School is approaching. A new school year. Looming chaos. And for the first time since 1981 I won’t be participating as a teacher. I have retired. I knew all the crying and goodbye-ing at the end of last school year was not the worst of it. The worst is now. No classroom to prepare. No new names to learn. No endless hours of in-service training where principals and experts blah-blah-blah endlessly. (Okay, I don’t miss everything.) But I am not dead, merely retired. I should not have to feel so bad and left out. Still, I linger in bed in the mornings, and I really don’t feel blessed by being retired. I know many, many teachers who live for the day when they can retire. They count the hours. Not me. I had to retire because of poor health and money woes. But I taught long enough to get a full pension, and should not have to worry for whatever years I have left. But it makes me sad not to be there. I miss it. And life will never be the same.
Tag Archives: teaching
Miss Morgan Begins
As one novel is finished, another begins. Here are the first cantos written for Magical Miss Morgan.
Canto 1 – Under the Classroom
Three of the bravest representatives the Erlking could muster were walking through the metal tunnel that the slow ones called a heating duck. Why they called it that was anyone’s guess. The three had seen nary a single duck. It was a big risk, entering the land of the slow ones. You never knew when they might squish you with a fly slapper or zap you with an ani-bug-lite. These were three of the bravest of the Wee People in all of the Kingdom of Minutiae. The leader was a Pixie, tall for his kind at two inches. His name was Donner, Thunder in the language of the Wee People. His lithe body was a creamy greenish tan with gossamer wings of transparent stained glass. The girl was called Silkie, a Storybook who looked completely human… completely blond-haired, Nordic human, but only an inch and a half tall, dressed entirely in green leaves stitched together by one of the Erlking’s stitch-witches. And the third, brought along for the sake of muscle, not brain-power, was Garriss the weak-minded, a fire-bodied Wisp. His naked form was made of actual flame, but held together by magic in a way that he could not burn anyone or anything without using the cone of fire spell burned into his flaming hands. He could’ve burned the entire structure of the slow ones to the ground, so powerful was he… Yet he would not have the first idea how to go about it without careful direction from one of the others.
“If we are going to find the one the wizard spoke of,” said Donner, “We must proceed to the place called a glass-room.”
“I think the wizard said it was a classroom,” said Silkie resolutely. Slow one speech was a mystery to all the Wee Folk, but Silkie at least had studied it with the help of the wizard’s apprentice Pippin.
“I hope it is not a class room,” said Garriss. “I am considered of such a low class that they will certainly reject me.”
“A pain made of brass is the ass without class,” sighed Donner, reciting the old stitch-witch saying.
“Up ahead,” said Silkie, pointing, “is a place where the warm air flows upwards. It is some kind of doorway made of bars, a grate or something.”
“Yes, we can at least look up into that room,” said Donner. “Mayhap it is the correct glass-room.”
The three wee adventurers drew up to the edge. Looking upward they saw a group of children moving desks to the edges of the room, and a lady in her early thirties standing in the center directing them.
Canto 2 – Miss Morgan’s Class
“All right, kiddie-winkies,” said Miss Morgan, “now that we have the space for our talking circle created, we must take off our shoes and socks. Bare feet only!”
“Why must we do that, Miss M?” asked Blueberry Bates, a girl with a very concerned scowl.
Miss Morgan loved the Six-Twos better than any of her other classes… and that was saying something because she really loved them all. Six-Two, however, had the most Norwall kids in it of all her classes, and Norwall kids were a little more imaginative and empathetic than the Belle City kids, or the Goodwell kids, or the Klempke kids. Besides, she had once been a Norwall kid herself. It was a very special little Iowa farm town to Miss Morgan.
“Who can tell Blueberry why we have to have bare feet for this discussion?” Miss M asked the whole group.
“Well,” said Mike Murphy, a Norwall rapscallion and a Pirate, “we’re studying the Hobbit by Tolkien. Hobbits all go barefoot all the time.”
“Very good, Michael. He’s right. But why does it help for us all to be barefoot?”
“Maybe it helps us feel like the main character Bilbo,” said Billy Klatthammer, the plump son of the Klempke, Iowa real estate king.
“Right. But why is it important to feel like Bilbo?”
“He’s an every-man character,” said Frosty Anderson, a Norwall farm kid. “We have to identify with him as we travel through the world of Middle Earth. He’s supposed to be just like us.”
“My, my… Someone was listening when I was talking about the book yesterday.”
“And I think,” said Barbie Andersen from Belle City, “that people are more sensitive when they are barefooted. You want us to feel what Bilbo feels and think like Bilbo thinks.”
“That’s very good, Barbie. I hadn’t thought of that.”
“The real reason,” said Tim Kellogg, Norwall boy and most difficult child in the class, “is that you like the smell of stinky feet.”
Everyone busted out in a belly laugh, including Miss Morgan.
