Dog Thoughts

Jade Monster1

Now that she regularly steals people food from the pantry, Jade the dog is becoming more and more like the human race she wants to be a member of.  Recently she was reading my blog and got the idea that she could write poetry.  So, I was searching for an idea for today’s post and decided I would let her give it a try.  So all of this poetry today will be written by the family dog.

 Introducing Dog Thoughts 

Woof!  Grumph-hak-borph-borph… Rrrr.

Did you get that?  Or do I have to translate everything into your language?

Boofa-Rrrrr.  Bork bork grumph…. okay, we’ll do it your way.

But every time I need to add a tail wag,

Ima gonna go “*************” where each “*” is one wag.

Got it now?  People are so dumb!

Jade girl

The family dog after eating enough potato chips to become all people-y…

It Is a Stinky World!

Ooowow!  I go outside and I can smell dog poop in the park!

The rabbit that lives in the hedge leaves those little round brown things!

I want to put my nose in a pile of those *********!

I like to eat cat droppings, but you have to dig them up *******

And I am deathly afraid of the white cat… it kills and eats rats!

And it’s almost as big as I am

With breath that smells like dead rats

It is a stinky world! *******

Isn’t that great! ********

family dog2

Queen of the Couch

Why do you not understand

That the couch is mine all morning and all afternoon?

I will get off when it’s time to eat

And I will get off when it’s time to go outside

But the rest of the time the couch is mine

So don’t disturb me

Or I’ll pee in your shoes!

Dingledum dog.

Rats Are NOT Our Friends

I smell them more than see them

With rank and nasty sewer smells

And I never, ever catch them

They don’t come ringing bells

And my master puts out poison

Which they eat with garbage sauce

But it only makes them poison-proof

And I am at a loss…

All I do is bark at them

When I smell them in the walls

And my family’s mad at ME

When all the blame and curses fall.

20151224_190445

The Beg-Eye

Do you really not see me here? *****

Here right by your knee? ******

I know you’re eating bacon!  *******

I can smell every bite disappearing! ********

Look into my eyes!  *********

My big, sad dog eyes! **********

Don’t you want to give me some? **********

I  mean, it’s BACON!  ************

**************************************!!!

dogwalk1

I Do Love My Family

I take my beloved family members for walks

Four or five times a day

It keeps them healthy

With cold, wet noses

And shiny coats of fur

And I always make sure they are on the other end of the leash

How else can I guide them, and keep them safe?

From passing cars?

And other dogs?

But I wish they would be patient

when I stop to sniff all the tree trunks and posts

Where I check the messages  from boy dogs

Written in pee

Some of them sure do have healthy bladders!  **************!

8 Comments

Filed under autobiography, family dog, humor, Paffooney cartoony, poetry

8 responses to “Dog Thoughts

  1. A wonderful and very funny story. Thanks for sharing! xx Michael

  2. Rat poison very bad juju. Must not do.

    • I was making the rats happy and fat with the rat poisono. But I put out glue traps and I managed to catch a couple of big Norway boss rats and more of their minions than I can count.

      • Rats eat the poison and the whatever eats the rat dies.

      • I was not eating the rats I poisoned, although the way I write probably makes you believe that I did. I buried them in the retaining wall I was fixing at the time. But in all the time that they were eating the poison I only ever found two. After I learned the hard way that poisoning them is the wrong way to do it, we never let the dog eat them when she killed them in the glue traps. We took them away from her as soon as they were dead. And a lot of them were killed with a hammer to the head. I could never have dealt with rabbits or squirrels that way, but red-eyed Norway rats trapped in glue and ready to bite you get less sympathy.

      • Out here we have a serious mortality problem in our mountain lions and carrion eaters. The rats and squirrels and who knows what else eat the poison bait. The get sick or die and are consumed by everything from house pets to mountain lions. These animals then die.

        https://www.latimes.com/local/lanow/la-me-ln-mountain-lion-dies-rat-poison-20190430-story.html

      • Yes, I was doing it wrong, and I don’t do it that way anymore. The mountain lions in the Dallas suburbs can now feel a little safer. Not much. Just a little.

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