
I like to doodle and draw as I watch TV. This I did while watching the Iowa State Championship Games for high school girls’ softball. I guess I had unicorns on the brain.

I like to doodle and draw as I watch TV. This I did while watching the Iowa State Championship Games for high school girls’ softball. I guess I had unicorns on the brain.
Here’s a wacky notion that deserves a second visit.
If there is a Church of Sacred Landscapes then Bob Ross is its Jesus Christ. That is not a sacrilegious statement of bizarre cult-mindedness. Painting is a religion that has its tenets. And Bob Ross explained to us the will of God on his painting show on PBS. All the illustrations used in this post come from the Facebook page Joy of Painting with Bob Ross. All the wisdom comes from things the Master said on the show.


Bob Ross was the prophet of the paintbrush. He would present us with a lightly prepared canvas at the beginning of the show and then proceed on camera to take his brush and palette knife, and all his paints, and create a piece of the world before our very eyes. And he was not Picasso or Van Gogh or even Norman Rockwell. He was not a talented artist, but rather a…
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Superman has his Fortress of Solitude. Batman has his Batcave. Every Superhero needs a place of his own to reflect on the trials and struggles of the never-ending battle for truth and justice and the American way. I achieved another dawn today, waking up at sunrise on Grandpa Aldrich’s farm place. It is for me a place of safety and quietude where I can rest and regenerate, plan, plot, and create the story of my life.

It is a place far older than me, a family farm that has been in the family for more than 100 years. It connects me to the past and the people who’ve come before me, not only the family I have known and loved, but those who came before them that were gone before I was born.

It is possible that it is unwise to reveal my secret lair and my connections to such an important place. Will my enemies take advantage of the fact? No, probably not. Most of my enemies are ignorant people who do not read, and so, will never uncover this secret I have now shared with you.
Filed under autobiography, commentary, family, homely art, humor, Iowa, photo paffoonies, self portrait

Canto 31 – Gaijin
In Japanese the name Gaijin means “foreigner” or “gringo”. It denotes a barbarian who is too close to nature to truly ever understand the ways of the celestial culture of the dragons. It was an appropriate name for the planet. All who came there, even the dolphins and whales, were foreigners and off-worlders. The true culture was a secret deeply embedded in the planet itself.
Dr. Naylund Smith was an immortal. He had lived on 17th Century Earth and been among the first explorers to leave the planet in space craft stolen from the invading Tellerons. He had met the original Sylvani, and loved them as a people. He used his vast knowledge and medical skill to help them evolve into the people they were now. He and his young daughter, Sara, were standing outside the Celestial City of Kiro as the spacecraft Megadeath touched down on the plains outside the Dragon Wall. They watched the sleek war machine settle gracefully to the soil where no starship had been for nearly 800 years. It was with a mixture of emotions that he watched it. He knew that the ship carried what his daughter needed most. He also knew that it would bring an end to the peace and unspoiled beauty of the world of Gaijin.

