Category Archives: NOVEL WRITING

Aeroquest… Canto 39

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Canto 39 – the Wisdom of Solomon

The Palace of One Thousand Years was empty save for five people.  Ged Aero was about to teach his first official class.  With him were three students, Junior Aero, Sara Smith, and the quiet Gaijinese boy of ten known as Shu Kwai.  Junior and Sara wore only silken loin cloths.  Shu Kwai, in the Gaijinese tradition, would wear no clothing he had not earned.  His light orange skin was bare to the single sun, the Old Man.  The three students were kneeling on the practice grounds.  On a bench three hundred feet away sat Dr. Naylund Smith, watching intently.

“I may disappoint you three,” said Ged softly.  He pulled the brim of his fedora down to completely shield his eyes from the bright sun.  His ceremonial robes flapped slightly in the breeze.  It was the unconscious pose of the hunter… or perhaps the wary predator.  “I have thought a lot about what to teach you this day, but I haven’t a clue.”

Shu Kwai had not spoken a word since his parents had brought him to the palace.  Now he raised his brown eyes to Ged and looked at the master without changing his solemn expression.  “Aero-sensei, you are the White Spider.  Anything you say is destiny and probably the Word of God.”

Ged laughed softly.  “No pressure here, huh?”

Junior and Sara looked at each other and grinned.  Shu Kwai focused like a laser on Ged’s every word.  The grim boy did not smile or move a single face muscle.

“Well, here goes…  My mother back on Questor used to read from the Christian Bible to Ham and me.  We took many important lessons from it.  I know you three probably have not studied it, or even heard of it, but it was the greatest book ever written on the planet Earth.”

Sarah nodded.  The two boys showed no signs of recognition.  Ged knew he would have to have a sharp memory to carry this off.

“The secret, I think lies in wisdom and discipline.  These are two of the qualities that a wise king named Solomon used as major themes in his book of Proverbs.  In Chapter 3 he said about discipline “the discipline of Jehovah, O my son, do not reject and do not abhor his reproof, because the one whom Jehovah loves he reproves, even as a father does a son in whom he finds pleasure.”

“I find pleasure in having the three of you as my students.  I will provide not only facts for you to learn, but discipline as well.  If I correct you, it is because I know a better way and it shows evidence only of my love and respect for you.”

“Who is Jehovah?” asked Junior.

“According to the Bible my mother read, that was the name of the one God, the creator of the universe.”

“What if we believe in the Tao?” asked Shu Kwai.

“I will try to teach you better, but I will not argue with what you believe.  All I am saying, students, is that if I must offer discipline, it will be only loving reproof.”

“What will you say about wisdom?” asked Sara.

“Solomon said about wisdom… “Happy is the man who has found wisdom and the man that gets discernment, for having it is better than having silver as gain and having it as produce is better than gold itself.  It is more precious than corals and all other delights of yours cannot be made equal to it.”

“What wisdom will you teach us, Sensei?” asked Sara.

“I don’t know everything yet.  I am supposed to teach you about what I already know, and what I am learning about being a Psion.  You three all have the powers of a Psion?”

“Junior and I are both telepaths,” said Sara, “but he can talk to machines and computers, while I’m a healer.”

“I’m a telekinetic and a telepath,” said Shu Kwai.  “I nearly burned the house down in the night when I was dreaming.  I threw a candle across the room and made logs fly out of the burning fireplace.”

“How interesting!” said Ged with a fixed smile.  “You are all mind-readers, and I am not.  I am a morph.  I’m a shape-changer.”

“The best that ever lived, I heard,” said Shu Kwai.  “My father said no shape-changer ever changed size before as you did in the arena against the Black Spider.”

“My father says you came to save us,” said Sara.  “He said you have the discipline and the morality it takes to help us avoid becoming a monster from our Psion powers.”

“I will do what I can, but as I said, I really have no idea how to teach you.”

Naylund Smith came walking over to them clapping his hands.  “That is one of the finest lessons I have ever heard, honored Ged-dono.  Wisdom and discipline!  This whole planet needs that.  If they all had it, perhaps the plague of bandits and black spiders would end.”

“I hope I don’t let you all down.”

“You cannot,” assured Dr. Smith.  “The boy is right.  You are destiny.”

