his little lean-to doghouse by the back door of Martin’s Bar and Grill.
There were no other squirrels chittering. Valerie-squirrel was also deeply concerned about what may have happened to Mary-squirrel and Pidney-squirrel. Did Oojie and the cats catch them? Maybe eat them? She shuddered to think such a thought.
So, she crept forward ever more wary and ever more alert. Her little pointed ears were perked straight up and listening intently. She continually looked behind her for stalking cats.
It was eerie how quiet the alley was. Not only were the squirrels quiet, but no birds were singing. No insects were buzzing. It was as if Mother Nature was holding her breath… worried about… something evil about to take place.
Valerie-squirrel timidly put her little nose to the spot in the alley where the wooden Tiki idol had first appeared. Anyway, she was pretty sure it was the right spot. But the smells were mostly unfamiliar. She had not been a squirrel long enough to really know what the smells all stood for.
Skaggs was on top of her before she could even look up from sniffing the dirt. Cruel cat claws pricked deeply into squirrel muscles and her squirrel heart practically exploded with instant terror.
“Well, well, pretty little one. I wonder how beautifully you are going to taste.”
“No! You cannot eat me!”
“Let’s see now… are you not a squirrel and significantly smaller than me?”
“Yes… but…”
“And do I not have you pinned down helplessly under my claws?”
“Yes… but…”
“BOOF! Boof! Boof! Boof! Yipe!”
Barky Bill came rocketing out from hiding, leaping for the terrible, awful, wicked cat. With full force he reached the end of his chain and practically tore his own head off straining against the chain-enforced back flip that came next.
“Ah, very clever, stupid dog. You thought if I couldn’t see you hiding under that old piece of carpet I would never know you were there. But you forgot, that you are chained there, and you never go anywhere else. And I never forget where the maximum chain reach is.”
“You can’t eat her, cat!”
“You surprise me, stupid dog. I didn’t know you could animal-talk.”
“I can’t. I’m just a stupid dog. But you can’t eat her. She’s not really a squirrel. You can tell by the smell. She’s really a human girl. You must leave her alone!”
“Ah, but the point is, she thinks she’s a squirrel. If she thinks she’s a squirrel, then I think I can eat her. I also think she will be delicious.”
Valerie-squirrel was suddenly aware of the real meaning behind the cat’s words. “She thinks she’s a squirrel…,” the cat said. But what had Mazie said? Something about her focus… Yes. Someone had definitely used magic to convince her that she was a squirrel. But she wasn’t a squirrel. Barky Bill knew she was a real girl because of her smell. And if she still smelled like a human…
Suddenly Valerie Clarke was lying there in the dirt in the middle of the alley by the Main Street water tower, as naked as the day that she was born. She was a human girl… all girl… and definitely too large to be eaten by a cat.
Shocked, Skaggs leaped splay-footed into the air. He was totally taken by surprise by his prey’s sudden change of form. He came down awkwardly and nearly didn’t land on his feet.
“You… you can’t do that! Only witches have the power to see through spells!”
Valerie, now herself again, was feeling very woozy and uncoordinated. She tried to get up from the ground and failed, only managing to sit up in the alley dirt.
“The laws of magic cannot be broken by such as you… such a weak-willed…”
“BOOF! Boof! Boof!” Barky Bill lunged out to the fullest possible stretch of the chain, and then the chain snapped. The dog had the ugly white cat with the mismatched eyes neck-first in his jaws. The jaws tightened and you could hear Skaggs’ neck-bones snap. The cat went limp.
“I told you I would kill and eat this cat.”
“Yes, you did. Thank you, Barky Bill. But how are you talking with a cat in your mouth?”
“Oh, dogs can’t talk, miss. You know that.” “Yes, I suppose you are right.” Valerie was drained in every fiber of her bare body. She smiled weakly at the dog, and then everything went black.
*********************************Remember, this is promotion week for Recipes for Gingerbread Children********************
Filed under humor, novel, NOVEL WRITING, Paffooney
Canto Twenty-Seven – Begging for Counter Spells
Valerie-squirrel scurried through the cat door in the back of Mazie Haire’s Gingerbread House. Once inside the house, she searched all around the downstairs for Miss Haire. Not finding her anywhere around the kitchen cauldron and fireplace, or the sitting room and reading area, or even the bathroom, the little blond squirrel finally found the witch upstairs, watching something through the telescope.
