A new Sith Lord has arisen to take charge of the new GOP Totally Dominant Empire of Evil. He has successfully usurped the throne of power even though the Democratic candidate actually got over a million more votes than he did.
And one of the most surprising things about it is how accidentally the pieces of the Republican Empire seem to have fallen into place.
Lord Trump has benefitted from several evil and self-serving plots that the Republicans have been advancing since the rule of Lord Darth Ronny. Reagan appointed Scalia of the Many Scales to the Supreme Court. Scalia and Roberts (a minion appointed by Darth George W. the Rodeo Clown) created the Citizen’s United plan to bathe evil candidates in blood money from billionaires. They also conspired to loosen the grip of the Voting Rights Act of 1965 to allow voter suppression to run rampant in places like Florida, Texas, and North Carolina (two of which should’ve gone blue instead of red without the interference). The FBI, led by Republican minion Comey, managed to keep the email scandal alive right up until the very week of the election even though they had to admit no evidence of wrong-doing was ever uncovered. And it seems that the Russian hackery of emails and the publishing of them by Wikileaks might even be connected to statistical anomalies from districts where electronic voting machines were used. Clinton may have lost 30,000 votes dropped by voting machines in Pennsylvania where she lost the State by 27,000.
Of course, the victory conditions were not really set up to benefit Donald Trump. The Republicans had intended all along to get a more competent Sith apprentice into the seat of ascendancy like Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, or even, if forced to, a (shudder) moderate like John Kasich. But Trump used incendiary rhetoric to fill the downtrodden masses who are suffering from the demise of the middle class with hatred and blame-bombs, effectively turning them into a vast army of Trolls. And, unfortunately for the rest of us, Trumpkin Trolls are much better shots than stormtroopers ever were. All that time in the NRA paid off.
So, simply by accidentally taking the power for himself, Lord Trump has killed us all. Yes, I mean literally. He will pull us out of climate-change agreements and revitalize the use of coal to turn this planet into Venus where it is more than 1,000 degrees Fahrenheit on the surface due to rampant greenhouse effects.
And he has plans to put racists, warhawks, misogynists, and criminals in the highest positions of power. If you don’t believe me, investigate the background of Sith Apprentice Steve Bannon even just a little bit. He claims darkness is a good thing.
“Dick Cheney. Darth Vader. Satan. That’s power. It only helps us when they (liberals) get it wrong. When they’re blind to who we are and what we’re doing,” Bannon said in an interview published Friday, his first outside of Breitbart since the election.
I know people who voted for Trump. They are not racists and do not share some of the hateful ideas these Trolls embrace as their own. I imagine they feel betrayed already by Lord Trump. If they don’t, they should.