Tag Archives: poetry

On a Frosty Morning

Frosty Morn

Yes, there was frost on the ground in the Dallas suburbs today.  A bit of fog too.  And I mean that both literally and figuratively, in a very Robert Frost-ian sort of way.  The air was clean and cold and crisp for a change.  I could see, hear, breathe, and think well for a change in this gawd-awful city of death and decay.  It was poetically, virtually, and monumentally a moment of clarity… such clarity that only three adjectives could possibly be enough to provide the complex understanding of my Robert Frost moment.

My typical apology for living, and for writing this, and for making you read it comes in the second paragraph today.  You have to forgive me for being so much of an English teacher.  Do you know who Robert Frost is?  Frost is a great american poet who won the Pulitzer Prize for Poetry four times in the 20th Century.  Does that really tell you who Frost is?  Of course not.  Only this does;

The Road Not Taken

a poem by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,,
And that has made all the difference.

Yes, like Robert Frost, I took the road less traveled by in life.  Having a gift for creative writing, drawing cartoons, and generally being seriously silly and obtuse (and claiming that meant I was funny), I chose to not  be a novelist and cartoonist when I was young.  I chose to be a school teacher.  Of course, if you pin me down and ask me, requiring me to answer before you let me up, and threatening to spit on my nose if I don’t answer, I will tell you that God really decided I needed to be a teacher.  After all, I developed arthritis that effected how often and how long I could spend drawing.  I had the usual novelist’s problem of a keen awareness of how to write, and no real life experiences to write about.  But even though it was a holy mission from God, it was my own decision to become a teacher.

And look what I got from it.20150216_152544  This is a picture of Freddy.  I started this picture in 1986, drawing the portrait from a photo and from real life.  Freddy was a vato loco from Cotulla.  He is the sort of kid that teachers dread.  He is the kind that if you let him sit in the back of the room, he will shoot spit-wads into the girls’ hair… but if you put him up front, he is constantly putting on a show, a stand-up-sit-down-again comedy routine for the entire classroom.  And I had the honor of being his favorite teacher both in his seventh and eighth grade years.  He made me laugh almost as much as he was laughing at me.  He claimed he was a Mexican even though he was born in the U.S. and has always lived in the U.S. and if he goes to Mexico, they won’t understand his Texican version of Spanish without an interpreter.  (Now, you probably already know that I never use real names of people I write about in order to protect the innocent… or in Freddy’s case the only-mildly-guilty.  But I haven’t actually revealed his name in this post.  Alfredo Giovanni is such a common name in Texas that you will never be able to find him through research.  And Alfredo Giovanni is a name I made up anyway.)  By the time I actually put the color on this picture, Freddy will no longer look even remotely like this.  He’s in his late forties and Hispanic.  He probably weighs at least ten times what his tiny self did back in 1986.  But I was honored to know him and teach him, even though I have more than a few gray hairs on my head that he specifically caused.

And that brings me to my final movement in this classical opus.  Here is the difference I have made by choosing the path I chose.  Now that poor health has forced me to retire from teaching, and I have a limited time left to me to pick up the novelist/cartoonist thing again, I have done so with passion and insight that I would not otherwise have had.  I have crafted a novel in The Magical Miss Morgan based entirely on my experiences as a classroom teacher.  It is the best thing I have ever written in my life.  And one of the main characters, the rapscallion leader of the Pirates’ Club, Timothy Kellogg… is Freddy in fictional form.556836_458567807502181_392894593_n  Oh, it is true that the character is the son of a high school English teacher in my story, and he does have a lot in common with my own oldest son… but he is actually Freddy.  The things he does and says (translated from Texican into Iowegian) and thinks and feels, are all Freddy.  And how do I know what Freddy thinks and feels?  Come on!  I was Freddy’s favorite teacher.  There is no way I would still be alive and sane unless I could read minds.

Two roads diverge on a frosty morning pathway in the park… One over the bridge into an entirely different life that I didn’t choose… and one that leads straight on into the new dawn… whatever the consequences of following it.

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When Comes the Dawn?

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We never seem to see it coming,

When the dark times are here,

Depression, black… is out of whack,

And everything looks drear…

And then a glimmer… maybe hope?

When will the sun appear?

But gray men in their dread gray suits,

Make the paperwork loom near…

And we must fill out in triplicate,

The forms you sign right here.

This dawn you want is pink and blue?

The proper form, my dear…

Sign it, scribe it, write in ink,

And make no mistake appear

And then you write and write and write…

To make the dawn shine clear.