“So, you still aren’t practicing your natural skills of seeing and knowing, I see,” Miss Haire said to the squirrel at the top of the stairs.
“Chit Chitter Chit-it-it!” said Valerie-squirrel angrily, even though she meant to say, “I need help, I’ve been changed into a squirrel!”
“You don’t have to talk like that, you know. Just say it in regular people words.”
“Chit-chitter… do I use regular people words?”
“Just like that, girl. You have to use the acuity of your own intelligent mind to see through the fog the spell put on your brain.”
“Spell?”
“Well, that’s what a witch calls it, of course. But it is more like a bit of chemistry in gaseous form, I believe. Did you not come in contact with a cloud of purple smoke at one point or another?”
“Yes. The Tiki idol filled Mary’s basement with purple smoke right before Mary, Pidney, and I all turned into squirrels.”
“Yes, and somehow you were given some sort of powerful suggestion right before that, I believe.”
“Suggestion?”
“Ideas were placed in your head prior to inhaling the gas, I believe. Someone talking, or chanting, or telling a story perhaps.”
“There was… some chanting… yes.”
“So, that was the trick of it.”
“Can you…? Can you cure me? Or reverse the spell? I don’t want to be a squirrel, Miss Haire.”
“You are not a squirrel, child. You are a rather stupid and completely naked girl. I can’t cure stupid, but you can.”
“What do you mean?”
“You will continue to think you are a squirrel until you take control of your own mind and convince yourself that you are not.”
Valerie-squirrel looked down at her own paws and golden-blond fur. How exactly was that done? Everything she saw, heard, and smelled told her that she was really a squirrel. A human girl in her mind, but definitely a squirrel in all her body parts.
“So, what do I do?”
“Obviously, me telling you that you are not a squirrel is not enough. So, you are going to have to go back out there and find for yourself the proof you need to turn yourself back into a beautiful young lady, and not a silly, naked squirrel.
“Go back… out there? Where the cat is? And that dog, Barky Bill?”
“Yes. Go back out there and find the focus, find the part of your brain that reminds you that are not what somebody else says you are. Go out and find the part of Valerie Clarke that is not a squirrel.” Valerie-squirrel swallowed hard and looked back down the staircase. This was going to be hard.
Filed under humor, novel, NOVEL WRITING, Paffooney cartoony
I recently got my very first unsolicited review on a book I had written when Mr. Ted Bun, one of the leaders of the nudist writer group on Twitter gave me a five star review on Recipes for Gingerbread Children.
I was grateful and reviewed one of his books on Twitter in return.
But it was totally unsolicited. I didn’t even know any of my book promotions had penetrated such an odd corner of the internet. The story does have nudists in it, but that is not what the book is really about. Mr. Bun acknowledged that much in his review, and still liked it and called it well-written.
My first Amazon book promotion, offering the Kindle version of Snow Babies for free, produced the same kind of fruit. I started by sending a paperback copy to the girl I grew up with that I named the main character after. Valerie read the book to her grandchildren and then sent me this message;
Valerie– Hi Michael! I wanted to let you know that I finished reading your book a couple of days ago, and that I thought it was really good! You used so many colorful descriptions of the characters, that I felt like I could really picture the whole scene! I also enjoyed how you used several people’s names and surrounding towns from our past that brought back good memories. It kept my interest and made me excited to keep reading to see how things turned out! I appreciated how you ended it, too! Thanks again, so much for sharing it with me. I plan to share it with a friend of mine to read and then return to me! Do the Rowan and Belmond libraries have copies of your books? I would be happy to talk to the Belmond library about it, if you haven’t already! I will spread the word, and keep writing! Val
Me– I donated a couple of books to Rowan and one to Belmond. But I have written a lot more since
They don’t have Snow Babies. I am so glad you liked the book. It is one of the best things I have ever written.
Valerie– You can be proud of your hard work! Next time I’m in the library, I will take Snow Babies with me and show them. I know they like to support local authors! 🙂
Me– Thank you for the help. I really appreciate it.
