Today, while buying food for the dog, I bought another toy. I was going through the bargain shelves at Wal-Mart where the toys that didn’t fully survive the Christmas rush were being sold off at bargain prices. Barbie dolls and girly stuff get opened and trashed far more often than action figures, so that’s exactly what I found. (Okay, not exactly… but it is girly stuff… and it’s enough Barbie-like that I can buy it for the Barbie shelf… unless I have to start calling myself a Brony… oh, shudder… not that!)
Confession time: It is Rainbow Dash, an Equestria Girl doll. (I know, I know… Mutant My Little Pony critters that have been somehow radioactively transformed into a junior-high-type girl-thing/mutant horror. Complete with radioactively enhanced cuteness genes.) And it was not mint in package (the sacred goal of collectors), it was trash that Wal-Mart sold to me instead of throwing her in the garbage. There was damage to the box as some goofy little girl (or even more worrisome, little boy) had tried to pull out pieces to steal. Unlike Pinkie Pie, though, Rainbow still had all her limbs and accessories. Here she is with a relatively unscathed back of the package.
She also has all three attachable/detachable pony tails… but no actual way to attach them to her derriere like a proper pony.
I realize I haven’t yet solved for you the real mystery; “Why did Nutsy Noodle spend money on a garbage-pail, throwaway toy that his beloved daughter, the Princess, is now too old to play with and doesn’t even want?” Well, I collect dolls, you see, and a very valuable part of this purchase was the salvage that laymen (a term that here means “sane people” that don’t buy unwanted toys) don’t realize are valuable.
These little clear-plastic bands can be used in a multitude of ways when displaying the “action figure” in question. They hold plastic phasers in otherwise klunky doll hands. Accessories are held in place. My forty-year-old Captain Action Superman needs them to hold the split in his red, blue, and gold tights together, thus saving his privates (which here means exposed joints) from freezing off. To buy these things separately would cost more than Rainbow Dash cost to rescue from the trash. I salvaged ten of them from her package.
Besides. I had a strange urge to play with her.
No! No! No! It’s not what you are thinking. Besides, you can clearly see that her body is molded with built-in underwear! It’s just that, um, with dolls like this (even G.I. Joe’s when you’re talking twelve-inch), part of the fun is changing their wardrobe. I had to see if I was wrong about the clothing from Skipper and Stacie (Barbie’s Sisters) fitting. And they do.
Isn’t that precious? She flew over to sit on my hat. Of course, Stacie’s friend, Janet, didn’t think so. She is mad and threatens to beat the crap out of Rainbow if she doesn’t get her clothes back. No way will she ever trade for that horrible rainbow-stew-thing of a dress that RD came in. And besides, that dress is only two pieces, and easily copied in some color far less vomit-inducing. Of course, my sewing machine is still quite broken.