“Daddy, are they bad men?” asked eight-year-old Sara. Her blond hair fell golden and beautiful over one eye. Her little-girl body was nearly lost in the graceful white silk kimono she wore.
“No, Sweet One. They are good.”
“Why are you so sad, then?”
“Because they bring the White Spider back to us. Things will change here. The Gaijin I love will be no more.”
“The White Spider from the stories? That should be exciting, shouldn’t it?”
“Perhaps.”
The little girl put her soft hand into the gnarled old turkey claw that was Naylund’s hand. He was comforted by the gesture.
The starship touched down in sight of the Dragon Gate. The town was surrounded by an ornately carved wall that was shaped like a dragon’s body. The only entrance was through the Dragon Gate, the open mouth of an ornately carved Celestial Dragon. The city was secured behind the energy barrier created by the Sylvani Technology in the wall itself. Naylund would have to escort whoever was inside the space ship through the Dragon Gate, because he did not wish them to run afoul of either the Gate Guards or the ancient energies of the wall itself. Only those with proper chi, like himself, could pass through unchallenged.
He walked out to meet them.
The first down the starship’s exit ramp was obviously an Earther by heritage. His skin was pink like Naylund and Sarah’s skin, not yellow or orange like the Gaijinese. The boy that followed the man in the fedora hat, though, was a Nebulon, blue-skinned and yellow-haired. The boy looked Naylund directly in the eye, and revealed himself as a telepath by doing so. Naylund was not a Psion himself, but had come to know them because Sarah was a telepath, born of a Psion mother who died mysteriously during the birth.
“So,” said Naylund, extending a hand in a gesture of welcome, “welcome to the planet, Gaijin, Honored White Spider.”
“Why do you call me that?” asked the sharp-eyed man in the fedora hat. “I am Ged Aero. I am here because a Psion told me to come. I don’t know you. Why do you call me by that name that I’ve been hearing so much lately?”
“I hate to be the one to break it to you, Ged Aero, but by stepping out of that starship, you have fulfilled an 800-year-old prophecy. The people here will hail you as a god reborn. You are like Jesus Christ to them. You are here to teach them, and lead them out of their millennium of isolation.”
“Perhaps you are mistaken. What if I am not the White Spider you seek?”
Naylund laughed. “Shan’s Prophecy tells how you would speak those very words when you arrived here. The people would not follow a White Spider that never doubted himself and acted without reserve. Those are the qualities of a Black Spider. We have too many of them all ready.”
Ged looked the old man in the eye. Naylund could see something there he had never seen before. This man was a different sort of Psion. He was a changer, one who could change himself, and by doing so, change the worlds around him.
“Exactly who are you, old man?” asked Ged.
“I am Naylund-sensei. Naylund Charles Smith, Doctor, Adventurer, and Scholar. I am from Earth, but from long, long ago. Ged-kun, I will help you in your new role as leader of this planet. I pray that you will learn to love it as I do.”
“Naylund-sensei?” said the little blue boy, “who is this lovely girl?”
Naylund looked at the bright-eyed boy. He was a handsome child with the beautiful powder-blue skin of a superior race of beings. Naylund felt attraction to him immediately, though he had no idea yet why.
“This is my daughter, Sara Smith. I pray that you both will learn to love her too, just as I do.”
Filed under aliens, humor, novel, NOVEL WRITING, Paffooney, science fiction

This is a picture of U.S. Highway 3 headed west towards Rowan, Iowa. I painted this oil painting in Texas as part of a longing to go home to Iowa. I am home now for a week. I will try to make the most of my time here.
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On the road to Eagle Grove, Iowa, site of the 2018 Wright County Fair
Yesterday we went to the Wright County Fair as it winds down on the last weekend. My daughter and I went with my mother and father, all of us not ready to run any foot races, in fact, looking forward to viewing the small fair at a snail’s pace, two of us walking with canes.

It has always been a small county fair. But it has become almost depressing to see how much it has shrunk since I was a kid and competed there. Of course the beneficent pumpkinhead that runs the country now has put a cloud over it all by cutting off farmers’ primary markets in the trade war with China. Soon there may be no agriculture community at all to celebrate with a county fair.

The Iowa Township Hawkeyes Club that I used to be a part of

We toured the 4-H projects exhibit building and saw all the baking, woodworking, photography. and sewing projects that the kids in 4-H had worked on all year. As always they were impressive in the way that enthusiastic kid-work inevitably is. But it was depressing to see that there are only three 4-H clubs in Wright County now where once there were seven. The elderly viewers of the goings-on outnumbered the kids about two to one. Iowa’s farm community population is getting older and older. Schools are shrinking. People per county numbers are declining too.
But as depressing as the long-range view is, the County 4-H program is still giving kids a firm farm-kid grounding in the values that made America great. It proves that pumpkinheads don’t need to try to make it great again.

