The Dark Side

Every person who is intelligent enough to be self-aware, and that is over ninety percent of all people in spite of Fox News and various extreme religions, has a Dark Side that they are aware of.

And most people are sensible enough to show off the Light Side and keep the Dark Side hidden.

Only fools and geniuses reveal the Dark Side and play down the Light.

I consider myself a fool. Decadent poets like Charles Baudelaire and Paul Verlaine are examples of the geniuses.

Baudelaire himself believed that, “The way down is the way out.” Meaning, I suppose, that you can only be at peace with your personal demons at the bottom of the liquor bottle, the sharp end of the cocaine needle, or the grave.

I myself don’t put the demons forward in drinking or taking drugs. And I am definitely not trying to die young. Instead, I grapple with the Dark Side in fiction where I can kill it with a silver bullet, or pull it down into a pit of computer glitches where it will delete itself.

My personal darkness comes from traumatic experiences in my youth and childhood. I was sexually assaulted as a child and kept it secret for years. I grappled with suicidal thoughts and self harm as a teenager.

So, why am I now thinking about the darkness again?

Well, one of my books is in the process of being read and reviewed at this moment. It is the Baby Werewolf, a book in which I take on the darkness of feeling like I am a monster and only worthy to live in darkness. The story reaches its climax with the firing of a silver bullet.

I wish it was as easy as firing a silver bullet to deal with the Dark Side. It is not. I have fired dozens. Some monsters of the mind are purely bulletproof,

Still, some of my best work only comes about due to the Dark Side. And writing about it is the only way I can control the madness.

2 Comments

Filed under autobiography, monsters, novel writing

2 responses to “The Dark Side

  1. I think everyone has their inner demons. Some demons are worse than others.

    Sometimes the best thing to do is give those demons a sandbox to come out to play. Other times, when a demon rears it’s head my strategy is to involve myself in something unrelated that keeps my mind completely occupied. Over time it becomes less insistent and less emotional. Then I can talk things out with a therapist or someone else who might understand. Yielding to the demon and letting it take over only encourages it.

    Demons have a lot of energy. If you can harness it for something both nondestructive and useful, You have a powerful resource at hand.

  2. My demon died of a heart attack several years ago. But what he did to me when I was ten is something that I overcame even before that. I am at peace with the demons that once were inside of me. What remains of my dark side is the wisdom of Baudelaire, that the way out is the way down. I live in poetry, though I am one of the worst poets who ever wrote a verse.

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