It is raining again in Texas, and cold enough to make the leaves turn red and yellow and orange. The cracked and useless swimming pool is filled with rain water. The sky is gray. El Niño is here for a visit. And he is not a well-behaved little boy.
I am confined indoors again by arthritis pain and breathing difficulties. But I don’t mind. I can travel by the wings of my imagination. Things in my world are soaring once again amongst the clouds… and dancing like kites in the wind.
I have not taken any depression medication in six months, and I seem to be happier for it. We have hot chocolate to drink and… mmm… pumpkin pie. The cool winds are a reminder of what is was like as a boy in Iowa in the 60’s and 70’s. Thanksgiving now past… Christmas coming… I haven’t celebrated those holidays in 20 years, my wife being a Jehovah’s Witness, and I myself still identified with the congregation… even though my faith is somewhat stumbled… not in God himself, but in how men make pronouncements about what to think and what to say and who to be… in the name of magical rewards that the universe is not capable of delivering. No higher power will step in to rescue us from our fears and misfortune. That is not what God is there for. He does not ask for slavish devotion, or rituals, or the sacrifice of your firstborn son. That is superstition. He only offers the chance to live, and laugh, and… love. It is the only reward I need. I do not fear the coming winter. The weather may erode my mountain fortress and the rains may eventually make the rivers of life to drown me, but I have lived, and loved, and laughed. And not even God can take that away.
I am sorry if this sounds somber and depressed to you. I hear a different music than that. I hear a resounding joy. And even if I die right this minute, I am happy, for all is complete. “Whether or not it is clear to you… the universe is unfolding as it should.” (The Desiderata by Max Ehrmann)