Canto 25 – Dealing with the Devil
Stanley was determined to get both hands around Eule Gheist’s stupid neck, and squeeze until he gave up a solution to saving Maria’s life. He bulled his way into Aunt Philia’s Toy Store.
Before he could shout out the first threat and demand, he was stopped dead in his tracks by the other man standing beside the Owl Man’s check-out counter.
“Hello, Stanley. We’ve been waiting for your return,” said the mysterious stranger with the ice-blue eyes.
“You know I want my daughter back? You are going to give me a way to go where she is and bring her back home?”
“Oh, no. Our offer is far more complicated than that.”
“What kind of a place is this? You trap and kill your customers.”
“You have it all wrong, Mr. Mensch. We always give our customers exactly what they pay us for.”
“Maria never paid you to kidnap her and put her life at risk.”
“Oh, you are confused about who our customers are.”
“What do you mean? You never actually sell any of these toys.”
“We have never harmed a customer. We couldn’t possibly kill them since they are already dead.”
“And you sell them these toys?” Stan’s arm swept around in a circle indicating the whole collection of dust-covered antique toys.
“We sold Maria to Esperanza for five years’ worth of spirit life. We don’t sell these toys from the store.”
“Maria is a toy?”
“Basically. We provide the other side with humans to play with.”
“So, how do I get to where Maria is?”
“You don’t. No member of the story she is playing in will want you to be a part of it. You don’t fit the story.”
“So, what’s to prevent me from throwing a fit and wrecking this store?”
“Pick up a toy and destroy it.”
Stanley picked up a wooden rocking horse and slammed it into the floor with the full force of his anger and frustration. Almost immediately the fractured pieces disappeared and the rocking horse rematerialized on the shelf, even wearing it’s dust covering.
Stan stopped and stared, feeling totally stunned.
“Everything is set in spirit life. It will still be here even after a nuclear missile from Russia blows Dallas into vapor.”
“I don’t… I mean… ah…”
“I know you are stressed about your family’s situation. We have a possible solution to offer for a price.”
“What do you mean?”
“I can guarantee Maria’s survival. And I can cure Bonita’s cancer.”
“How… how do you know about that?”
The Owl Man grinned. “This is the store’s owner. Mr. Mephisto.”
“The dark man from the Shandra and Mark story?”
“Exactly,” said the gimlet-eyed man.
“So, I’m making a deal with the Devil. What will it cost me? My soul?”
“We want you to become the new manager of the Toy Store. You are a very resourceful man. And you have a good heart.”
“And I am due to return to my owl form,” said Eule.
“If I refuse?”
“You have to make the choice, of course. But the job has perks. The spirit life will make you immortal. And Maria and Bonita are both saved.”
“And if I refuse to accept the job, what happens?”
“You trust to luck for the outcome you seek.”
Stanley could do nothing but stand there and try desperately to think.
Stupid Is as Stupid Does
This post is a reprint of the time I set out to become a nudist since I was retired and no longer had to fear what it would do to my career as a teacher.
This is not a tribute to Winston Groom and his famous creation, Forrest Gump. This is an admission that when I have had very little sleep and lots of worry lines on my brow, I often do remarkably stupid things.
And sometimes, doing something monumentally stupid makes me feel better. You know, more a part of the stupid, meaningless, and goofy world around me. So, what stupid thing did I do? I joined a nudist organization’s website. Me, who freaks out when members of my own family happen to see me naked. And, you see, there is more to joining this organization than just signing up for some random thing on the internet where you get a lot of random emails. I had to submit nude photos of myself to be posted in community forums. And I may be able to write a blog for this website, which will mean taking some camping gear and actually going to the naturist club site near Dallas to experience the things I will be writing about… and probably making jokes about. But don’t be afraid of being subjected to the hideous torture of having to see me naked. In order to see any of that, you would have to join the organization yourself, and you are probably not as stupid as me. (But I am not telling you the name of the website anyway.)
This is a detail from an illustration based on Golding’s Lord of the Flies. But it is also a picture of me and a childhood friend from back in the skinny-dipping days, based on an old black-and-white photo.
You see, I have some real life experiences with nudists before this happened. I had a roommate in grad school who liked to go au naturel, and even was comfortable with me being in the room when his girlfriend was visiting. He was nude in the kitchen one time when my grandparents came to visit. It is a good thing my grandfather entered that room ahead of my grandmother. I also had a girlfriend in the eighties who had a sister living in the clothing-optional apartment complex in Austin, Texas. Every time we visited Austin, the city nearest where my parents lived, she would stay with her sister there and I would have to go in to fetch her whenever we had plans. Sometimes I was there just to visit. But always, since clothing was optional, I took that option. I did get used to being around naked people, though. I actually have nudist friends.
So, though I am not a nudist, I guess I already know a lot about how to be one. It is how I managed to stumble into this awkward arrangement.
I know I will never be able to get my wife to go along on this harrowing adventure. She refuses to even consider going nude in the house. She has to wear clothes to bed even though studies say that sleeping nude is good for you. I will be facing this basically naked and alone. And possible paid writing work will never make this worth it by itself.
But my photos are already posted and approved. My membership is a real thing. And I am not ready to shoot myself for this stupid decision. In fact, I will probably be less naked there than I have been here in this very blog where my every secret is laid bare and made fun of on a daily basis.
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Filed under battling depression, commentary, feeling sorry for myself, humor, nudes, Paffooney, self pity, self portrait, strange and wonderful ideas about life
Tagged as bad decisions, humor, naturists and nudists, stupid stuff, stupidity