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I guess the thing to do… sometimes… when everything is going against you, is to write a poem… or take a picture of the sunrise… maybe two.

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Fog in the City (a melancholy poem)

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It doesn’t come in on cat feet.

That’s probably Chicago you’re thinking of.

It comes in on the sound of screeching tires…

and ambulance sirens…

because of all the idiot drivers…

in their silver-gray WASP rockets…

that don’t know how to slow down…

or turn on their low beams…

for safety in the big, cold city of Dallas…

where the air is yellow…

except in the fog…

and rush, rush, rush…

business never waits…

for a foggy day.

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Baring the Soul of Creativity

CreativitySo, I finished the Paffooney pencil drawing that I was working on to illustrate my struggles with the creative act.  I can noodle on the piano to some effect, but I cannot play Chopin’s Prelude in E Minor the way the boy (or is it a girl?) in the picture is doing it.  What I can do is create a symphony of words and pictures that reveal my inner self as thoroughly as if I were performing naked in front of the audience.  So what you see here is not the real naked me.  It is, rather, my naked thoughts, my soul, the beauty that is hidden inside my hideously aged and peeling flesh.  Inside my mind is beauty and rhythm and rhyme…  On the inside you can see what is there without the usual patina of pain and depression and pessimistic pondering.  I have explained the naked piano player, but you may be wondering still about the butterfly.  You see, long ago when I was a butterfly hunter, I longed to catch the tiger swallowtail that flitted about our back yard and played about the neighbors’ hollyhocks.  It was a very elusive butterfly, you see.  Monarchs and red admirals, mourning cloaks, fritillaries, painted ladies, and even spicebush swallowtails I had captured and mounted in my butterfly box.  But never the tiger.  He always seem to flit too high above my net at the last moment.  I would see him towards the tops of towering maples, but rarely within reach, and never long enough to grab him in my net.  So, one day, I was sitting under the little maple in the back yard, reading a book, when the tiger swallowtail came to light on the back of the hand I used to hold my book.  Now, I could have grabbed him right there.  I would have been victorious.  But in clapping my left hand over him to capture him, his wing dust might have smeared, or his lovely wings might’ve cracked and broken.  I had to make an instant decision.  I chose to let him flutter away.  I did not crush the butterfly, and so… my life, my art, my inner self have all benefited.  To this day I can say… “I did not crush the butterfly” and that has made me who I am.

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A Poem Is…

When you try to create a poem,

You find out that it is…

A cry of rage…

From your very soul…

Or a deep-bellied laugh…

From your very soul…

Or an untamable sadness and tears…

From your very soul…

And you cannot help but put it into words…

From your very soul.

Poem Is

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A Poem Is…

When you try to create a poem,

You find out that it is…

A cry of rage…

From your very soul…

Or a deep-bellied laugh…

From your very soul…

Or an untamable sadness and tears…

From your very soul…

And you cannot help but put it into words…

From your very soul.

Poem Is

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The Butterfly

 

 

 

 

 

 

When I was but a child, a butterfly landed on my hand.  I wanted to capture it.  But I knew, if I closed my hand fast enough to snatch it out of the air as it tried to escape, I would utterly smash it.  The important thing, the most important thing still until this very day, is that I let it fly away.  I did not crush the butterfly.

(Not exactly a poem, but not prose either…)

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Laughing Blue

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Griselda by Maxfield Parrish

One of the most beautiful things I have ever seen in the art world are the paintings of Maxfield Parrish.  That’s why this post needs to be about his work instead of mine.  He made his mark painting ads for tire companies and on the ends of orange crates.  The secret to his melancholy beauty is the cobalt blue underpainting he always did.  Of course, the dominant color over all is a ghostly, iridescent blue.  It fills his paintings with quiet grace and powerful emotions.  I love that laughing blue quality more than any other thing I’ve ever seen in the realm of art.
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I love to use the term “laughing blue”.  It’s an oxymoron that sums up me better than any other descriptive phrase.  It is the laughter that goes on so long and so hard that it causes tears, and at the same time it is the sobbing that eventually becomes uncontrollable laughter.  Sweet-sad  feelings of  love and longing,  piles  of  smiles  that  stretch  for  miles.  Nothing is better or wiser or more filled with life.