Then I find this tweet on Twitter from a fellow author who responded to my book promotion week.
She read Snow Babies and loved it and shared this review with me before she posted it on Amazon.
Headline: This book has a potential to become a classic
The story takes you to Norwall, a secluded midwestern town where people are expecting a snow blizzard to arrive in couple of hours. Among strangers coming to the town during the blizzard are four very special boys, a hobo, a bus driver, a drunken old lady, a stupid salesman, a couple of newly-weds and a lady following the four boys. Each of them, as well as the local people, has their own interesting story and their stories start to intertwine while the town gets buried in snow.
Some from the locals and the newcomers start to see white naked kids in the snow. In the course of events, they learn that those white kids are so called “snow babies”. According to what people say, those who see snow babies, are supposed to die during the blizzard.
The author has a talent for depicting situations in an impressive manner, so they can be humorous and touching at the same time. His mature narrative style enables you to learn deeply but in a light way about individual characters and understand their motives. Interesting are the hobo´s droppings of philosophical reflections and life wisdoms from Walt Whitman’s book. Simultaneously, in connection with snow babies, the author keeps you in suspense until the end. The story is not predictable, and the ending left me smiling and absorbed in thought.
I honestly fell in love with this book from the first page. It is like a fresh breeze compared to a number of today’s books written in similar patterns.
*****
I am amazed that people are beginning to read my books and like them… even love them. I wasn’t expecting that to happen until after I was dead. It is a good feeling that took me by surprise.
Filed under book review, humor, novel, NOVEL WRITING, Paffooney, publishing
Canto Twenty-Five – Squirrel on the Lam
Valerie-squirrel found that even though she had rapidly ascended through the hollows of the brickwork, dodging obstacles, squeezing through narrows, and working her paws at a high rate of speed, she reached the top with energy to spare. Her squirrel-body was almost infinitely flexible and full of muscle. What skateboard miracles she could perform if her body were only like that as a human!
But she came out under the eaves of the Philips’ house and was soon racing across the roof. She leaped into the branches of the tall maple that stood in front of Mary’s house. The leaves were mostly yellow with fall color, but bright reds and scarlet colors tipped the five points of almost every leaf. The view was amazing from the heights of the tree, especially because of her squirrel eyes that gave her very nearly a 360-degree view around her. It was like three-dimensional vision warped into surround-see super-reality. And yet, as amazing as the view was, her squirrel heart knew despair because the Pidney and Mary squirrels were nowhere to be seen. Had cats eaten them already? She shuddered to think it. Was it up to her to save them? Could they somehow save her?
There was no squirrel-plan that made sense at that moment. Her instincts were screaming at her to run and climb and jump… and eat nuts. But how could any of that be helpful? Especially eating nuts?
She knew this predicament had to be the result of magic, probably evil magic. How could she turn herself back into a human girl? The only real magic she was aware of before this terrible curse was the magic revealed to her by the witch, Mazie Haire. Somehow she had to go and find the Haire woman, and somehow she had to make the woman understand, through a stream of screamed-out squirrel curses, chreeks, and chit-it-its, that magically somehow the witch would interpret, what had happened to Valerie, and that she needed the old witch to change her back. But how to get there?
“I see you up there!” The cat’s voice startled her because, even though she could clearly see the cat on the ground far below, it sounded as loud as if she were face to face with the ugly old cat. She calmed herself with the realization that the cat was somehow telepathic.
She looked intently at the cat, wiggled her blond tail, and thought intensely in its general direction. “Can you read minds, damned old cat?” she heard herself say.
“I can hear you animal-talking,” said Skaggs from below. “I can’t hear what you’re thinking. But I don’t need to know that to know you must come down from that tree to get the help you need.”
She ran along a maple branch and launched herself through the air, landing in a branch of the elm tree next door in the Pixeley’s yard. “I can travel from tree to tree!” she cried out with her mind.
“Not all the way to where you need to go. There is too much space for you to cross to go north to the witch’s house.”
“How did you know I wanted to go there?”
“Where else would you go in your present situation? You need that old witch’s magic to undo what Oojie did. Am I right?”
“You are about as wrong as anything could be… because you are… you’re evil! Evil is always wrong!”
“I am not evil. But I will admit, to a squirrel a cat surely seems evil.”