“Okay,” said Miss Morgan, “Now that I can smell all of your stinky feet, I need you to gather around in a circle. As we take on each question from the study guide, we will go around the circle and get an answer or a comment from each of you. We will talk about each question until everyone has said at least one thing and we have made an agreement on what the best answer is.”
At that moment, the first-year teacher from next door appeared in the doorway. “Miss Morgan,” said Miss Krapplemacher, “the noise from this classroom is eroding my standards of discipline again.”
“I’m sorry, Miss Abby,” said Miss Morgan, smiling and speaking through gritted teeth. She resisted the urge to call her Miss Krabby, the way all her science students did. Miss Krabby insisted on a silent classroom and made students fill out worksheets all period. “We will try to be quieter. We are doing a discussion assignment, though.”
“Well, okay. But stifle the laughing. It’s hard to achieve serious learning with all the laughing going on next door.”
“We promise we will only talk about depressing things this period,” piped up Tim Kellogg. “No more laughter this period.”
Bless the little black-hearted teacher’s kid. Miss Morgan silently appreciated the imp as Miss Krapplemacher made vibrating fists with both hands and stormed out. Tim was Miss Krabby’s least favorite science student of all time.
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The Amazing, Magical Miss Morgan
Okay, the thing is, I was a teacher for 31 years. I need to use that for something. If I had any choice, I’d still be teaching, but since I can’t do that, I intend to create a story that uses my teaching experience, knowledge, and talent. I finally came up with the right idea, and the prewriting has begun to flow. Francis Morgan is an unmarried teacher lady with a very Mary Poppins-like quality, but the magic is all in the teaching methods. I am pitting the hero of this little tale against the most appropriate educational villain I could think of, a principal who used to be a coach. Issues of teacher-creativity versus wrong-headed notions of school discipline will provide the conflict and the fireworks. And I intend to write it with a double layer of goopy purple comedy, because if she is going to be a sixth grade English teacher it either has to be a comedy or a complete horror story. I am too much of a coward to write anything that scary. If you are interested at all in how such a goofy little project is progressing, by all means check back in the future.
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One More Day…
So, I have three more classes on a day that ends at 1:00 tomorrow… Then no more being a teacher for the rest of my life. Am I happy? Ah, no… I have been a teacher for 31 of the last 33 years. I was a substitute teacher for the two years in between job two and job three. I do not know how to regulate the rhythms of my life without a daily bell schedule, without hallway duty, without discipline referrals, without restroom passes and library privileges. What will I do come Monday? I guess I will remember how much it is in my blood… in my genes… in my very soul. And I will never actually stop being a teacher. I just will have no more class. Ee-hee-hee-hee-hee (snort! Snort!)
Facing Life Like Tarzan
There are now two days left in my career as a teacher. I only have five more classes on two test schedule and early-release days. I will soon have to completely change my life. It is as if a shipwreck will cause me to be raised naked in the jungle by apes. …Okay, not the smoothest analogy segue ever written. But there is some validity in my goofy comedy statement. Tarzan went from a gentrified country life sort of future to a naked in the jungle and raised by apes sort of future overnight. He faced an adoptive father who wanted to kill him, a malign gorilla who tried to kill him when he first discovered the knife, and Kerchak, Lord of the Apes who kills all challengers to his authority. And, of course, there are lions, alligators, and leopards to overcome. …Well, maybe that’s stretching a metaphor to the ridiculously long rubber band length of goofiness. But I go forward needing to find new knives for income creation. I face the jungle of possible substitute teaching (shudder!) There are lions of disease in my future, waiting to prey upon my aging body and mind.
And then, there’s Kerchak, Lord of the Apes. I live in Texas. Low-brow apes who command all the power, are filled with fierceness, and constantly beat their breasts are the only folk we have allowed to win elections here since Governor Ann Richards lost to some ape from the bush. Voting districts are gerrymandered wiggling pythons of arrogant partisanship. Now that I have earned a pension for thirty-one years of teaching, there are those in this state calling for legislators to reduce the amount. Teachers are apparently too much like leeches and parasites to deserve a decent retirement. You don’t do the valuable work of creating jobs by making more billions of dollars and lobbying politicians as a teacher. You do superfluous things like teaching people to read, to think, and be a moral, worthy citizen. Kerchak, as in Emperor Rick Perry, is about to take on a new form. It is anticipated that one of his evil clones, possibly Greg Abbot, will take his place. There is a transfer of power from the presidential hopeful who can’t remember which cabinet post he wants to do away with in addition to Education to an even bigger, stronger ape who wants to deregulate everything and shift more tax money to corporations and the fabled job creators who enrich our air with a fog of emissions based on oil and gas and not responsible for the non-existent global warming that makes Texas so @#$% hot.
Tarzan, raised by apes and naked in the jungle, grew in power. He slew the leopard. He slew the vile gorilla. He slew his father-ape, and eventually slew even Kerchak to become the new Lord of the Jungle. I have to grow in my power as a writer. My ideas need to mature and make a book or two that can educate, and possibly even change the world. Yes, big dreams, I know. And I also know that Tarzan is not real. But soon I must transform in much the way Tarzan did. And I no longer will be surrounded by middle school monkeys and high school gibbons. I will be surrounded by ugly apes. Oh, boy!
