I had a terrible month in January. The dentist, in love with causing pain, yanked an infected and broken molar out of my head. The procedure lasted more than an hour beyond the usual time. That by itself put me out of business for January. But, two weeks into the month, my wife brought home a strain of regular flu from her teaching job and gave it to me. And as the flu was ending two weeks later, I passed at least two, and maybe four, kidney stones. Which immediately led to a severe urinary tract infection that had me taking the strongest antibiotic I have ever taken in my life. A fly tried to land on the top of my head. It immediately fell to the floor dead. The antibiotic was that strong. Now, tomorrow, it starts again. The dentist will yank out another broken molar on the other side of my stupid head.
So, I have been laid up and unable to do anything but draw, watch tv, and doomscroll.
The butterfly picture is loosely based on a photo of a spicebush swallowtail butterfly, turning brown into yellow for a very bumblebee vibe. the other two drawings were straight-up doodles drawn from a picture in my stupid brain. All three were enhanced by AI Mirror before publication. Arthritis in the fingers, you know.
But the doom-scrolling thing is an exercise in horror and crushing pains from liberal levels of empathy. Canadians are shocked and horrified that the Pumpkinhead President has declared economic warfare on them with 25% tariffs on everything imported from Canada. He also has the Danish President and the Mexican President preparing for war and trying desperate negotiations to turn away Pumpkin’s wrath.
I got to see a panicky little Hispanic girl crying and pleading because she came home from school to find that ICE had taken both her parents as undocumented immigrants. She was homeless and defenseless. And cruel white people who consider themselves superior to this little girl talked about how her parents got what they deserved for being criminals.
Make no mistake about it. Immigrants are NOT criminals. Being in this country without documents is a civil misdemeanor. The immigration system throws huge roadblocks in the way of immigrants who have the bad sense to choose to live in the wrong colored skin. My wife is an immigrant from the Philippines. After we were married, she lived in this country via green card for more than 25 years. That’s how hard it is unless you are from someplace white like Norway or England or Russia. At any point along the way she could have lost the green card for some technicality, and then she would’ve been in the same situation as the Hispanic girl’s parents. My kids have birthright citizenship like the Bozo in Chief has promised to de-citizenize.
He plans to do away with the Department of Education completely.
I find myself, as an atheist, praying to God after every doom-scrolling session that Pumpkinheads can have fatal strokes or heart attacks. And that a magic couch that can take revenge will eat the VP whole. And that the Speaker of the House sees a porn site on his son’s computer, which makes his flattop head explode. (That, of course, won’t kill him. Cockroaches can live without a head for weeks until they starve to death because they no longer have a mouth.)
I need to stop doom-scrolling.
Catch a Falling Star 
Dancing With Alan Watts
It seems sometimes, in a Judaeo-Christian society, that we are a constantly being scrutinized by a rather harsh all-knowing God who rewards getting the faith-words accurately correct, to the letter, and the faith-based actions perfect, without a single mistake. And He punishes missteps of word or deed with pain and suffering and the potential of an eternity in Sheol or Hell. And that is a tough God to live with. He is like a teacher who uses his or her God-like powers to reward or punish to lead his students all down an exacting, narrow path to a destination that does not have room for everyone when they arrive.
It doesn’t take long in childhood for a highly intelligent person to realize before childhood is over that this cosmology is actually a load of horse pucky. It didn’t even take long for somebody as semi-stupid as me.
What I like about listening on YouTube to Alan Watts’s wisdom is that he gives us an alternative way of seeing the universe and ourselves. This he can offer through his studies of Eastern and Buddhist philosophies. Everything appealing in John Lennon’s signature song, “Imagine,” comes from Lennon’s love of listening to Alan Watts’ lectures. He is obviously a wise guy.
Alan Watts teaches us the pathways that lead to finding yourself, who you truly are, and how you fit into the universe as a whole. When Carl Sagan says that we are all made of star-stuff, he is not only telling us what is literally true, as the elements our bodies were formed from were literally made in the nuclear forges at the centers of stars that later exploded in nova bursts to scatter the elements across the skies of everywhere. He is also telling us that what Alan Watts says is metaphorically true, that everything in the universe is part of the same thing and we are all one in this way.
There is plenty to worry about in my little life. I could easily drop dead at any time from any one of my six incurable diseases or even the return of the skin cancer I beat in 1983. I suffer from the consequences of disease daily, as I have for many years now. My sins are many. I broke my promise the other day to never show you the horrors of my naked body on this blog. I constantly eat the wrong thing and continue to do things that I know are bad for the environment and the health of my body. I am prejudiced against racists, stupidity, and the actions of dedicated Trump-lovers. In many ways I deserve God’s wrath and brutal correction. I have come to truly believe that climate change is going to end life on Earth. I am horrible.
But I have learned from Alan Watts that all of those concerns mean nothing. I don’t believe in Heaven or an afterlife. But I do not fear death. I am one with the universe. And the universe goes on even if I do not. And I will always be a part of it, even after I am no longer alive. The universe has a mind and is intelligent And I take part in that because one small part of that intelligence is me, and lives in my head.
There is comfort to be found in the words of Alan Watts. And living in pain as I do, I really need that comfort most of the time. That is why I have attempted to share a bit of that comfort with you.
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Tagged as Alan Watts, meditation, mindfulness, philosophy, spirituality