“I will find a way.” She leaped down onto the red tar-paper shingles of the Pixeley house. There was no tree near enough going to the north, but there were bushes around the house. And there was a line of pine trees in Tom Kellogg’s yard to the north.
Filed under humor, novel, NOVEL WRITING, Paffooney
Canto Twenty-Four – Squirrel Time
It was Skaggs the cat that started the action. He stared at Valerie-squirrel with evil, mismatched eyes. He licked his evil cat-lips. Then he launched himself into the air, intending to come down on top of Valerie-squirrel’s head.
Pidney-squirrel was having none of that. Faster than the eye could follow, he dashed over to defend Valerie-squirrel, latching on to Skaggs the cat’s left rear haunch with his sharp squirrel teeth.
“Yeeowehrrrrr-owwwerrrr!” screamed the cat as he tumbled over his wound into a very un-catlike pile of Pidney-squirrel-and-Skaggs-the-cat-awkwardness all wrapped up in a fight to the death.
“Chreee-chit-it-it-it!” cried Valerie, trying hard to say, “I’ll help you, Pidney-squirrel!” but not managing it very well. She caught the tip of the cat’s tail in her mouth and bit hard with her own sharp squirrel teeth.
“Have a care, cat!” said Oojie. “You can eat the boy-squirrel, but not the girl-squirrels. I need them alive!”
The enraged cat was, paws and claws, splayed out in agony in four directions at once, spitting his fury and hatred at the squirrels who still had him impaled with buck teeth.
“You will die, beautiful one!” swore Skaggs in the mental language Valerie-squirrel had come to think of as cat language. “I don’t care what the juju thing says. He is only someone’s servant! Not the witch-doctor himself.”
Mary-squirrel pulled at Pidney and made him let go of Skaggs’ hind leg. She dragged him over to the furnace fixture and up a pipe that was wrapped with black tape where the squirrels could get a decent claw- hold. Both Pidney and Mary squirrels shot up the pipe and out the open basement window above it.
Valerie-squirrel realized too late that she should’ve let go and followed them up the pipe. The evil cat whipped his injured tail around and launched her toward the stairs. Mary Philips’ father always kept a waste basket at the foot of the stairs, and Valerie-squirrel, head over tail, spiraled into it.
“Get outside and get the other squirrels!” Skaggs commanded the other cats. “This one is all mine!”
The other cats disappeared up the cellar stairs and out of the house.
“You cannot kill the girl squirrel!” commanded Oojie with a shout.
“Spare me, little familiar… for that’s what you are, only the witch’s familiar, not the actual witch. Magic flows through you, but it does not come from you. You can’t control me.”
Valerie-squirrel knew she was in deep and dire distress, so she felt around in the darkness for possible weapons. But how does one wield a weapon with squirrel paws? And then she realized that the waste basket was made of wicker. She quickly bit into the soft woody fibers with her amazingly sharp incisors.
“I am going to report you to the master!” Oojie said to the cat.
“Go ahead. I will have a nice squirrel lunch while you get him. I have her trapped in this human trash thingy.”
The hole was big enough to squirm through. And with luck, there was a mouse hole in the basement brickwork right near where she tumbled out on the dark floor. She wriggled through the opening and into the hollow tunnel that was on the inside of the cinderblock wall. She could see light somewhere far above.
“Where are you, beautiful one? How can you be hiding under this paper and string and old apple cores?”
Valerie-squirrel heard the basket being batted away and new light flooded in the door of the mouse hole.
“Aha! So that is where you have gone.”
The cat’s paw came reaching in through the hole, the only part of Skaggs that actually fit. He nearly got a hold on Valerie-squirrel’s bushy blond tail. She wasn’t used to having a tail the way a real squirrel would be. She tucked it up underneath herself just in time. Then she began to climb up through the brickwork. It was a long, hard climb basically going straight up, but she could manage with four splayed squirrel legs.
“You haven’t escaped me yet!” cried the cat. “I will have you still.” Her tiny heart beat even faster as she climbed.
Filed under magic, novel, NOVEL WRITING, Paffooney
Canto Twenty-Three – The Juju Man
“This is a very strange story,” said Pidney, blushing furiously.
