A new Sith Lord has arisen to take charge of the new GOP Totally Dominant Empire of Evil. He has successfully usurped the throne of power even though the Democratic candidate actually got over a million more votes than he did.
And one of the most surprising things about it is how accidentally the pieces of the Republican Empire seem to have fallen into place.
Lord Trump has benefitted from several evil and self-serving plots that the Republicans have been advancing since the rule of Lord Darth Ronny. Reagan appointed Scalia of the Many Scales to the Supreme Court. Scalia and Roberts (a minion appointed by Darth George W. the Rodeo Clown) created the Citizen’s United plan to bathe evil candidates in blood money from billionaires. They also conspired to loosen the grip of the Voting Rights Act of 1965 to allow voter suppression to run rampant in places like Florida, Texas, and North Carolina (two of which should’ve gone blue instead of red without the interference). The FBI, led by Republican minion Comey, managed to keep the email scandal alive right up until the very week of the election even though they had to admit no evidence of wrong-doing was ever uncovered. And it seems that the Russian hackery of emails and the publishing of them by Wikileaks might even be connected to statistical anomalies from districts where electronic voting machines were used. Clinton may have lost 30,000 votes dropped by voting machines in Pennsylvania where she lost the State by 27,000.
Of course, the victory conditions were not really set up to benefit Donald Trump. The Republicans had intended all along to get a more competent Sith apprentice into the seat of ascendancy like Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, or even, if forced to, a (shudder) moderate like John Kasich. But Trump used incendiary rhetoric to fill the downtrodden masses who are suffering from the demise of the middle class with hatred and blame-bombs, effectively turning them into a vast army of Trolls. And, unfortunately for the rest of us, Trumpkin Trolls are much better shots than stormtroopers ever were. All that time in the NRA paid off.
So, simply by accidentally taking the power for himself, Lord Trump has killed us all. Yes, I mean literally. He will pull us out of climate-change agreements and revitalize the use of coal to turn this planet into Venus where it is more than 1,000 degrees Fahrenheit on the surface due to rampant greenhouse effects.
And he has plans to put racists, warhawks, misogynists, and criminals in the highest positions of power. If you don’t believe me, investigate the background of Sith Apprentice Steve Bannon even just a little bit. He claims darkness is a good thing.
“Dick Cheney. Darth Vader. Satan. That’s power. It only helps us when they (liberals) get it wrong. When they’re blind to who we are and what we’re doing,” Bannon said in an interview published Friday, his first outside of Breitbart since the election.
http://www.cnn.com/2016/11/18/politics/steve-bannon-donald-trump-hollywood-reporter-interview/
One might imagine that Trump Ice Cream would be Nazi flavored.
I know people who voted for Trump. They are not racists and do not share some of the hateful ideas these Trolls embrace as their own. I imagine they feel betrayed already by Lord Trump. If they don’t, they should.
Trump celebrated his rise to the top of the Sith leadership with a scary Trump-head cake. Presumably during the celebration, at some point, they ate his head.
Catch a Falling Star 
Truly Terrible Trump Tricks
Yep, I have tried thinking about the many uses for barbed wire and dead cats rather than have to think about what Trump has been doing, and it just isn’t working. After looking up the tensile strength of various common barbed wires from different barbed wire companies, I could not find one appropriate for a cat-a-pult, and it turned out that the whole idea was a joke anyway. But he just keeps getting worse.
Here is John Green, an author I love and listen to, explaining the Immigration Boobilly Boo-Boo;
The Trumpinator has gotten the idea that he can hammer the world into a shape he likes using mallet-like executive orders. But no amount of hammering is going to turn the globe into a giant banana. His executive orders are not put through a review process, and so, are often nonsensical, inappropriate, and even dangerous.
The fact that you had to take a moment to decide if you needed to ask me if this photo was real or not tells you a lot about what you already know about Trump. He is petulant. He is childish. He throws tantrums at the drop of a hat, or the smirk of an underling, or the comments of a celebrity… I wonder if he throws tantrums about barbed wire and dead cats?
“Oh, no! Thinking about Trump made me accidentally strangle Mr. Tinkles.”
And even worse are some of the detestable deplorables that he has working for him. A man like Steve Bannon with his Breitbart background and his white supremacist crossword puzzles of racism, antisemitism, and nihilism would never have gotten power in the first place if it hadn’t been for Trump. And now he is at least the second most powerful man on Earth. Arguably, he’s the first, depending on how much his Wormtongue skills are affecting the baby mind of President Babyhands.
So, here is my pitiful attempt at mocking the evil Steve, Darklord Bannon;
I know, the angry eyebrows are simply not enough. Let me try again;
Okay, I know it’s not good enough. I promise you, if I can find a cartoon way to harpoon the great white whale, Moby Steve, I will, and then post it for all to see. I would like to be able to make a single cartoon so snarky that Bannon’s pet snake would drop over dead at the shockwaves from little old Republican ladies laughing at it and changing their opinion of Trump forever. Of course, I know, better cartoonists than I have tried and failed. That doesn’t mean it is not worth the effort.
You have probably discerned by now that I did not vote for Trump. And I have given him more than enough chance to prove what he will do for this country. I will never call him President using his proper name. He is not my president. And I do not want to live in Trump’s idea of America. This I will probably achieve sooner than expected because what he is doing to Obamacare will undoubtedly kill me.
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Filed under angry rant, commentary, grumpiness, humor, Liberal ideas, memes, politics
Tagged as Donald Trump, immigration, politics, Steve Bannon, the power of cartoons.