 There was the time when the church youth group put on the Halloween Carnival.  I had won a blue, helium-filled balloon at the ball toss when beautiful Alicia was watching.  She smiled at me.  It was such a perfect moment that I had to savor it the best I could.  I gave my friend six tickets to put me in jail.  It was two tickets to get in.  Someone had to pay four tickets to get you out.  Tickets were a nickel each.  I figured my friend would leave me in there for a while so I could just sit and contemplate that balloon. I was right.  Mark spent the four tickets at the cake walk.  He won a cake.

In the jail was a little boy, the son of the local barber, who had a bright red balloon.  His mother had put him in the jail as a joke.  He was four years old, I believe, about the same as my little brother David.  His name was Tommy.  Some laughing-jackal teenage boys came past the jail.  One of the doody-heads had a safety pin.  Bang!  The red balloon was no more.  The high school doody-heads took off cackling with glee.  Tommy burst out in tears for his lost balloon.  His mother, outside the chicken-wire cage, was beside herself, pleading for the gatekeeper to open up and let her boy out.  Several church ladies zoomed in to see what they could do.  My mother was one of them.  Before they could get into the cage, however, I solved the problem by giving him my blue balloon.  His mother never saw, never realized he had been upset by the loss of his balloon.  She didn’t notice that the balloon he was holding when he left the cage was different than the one he took in.  It didn’t matter.  No one needed to know the sacrifice I made that night.

Later, at home, I cried.  Yes, I know I was twelve years old and too big to cry about a lost balloon.  But it wasn’t really that anyway.  It was that feeling that filled me up.  It was gladness that I had seized the moment to be unselfish and kind though somehow no one else knew it.  It was sorrow over the loss of my connection to that moment when she smiled at me.  It was beauty caused by ugliness.  It was Laughing Blue.

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The innocent sylph bends down to wake her sister, the sleeping nymph.  The morning has broken on a new day.  The painting has existed since the 1920’s, probably his most famous work of all.  He worked from a photograph to paint it.  Several photographs, in fact.  Wouldn’t the authorities be upset now, this man painting a naked girl?  Artist or no, it could look like pornography to many in this day and age.  Ironically, though, the nude person in the photo he used as a model was himself.  It was only a matter of the play of light over the bare form.  It was a matter of innocent yet sensual beauty.  It was a matter of Maxfield Parrish Blue.  The painting itself is far more subtly blue than it appears here.  It is laughing blue.  It is a mix of youth and grief, the birth of the new dawn and the ancient jagged hills behind.  It is flowers and parched rock, waking and dreaming.  The art of it is in the opposition of things, what Confucius meant when he taught of the Yin and the Yang, what Lao Tzu spoke of in the Book of the Tao.  Yes, it was Laughing Blue. 

I wish I had the talent to paint like Maxfield Parrish.  I loved his magazine illustrations and his faery-tale characters.  I loved everything of his I have ever seen, and I have dug up a lot.  He was a prolific artist.  Almost everything he painted is from before I was born.  He died not long after I came into this world.  I am sad that he can paint no more for me, yet I can’t imagine anything he could do that is better than what I’ve already seen.

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In the book The Little Prince the fox says, “It is only by the heart that we can see rightly.  What is essential is invisible to the eye.”  How true that is!  We cannot describe in words the beauty we see in these works of art.  We cannot explain why it is there.  But we know it when we see it.  It is Laughing Blue.

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Open the Golden Door

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This postable Paffooney is really not so wonderfully postable.  It got a little bit moisture damaged in the garage where I found it improperly stored.  It is an oil painting from before I had a family of my own back in the 1980’s.  It is called Madonna of the Golden Door.  The girl is my sister, the younger of my two sisters.  The boy is one of my favorite students from the 1980’s, one I fed and helped raise in addition to being his teacher for two years.
This painting inspired the following silly free verse poem;

Open the Golden Door 

Can a man…

Love a boy?

Not a son,

Not a nephew,

Not an in-law…

Just a boy?

Not for lust,

Not for profit,

Not for gain,

But for the gift…

Of being able…

To teach,

To learn,

To coach,

To cheer,

To mentor,

To shadow,

To see,

To feel,

To reach,

To hug?

Simply to love?

I would say yes…

But what do I know?

I am only a…

Teacher,

Author,

Poet,

Painter,

Wizard,

Instructor,

Confidante,

Mentor,

And Friend.

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One Blue Night

One Blue Night

I was always the one on the outside looking in. The sad fact is, all of us who are too creative and sensitive for our own good feel that way. We wish we had what see in there, but miss the beauty inherent in being on the outside. Stalker… peeping faun… magical wishes… and dreams in the dark blue of the night.

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February 7, 2014 · 3:35 am