AeroQuest 3… Adagio 14

Adagio 14 – The Battle of Farwind (the Blood-red Thread)

It was amazing to me how few casualties actually occurred in the capture of a planet like Farwind by a handful of commandos led by a traitor.  The Battle of Farwind cost the Imperial Defense Force one traitorous commando commander, six unwilling Imperial loyalists, and fifty-two insanely-programmed Mechanoids.  Our side lost no one at all.  Ninety-two percent of the Imperial forces on the planet switched sides, preferring the command of the charismatic and humble Duke Han Ferrari to the iron-fisted rule of the maniacal Mechanoid Admiral Brona Tang.

Duke Ferrari quickly established a temporarily-appointed government of both like-minded intellectuals and professionals, and highly intelligent and motivated members of the political opposition.  Massive elections were planned and were quickly carried out, but Ferrari rode a wave of popular acclaim into office where they would’ve made him Emperor if he chose, just as George Washington of Earth and Toakenn Ailiannaim of Samothrace had done before him.  He took the office of Farwind Executive Prime, and made the popular alien entertainer William Bugbright his Executive Second.  Bugbright was not a human-born entertainer of aliens, mind you, but a Kritiian, an insectoid alien, that had the head of a giant praying mantis, four chitinous arms, and could play two ukuleles at once while singing popular human songs in a particularly humorous off-key voice.  It is little wonder he was the most popular living entertainer on holographic videos since the Galtorrians first discovered I Love Lucy reruns being broadcast on old-time television signals from the nearby planet Earth.  Galtorrians, and even Galtorrian-human fusions, as you probably already know, love the comedy stylings of Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz more than anything else ever used for entertainment on a thousand worlds.  Incidentally, did you know that the first Galtorrians to land on Earth were surprised to learn that everything on the planet was not colored only in black and white and shades of gray?  They knew about movies and television on their own, but they never actually discovered black and white.  Choosing an entertainer as Executive Second was probably the canniest move that Duke Ferrari made in selecting his new rebel government.  The Galtorrians and the Galtorrian-Human fusions were all enthralled and easily swayed by entertainers, especially those who could handle humor well.  Teachers would never have conquered the Galtorrian Imperium if it hadn’t been for that one factor, humor, and the power of those who are funny.

So, you can see, the conquest of the planet Farwind was easily one of the most confoundingly absurd and easy conquests in recorded history.  It was more amazing than Cortez conquering the Aztec civilization because Cortez lost men and had no visible sense of humor in any form that I can see, and I have been there via time machine, though only to watch from the bushes.

The author of this expert analysis.

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Filed under aliens, humor, novel, novel writing, Paffooney, science fiction

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