“It’s practically pornography,” said Mary softly.
“I think the interesting part is where it tells about the juju man,” said Valerie. “It tells us how to make it work.”
“Yeah, it does kinda, doesn’t it?” said Pid.
“It doesn’t say the order to tap them in,” said Mary, looking at the ugly wooden man with the even uglier wooden mask on his face.
“It doesn’t say they have to be tapped in order,” reminded Valerie. “It just says to tap them each one time and say the magic words.” She reached out her hand and tapped each of the twenty-eight tattoos only one time.
“Good gawd, Val, don’t do it!” whimpered Pidney.
“You mean say the magic words?” asked Mary.
“Yes!” said Pidney.
“Juju do dah goodah!” sang Valerie as if on cue. Nothing happened.
“Don’t !” screeched Pidney.
“You must also have to say oojie-magoober,” said Mary.
“Oh, Mary! No!” cried Pid. At that moment a cloudy stream of purple smoke boiled out of the top of the wooden juju man. The idol began to glow with an eerie greenish-blue neon light. The smoke was sweet smelling, like burning sugar.
The little wooden man began to shake himself as if he was trying to wake himself up.
“Who are you?” Valerie asked him with a Cheshire Cat’s grin.
“Juju do dah! Yaya!” cried the little wooden man. “I am Oojie Magoober. You have summoned me!”
“What?” said Mary. “It was an accident. Go back to sleep or something.”
“I cannot sleep again until my task is complete,”
“What’s your task, then?” asked Pidney. “We will help you do it if we have to.”
“I must take a virgin back to my master, Mangkukulan!”
“Which virgin do you mean?” asked Valerie.
“You will do nicely, but my master asked for the other one.”
“No!” said Pidney. “Not that! You may not do that!” The football hero drew himself up to his full height and towered over the little wooden man.
“Very well. Be warned. I shall cheat and use magic. Oojie Magoober squirrelly doo dah! Yaya!”
The little wooden man twitched his stubby wooden fingers at Pidney, and suddenly the football hero shrank down into his clothes, until nothing was left but a twitching pile of empty boy’s clothing piled upon empty boy’s shoes.
“What have you done!” cried Mary. “Pidney!”
From out of the collar of the empty shirt, a reddish-brown squirrel popped his squirming, chittering body free.
“You turned him into a squirrel?” cried Valerie, distraught.
“Smaller and easier to deal with.”
“But there are still two of us against one of you,” said Mary menacingly. “Both of us are bigger than you.”
“Oojie Magoober squirrelly doo dah, two dah, yaya!” The fingers waggled at Valerie and Mary both.
Valerie felt a wave of nausea pass through her tummy and then the room swirled around her. Everything went dark. Except, it was a colored darkness. Roughly the same color as the pink blouse Val had been wearing. She pushed at the darkness around her and felt that it was cloth. Her hands felt funny. Not the kind of funny that makes you laugh. It was a funny tingly feeling in the finger nails as she clawed at the cloth around her. Then she found an opening.
As she freed her head and eyes from the darkness, she saw one of Mary’s saddle shoes. In it sat a confused and forlorn-looking squirrel covered in about the same shade of auburn fur as Mary’s hair. Then, horrified, she looked at her own two hands. Squirrel paws. Her arms and body were covered with a golden-blond fur that was not far from Val’s own hair color.
“We’ve been turned into squirrels!” she tried to say to the Mary-squirrel. “Chee-chee chit-it-it-it!” was what actually came out.
“No one understands squirrel talk,” said Oojie. “Now get into my sack.”
Valerie-squirrel rushed to the side of the saddle shoe where Pidney-squirrel had joined Mary-squirrel.
“Chit-it-it-it Chree-eek!” cried the Pidney-squirrel, leaping onto the wooden-head’s mask and sinking gnawing buck teeth into it.
“You can’t hurt me,” said the wooden man. “You are just squirrels. And I don’t even have to get you into the sack by myself. That is the very reason I asked the cats to help.” Suddenly, at the top of cellar stairs, five cats appeared. Valerie shuddered as she recognized flat-headed old Skaggs. And he was leering evilly at her.
Filed under humor, magic, novel, NOVEL WRITING
Catch a Falling Star 