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AeroQuest 3… Canto 88

Canto 88 – Monkey Men (the Green Thread)

Lemurians were shaped like human children except for the thumbs on each foot and the long prehensile tail.  Most sentient aliens and Unhumans treated them like mere animals mostly because they wore no clothing and spoke no discernable language. Of course, nakedness made them much more like the Classical Worlders rather than apes.  They were covered in soft tan and chocolate fur, but it covered up no more of their bodies than the oil that a naked athlete from the planet Mantua might wear. 

And lack of language didn’t necessarily make them any less of a person than the vast numbers of humans that fell under the general heading of “stupid people”.  Emperor Slythinus, though, the deposed Emperor of the Galtorr Imperium, had discovered a telepathic ability that he shared with the monkey people.  He called it the “shining” because it was more a matter of reading colored auras and electrical impulses around the monkey people than reading actual words from their minds.  It was a primitive brain-to-brain language that served as a sort of pre-telepathy.  It allowed him to translate for the Lemurian people.

Ookah, the Lemurian leader, now stood in front of King Killer, Dr. Hooey, and Slythinus naked as the day he was born and radiating green-colored lies.

“How could you not tell me about this?” raged Slythinus.  “You have been my most trusted friend.  Better than my top advisors on Galtorr.”

The monkey man shined an answer that was intended to be soothing and conciliatory, but ended up being a transparent form of lie.

The blind Emperor turned to King Killer and Dr. Hooey.  “They found the device when they first came through,” he said, interpreting.  “They found it from the other side because they did not originate here.  Ookah and his friends sought to keep the knowledge of it from me because they feared I would be hurt by the place’s guardian, some villain they “shine” at me as being a “white man”.”

“Interesting!” cooed Hooey.  “These little monkey people have developed a real fondness for you, a man mostly snake by nature.  Tell me, did you have your eyes when you first met them?”

“No, of course not!  Prince Ali blinded me before he marooned me here.”

“I wonder if they would’ve had an atavistic fear of those eyes if they had seen them.”

“What I want to know,” said King Killer, “…is where is the dang thing, and how do we use it?”

Slythinus took a moment to “shine” back at Ookah.  The little simian looked quite agitated as the answer came back.

“He says he will take us to the place.  He has no other way to tell us.”

Ookah turned and gestured to the monkey people who surrounded the tree house sitting in each and every one of the trees around it.  They began jumping up and down on branches and shouting raucously, sounding more like upset children than alien primates.  Eerily, it almost sounded like a series of swear words.

“They don’t like it,” interpreted Slythinus, “but they promise to take us there and help us defeat the white man.”

“Natives defeating the white man?” said King dubiously.  “That doesn’t sound like something that happens too often in History.”

Hooey laughed aloud.  “Now the skeptic thinks he knows History better than a Time Knight!  Wait and see.  And remember the Little Bighorn.”

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Old Timey Stuff

Here’s a nostalgia post from four years ago, when I was older and more mature than I am now. Wait… What did I say just now?

authormbeyer's avatarCatch a Falling Star

Okay, here is something to look at if you are ridiculously old and out of date like me.  If you have read any of the doll collecting posts or the Pez dispenser posts I am constantly and obsessively posting, then you know I have hoarding disorder almost as bad as my Grandma Beyer, the old string-saver.  She had a collection of used Christmas wrapping paper in her basement that went back to the 1930’s.  It cost her nothing to collect and keep that hoard.  She merely had to be loony about never letting anyone tear their wrapping paper when she wrapped presents.  So, inspired by that, I have found many ways to collect and hoard many kinds of free collections.  This is one I keep on my computer, hijacked images from the internet that remind me of my past.

I’m sorry if you don’t know who or what some of…

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May 11, 2020 · 7:32 pm

Star Dancing with Lizard People

The book I am talking about here is now available on Amazon.

authormbeyer's avatarCatch a Falling Star

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the picture above : Davalon and Farbick near Mars (by Leah Cim Reyeb)

I am constantly bubbling over with ridiculous ideas and dreams.  After writing the book Catch a Falling Star, I was asked by an editor what happens next to some of the characters.  The Morrell family, changed into children, travel into space with the Tellerons aboard Xiar’s Base Ship.  Harmony Castille, the elderly church lady who falls in love with the Telleron Commander Biznap marries him and travels with the aliens too.  The task; find a new home world and start a mixed civilization.  Since the aliens have no inherent religion or morality, it falls to the humans on board to make Christian values the norm for the Telleron frog people.  That is a challenge old church ladies can’t resist, but also can’t manage without help.

So what can I do with this story?  Where can…

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The Ixcanixian Interstellar Bad Poetry Challenge

To celebrate the publishing of another novel by Mickey that no one will ever buy and read, here is a reblogging of the Bad Poetry Contest for which I was once the sole Earth-human purveyor of (and managed to remain un-disintegrated for by interstellar police forces).

authormbeyer's avatarCatch a Falling Star

A while back I transmitted a weird alien poetry contest through this blog to the people of Earth.  It was a contest for bad poetry.  And obviously we only write good poetry on this planet as no entries from the native clothes-wearing primates of this planet were submitted.  If you are unclear about the contest of which I speak, here is the link;

The Interstellar Bad Poetry Challenge

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While no Earth primate entries were actually submitted (Magilla Gorilla’s entry was disqualified as he is a cartoon character and copyrighted by Hanna Barbera) we did get some entries from illegal aliens.  Their contest entries are submitted here for your perusal.  However, it is bad poetry.  By definition, if you don’t have your Galaxian bad-poetry-reading glasses handy, you should proceed with extreme caution.