It is important to celebrate who we are and what we do. Especially in a time when a tractor-and-cornfield way of life seems doomed. And a county fair does that. I helps us define who we are, what values we hold dear, and who we are determined to be for as long as we can be that.
I was once an avid reader of the Sunday Funnies. I loved the madcap world of Dogpatch, Lil’ Abner, Mammy Yokum, and all. I also loved Pogo and his creator, Walt Kelly, but I’m sure you probably realized that already. I believe I basically grew up in Dogpatch. Rowan, Iowa is a small rural farm town. Romance is basically a matter of running away from the girls and eventually tiring out enough to get caught and married. I was a good athlete as a kid, probably why I didn’t get married until I was thirty-eight. More than one of the old church ladies was a Mammy Yokum. They fought the good fight for what is right by using a fast fist, a good dose of tonic, and an imperious, “I have spoken!” I married a woman like that. I had a Great Grandma that even looked like Mammy Yokum. There…
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Impossibly Positive
(a poem about positive people)
Oakie Doak was a positive man,
Who smiled as much as any man can,
And said nice things to girls and boys,
And sour-faced men he often annoys.
The whole Doak family always feel fine,
At tables all made with both oak and pine.
But scammers from Nigeria
Took every dime anywhere near ya,
And the IRS did charge him double
In fines they argued were for the trouble
He caused accountants in adding for
The many dollars he had no more,
Doak told his wife, “No problem, Honey,
We still have love, and it’s only money.”
And when the people he loved had died,
He simply said, “I’ve always tried
To make the best of the time we had,
And the memories will always make me glad.”
Oakie Doak is disgustingly happy
And decidedly stupid and also sappy.
But he lives his life on a positive whim,
And, of course, I really wish I was him.

Yesterday I drove for 14 hours from Texas to Iowa to see my folks. (For those who monitor this blog because they are burglars planning to break in to steal my collection of Barbie dolls, I left family members at home, including the family dog who is incredibly fierce and has eaten Barbie burglars before… and has learned to love the taste.)
But I missed the window of opportunity to accomplish what I really wanted from this trip. If I had had a choice, I should’ve come up to Iowa for the July 4th holiday when my Iowa/Missouri family would’ve all been together. So this will be a vacation about connecting with home without most of the people who make up that home. Both of my octogenarian parents are still alive and living here in what was once my grandparent’s farm house.
So I have about nine more days to rest and recuperate. I can reconnect with my parents (though probably not run races against them). I can reconnect with the places where I grew up and got my education. The farm house. The family photos from black-and-white days. I have access to things of the past more than things of the present. So, if my posts upcoming seem like time travel, that’s because they are. Time to make my way home again.
Filed under autobiography, humor, Uncategorized
Painting on the Rocks
The Rowan Public Library has a storm sewer drain near the parking area on the west side of the building. How do you prevent cars from parking on top of it and risking significant damage to two different things? The librarian’s solution? Make a rock garden around it so that only extremely stupid people would still consider parking there. And what better summer activity than to invite kids and senior citizens to come in and paint the rocks for decoration’s sake.
The goofy spotted frog and the Star Wars rebel flying goose are the rocks that I chose to paint. You can see that I had more fun than I did artistic epiphanies. But that is the thing about art. Bob Ross says that it can bring good things to your heart. And it does even more so when you share it with kids and other people.
So I had a relatively good time just painting rocks for fun and cracking simple, stupid jokes to make little kids laugh.
Mom had fun painting flowers and smiling suns on a rock next to her good friend Annie and Annie’s great grandson. You see them in this picture taken by the little boy’s grandmother.
And my daughter really got invested in the zen experience of putting paint on rocks. She took the longest of anybody to finish her second rock. And, of course, her little dragon-obsessed creation was easily the best one of the day.
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Filed under artwork, autobiography, coloring, commentary, family, goofiness, homely art, photo paffoonies, strange and wonderful ideas about life