Today I bought a used car from the people who rented me the chibi clown car after my poor little pony was murdered while parked in front of my house. (Murdered in a sense that the drive-by crasher broke its leg, and you shoot a pony with a broken leg, which my auto insurance cold-heartedly did for me.) So last week the auto insurance sent me a check to cover the purchase of a used-car replacement. The auto insurance put my wife’s name on the check even though it was not on the title of the car or on the bank account I am now using for my retirement money. So, when I tried to draw out the money for the down payment, the lovely bankers told me there was a problem with the check. Even though my wife endorsed it and they put it into my account, I could not withdraw it again because my wife’s name on there turned it into a third-party check. Apparently her signature isn’t proof enough that she agrees I get to spend that money on a car. The banker said they have to have her fingerprint and a copy of her driver’s license. She, of course, is out knocking on doors as a Jehovah’s Witness and they couldn’t do anything anyway since today is Saturday and not technically a business day. So I went to buy the car without the down payment, which it turns out is okay because the car I want to buy is in Independence, Missouri. It will take seven to ten days for it to arrive. Oh, and there is a transportation fee to get the car from there to here, and an insurance deductible, and fees of all sorts like title and license, so that my $10,000 used car is actually going to cost more like $15,000 by the time it is paid off, almost as much as the car that was destroyed which was nearly paid off after five years. So, bankers, car dealers, rental car people, and insurance people are all happy with their respective profits in the ordeal, and I still have to drive the chibi clown car for another week (which I must pay for myself). I really don’t have to write any new jokes to make this post humorous. Existential irony has pretty much taken care of that.
Catch a Falling Star 