This first entry is from a random Space Goon.  It is exceptionally bad poetry, and apparently the Goon who…

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Because Naked is Funny

Here’s an old post from 2013 to give you an idea of what progress I have made as a writer… practically none! But, I did publish my novel Superchicken since then.

authormbeyer's avatarCatch a Falling Star

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The nightmare is always about standing in front of class naked.  I had that nightmare as a kid.  I have it still as a teacher.  Why do I so fear having everyone see what I most don’t want them to see about me, and all of them really don’t want to see… especially if they have any ghost of an idea what that might actually look like in real life?  I would make an extremely poor nudist.  People would go blind.  Honestly.

And yet, I find myself writing about naked people far more often than is comfortable.  Why?  What’s the matter with me that the topic keeps coming up in my silly little fiction stories?  Why was it a part of my boyhood fixations that just won’t go away?  I am not a pornography writer, er, I mean erotic fiction writer, like some of the indie novelists I have…

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Here is My Heart

Yesterday was a gloomy-post day again, So, here is my heart again.

authormbeyer's avatarCatch a Falling Star

Yesterday I posted another maudlin doomsday post. I probably gave you the opinion that all I do with my time is mope around and think about death. And maybe write a little creepy black Gothic poetry. But that’s not me. I am a lover of the humor in stories by Mark Twain, Charles Dickens, and Kurt Vonnegut. I am a former teacher that managed to teach the entire zoological range of possible middle school and high school students in Texas and did it without being convinced to hate them rather than love them. Yes, my heart is full of mirth and love and memories of weird kids and troubled kids and kids that could melt the meanest of hearts.

My passion is writing fictional stories about the kids I have taught, including my own three, and setting it in a fictionalized version of my little town, the place in Iowa…

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Scientifical Dog-Poop Theories

Here’s a re-posting of important scientifical information.

authormbeyer's avatarCatch a Falling Star

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I have been taking note of the Republican approach to science as displayed repeatedly in Congress.  I decided that this is the kind of science that can best explain the dog-poop phenomena, since it is, ultimately, about how the data feels more than measuring and quantifying and dealing with, you know, those fact thingies.

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You see, the problem comes in with the fact that my dog, Jade, is producing dog poop at record levels, and it is all becoming rather a burden.   Now the dog-poop literature, (yes it does exist, since dog lovers write about anything and everything to do with dogs), says that it is not uncommon for a healthy young dog to poop as much as 5 times a day.  But my dog seems to poop exactly one time more per day than the number of times you take her for a walk.  If we go out…

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Getting By

Texas is finally closing down like other States where the virus is a little better under control. That means a little less worry about going out to buy groceries. Every positive step we take in this direction improves my chances of surviving, or, at least, being able to finish one more novel before I die. I’d have written a better and longer post if I felt better today. I don’t have Covid 19 yet, but I do have diabetes and five other incurable medical conditions, so feel-bad days like today are normal, and fee-good days are rare. Meanwhile, like George Appleby, I am stuck at home with the wife.

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Friday 13th and How the World Ends

A Flower Un-Blooming

Yesterday they canceled school at least until the 20th of March with an option to extend that for as long as needed. That protects me from infection, but puts my personal economics in jeopardy. No substitute teaching jobs in the coming week. Potentially they will cancel my two jobs lined up for the rest of March. Walmart sold out of bread, bottled water, and toilet paper in a couple of hours last night. I managed one loaf of bread in the check-out chaos. I wasn’t planning to buy bread last night, but if the week’s supplies are going to be gone…

So, here comes the potential pestilential apocalypse, full steam ahead and straight at us. Oh, well. It’s better than brain-eating zombies.

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Probably Parkinsons

My hands shake at times. The muscles in my rib-cage constantly spasm and got me sent to the ER once for suspected heart-attack (Which ironically turned out to be a muscle spasm). And my father, in his 80’s, was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease.

I have increasingly been seeing the ghost dog in the house. I know we have a living, breathing dog in the house. And when I see the ghost dog’s tail disappearing through the locked door to the garage, I go check on our dog and find her in another room, sleeping, stealing people food, or pooping on the carpet. The ghost dog never does any of those things. And I never see the whole dog. It is usually just the hindquarters and tail.

The concerning thing is, however, that seeing partial figures in the form of a hallucination is a symptom of Parkinson’s.

I am not generally happy about the prospects. My father, on medicare, is being treated for Parkinson’s. My doctor won’t diagnose such a thing himself, and all the specialists he refers me to are out of network. Aetna has the system pretty well rigged. I will not get any Parkinson’s treatment.

Oh,well. I will just have to learn to live with it (rather than dying from it). Ghost dogs don’t bark or bite. But they are heck on burglars, murderers, and home invaders (should it turn out to be real enough to be seen by them).

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