All you people who’ve never set foot in a classroom where someone has announced to the world that you are a teacher, especially a middle school classroom, have absolutely no idea what teaching really is like. Even some of you who are teachers and sincerely believe that you control behavior in a classroom, especially a middle school classroom, are amazingly deluded.
For example, take the pictures we normally look at and think, “Oh yes, that is what a classroom looks like.” A picture like this;
This is, of course, total fiction. These kiddos were bribed to raise their hand for the picture. There is no question in the brain of any teacher anywhere in the world that can make all of these kids raise their hands at once. Even if you say, “Who wants chocolate?” some of the students will not raise their hands because they will think, “I have to do something to earn the chocolate, and if I have to do something, it probably involves thinking, and thinking is the last thing that they can trick me into doing.” Of course, if you ask, “Who thinks I’m the worst teacher you ever had?” then only the kid who expects to get a perfect grade and is not willing to put that at risk will not raise a hand. When you ask a question in a classroom, you are more likely to get no hands raised at all. Teacher supervisors and principals always say that you have to give them enough “think-time”, but whatever that is, it is not something that students actually do.
Another thing that people don’t generally realize is demonstrated in this next picture. But look at it very carefully;
This is total fiction. You can’t teach from technology. First of all, nothing ever works. You have to spend all your class time debugging crashed systems, re-connecting to the internet, and monitoring student’s screens. You can’t teach them anything. The boys will be secretly downloading porn and the girls will all be sneaking One Direction’s songs onto the task bar. Learning only happens on the internet independently of the teacher. It is not something you can either plan or control. Teaching really only happens with a teacher talking and kids being allowed to respond… call the teacher names… reveal how to say bad words in Spanish and other languages… discuss sex and video games… you know, actual learning.
The last reveal for today is a truth concealed in a lie. Administrators always say, “We’re in it for the kids,” which typically means we are doing it for the money and don’t give the administrator a hard time about any difficult or impossible thing they expect us to do in the classroom. But this lie is ironically true. If you are a real teacher, you have to care about individual kids. You have to let them use you and abuse you, talk about themselves, and minimize the amount of time they actually have to listen to you as you ultimately solve their impossible, life-threatening problems.
So, there you have it… secrets learned from thirty-one years of teaching revealed for free. But believe me, I do have a book in mind.
Catch a Falling Star 