The beautiful illustrations for this post were shamelessly scanned from Marvel’s Super Special No. 29. These gorgeous oils were created by Charles Ren and were published in this comic book in 1983.
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Being A Teacher
I now only have four days left in my teaching career. I am swiftly reaching the end. I need to savor just a little bit. I will soon be retired and a classroom will never be the place where I do my best work again. I can reach and teach still, but my health holds me back. I can barely present for ten minutes any more. I end up gasping for breath and needing to sit. I have never been a teacher who sits behind the desk. I am always stalking the entire classroom and working over the shoulder of the kid with the question. Okay, I can’t do the work any more… so it is the right thing to retire and let others in better shape take over. I’m dreading the end, but soon I will have to embrace it whole.
Yes, I Throw a Moose or Two
I thought that this silly poem needed to be re-posted because school is ending. The need for silliness is absolutely imperative. I also need to throw a few mooses… er… moosei… er… meese? How do you pluralize the word moose?
Life is as Hard as Bowling with a Moose (A Poem)
Life is like Moose Bowling,
Because…
In order to knock over all the pins,
And win…
You have to learn HOW TO THROW A MOOSE!
As the days count down, I have had to exercise my moose-throwing muscles more and more. Today I have five days left in my teaching career. So many precious kids I have to give up and never see again… So many teachers will tell you that every year the kids are getting worse and worse, and their attitudes are turning more sour, disrespectful, and violent. But those teachers don’t know the secret. You have to throw a moose or two at the problem. Real discipline is hard work. Harder than demanding that kids sit in rows and be silent… heads down and pens scratching away. You have to actually talk to kids and learn who they are… what they feel is important… what their problems are, and what they want you to do about them. You have to be honest, give them a hook or two to draw them into the whole learning thing. You have to actually care.
So, I do. I care. And I let them talk. It’s a moose that has to be tossed.
The comment was made this morning that you have to keep them working right up until the end of the year. Doing no formal lessons in class is actually a lot harder and more risky than continuing to plod through the textbook. But in five more days there are no more classes, no more books, no more teachers’ dirty looks… school’s out forever. I haven’t done any lessons since two weeks ago. Grades are in the gradebook. I have been showing kids my favorite movies. Especially movies from the eighties. (Truthfully, I have not been well enough to actually teach. My body aches and I can’t breathe very well) I have been talking to kids about those movies… what they think about them, and what they think about life in general. Kids are telling me they are worried about my poor health. They say they are interested in my books and my writing, even though they don’t actually read just for pleasure and will never buy what I write… or even look at this blog. They tell me about their troubles, their hopes and dreams, their most significant relationships, and they tell me that they will miss me next year. Five days… will I make it through without breaking into tears? No, I won’t. I may not even try. That’s one moose too heavy to throw.
But I have no regrets. I have touched more than two thousand five hundred lives (a pretty close estimate… I don’t have a good enough memory to actually count.) They have touched my life in return. No other thing I could have done with my life would ever mean as much. Doctors save lives, but teachers shape real people. So what does it all mean? I mean, really? It means I have thrown a lot of mooses… er… moosei… er… well, you know what I mean. And if my arms are growing weary, then it is for a very good reason.
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Creepy Times, the Second Chapter

As a teacher, you always have to wonder who is pulling your strings, who is the puppet master? It is usually a principal, but today I think it was a colleague. She dumped another monster assignment on me. Individual test score conferences with all our ESL 10th and 11th grade students. They are taking my classroom away from me tomorrow, so I have no place to do the work, nor sufficient time. I apparently get half of the ninth graders too. Then I will called on the carpet if I don’t get this done soon… preferably tomorrow. This from a woman who has no classes to teach and no job beyond paperwork. Why can’t she do all of this extra work? She has the time and an available office. Another of the many reasons I am retiring in June. I love teaching, but nobody lets me do it any more… at least, not the right way.
The Blue Dragons of Somber Ceremony

Today the faculty of Naaman Forest High School held a retirement reception for me and four other teachers. All of us around 30 years of work in education. The school is losing 150 years worth of experience. Math, English, and Special Education… I managed to go through the thing without crying, but stiff upper lips get melted by the blue dragons of sadness. I will cry yet before the year is out. I still haven’t faced the final goodbye with students. How do I do that? I will bite holes in my lower lip and still fail to stop the waterworks. What a hopeless ball of wimpishness I am! But I’ve fought dragons all my life… dragons of one sort or another. Remember the intestinal gas contest started by Little Slick Pooflinger? Oh, wait, you weren’t there, were you…. Well, believe me, fart dragons are real. So, it was sad… blue dragon sort of sad… and I fought dragons one more time.