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Sci-Fi Characters

I have slowed down on revamping Aeroquest.  You may have noticed, I did not spit out the next Canto yesterday.  But I am still noodling around with the characters and the story.  I took as my model the short chapters and many characters of Frank Herbert’s Dune series.  And since it was intended as a comedy novel along the lines of Douglas Adams’ Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, it has a lot of ridiculous things in it that subvert the plot and the many subplots.

The story is salvageable.  But I will have to do some very big changes.  I need to streamline the plot.  I need to cut out unnecessary characters.  And I need to give more extensive development and stage time to the characters I keep.

So here is an insight into critical characters and who they are.

The Aero Brothers are the two main characters who give the book its name.  They were not created by me, but, rather, by one of the high school boys who played the science fiction RPG Traveller with me back in 1985.  He created both characters loosely based on Han Solo from Star Wars.  Ham was a hotshot space pilot.  Ged was a rogue hunter who developed the psionic power of changing his shape.  He was so powerful that he could use this mind power to change not only his size and shape but also his species.  The boy who created these characters was a natural born leader even though he was small for his age and often taken for granted by his fellow players in the game.  So these characters both reflect his real-life personality.

Trav Dalgoda, known as “Goofy” for his weird obsessions (like the eyepatch he doesn’t actually need), is a clown character who is constantly driven by his worst impulses to move the plot forward.  He doesn’t mean to betray anybody on purpose, but he is obsessed with treasure hunting and watching things blow up.  He can’t help causing massive destruction on planetary scales.  Tron Blastarr, the scar-faced space pirate, is a bad guy turned hero who is often on the wrong end of Goofy’s plot-moving missteps.  He ends up deciding that instead of merely being a pirate leader, he needs to lead a rebellion and form a new interstellar government.

These four are the most important characters in the entire story.  I cannot rewrite it without any of them.  All four of them are based on real people who played the science fiction role-playing game with me in the 80’s.  I will tell you more about Aeroquest characters in future posts.

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Characters in Colored Pencil

As a novelist, certain characters, as I understand them, have to be portrayed in a certain specific way.  It may be because the character is based on a real person, so those characteristics are tied to reality and changing them will impair the character’s realism.  It may also be because the character has a very special function in the story, possibly a metaphorical or thematic function so a change in those particulars can derail the entire story.  But portraying them in colored pencil is not nearly so arcane.  Colored pencil is my own preferred medium, the one I know best how to use as an artist.

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Snow Babies

These characters are not specifically people.  They are created in nature when a person dies in a blizzard by freezing to death.  They act like banshees in that they serve both as omens of impending death, and collectors of the spirit forms of the deceased.  Snow ghosts after a manner of speaking.

They are from my novel Snow Babies and give the book its name.  Of course, they are not the only snow babies that the title refers to.  But they are essential to the basic theme of the story.

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Brent Clarke

Brent is the leader of the Pirates.  He appears in the novels Superchicken, and The Baby Werewolf, though I have another couple of stories in my head where he plays an important role as well.

Brent is an amalgam of two real people.  One was a boy from my boyhood gang, and the other was a student I taught more than a decade after that.  He is a farm boy, naturally outgoing and athletic, but also a bit of a bully and a bigger bit of a jerk, especially around girls.

 

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Miss Francis “Franny” Morgan

Miss Morgan is a middle school teacher based on a real-life colleague who had a gift for reaching and teaching challenging kids, though she’s also got a bit of me in her since the major challenges she faces in the story are mostly things that happened to me, and I made her an English teacher like me instead of the Science teacher she really was.  She is the main character in the novel that bears her name, Magical Miss Morgan.  She is also a minor character in Superchicken, almost twenty years earlier in time.  I pictured her wearing a purple paisley dress to represent her magical abilities.  That magic is, of course, the ability to make stories come to life through imagination and creativity.

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Sean “Cudgel” Murphy

Cudgel is “Grampy” of the Murphy Clan, living in the home of his eldest son Warren.  He is basically a clown character, being an irascible, evil old man who loves his family, only ever drives his beloved Austin Hereford motor car (“the best goddam car in the whole goddam world from 1954”), and will fight for any reason or excuse at the drop of a hat.

He has already played a role in the novels The Bicycle-Wheel Genius and Snow Babies.  And I hope to use him in several more.  He is loosely based on several old men I have known throughout my life, but he functions mainly as a clown, a comic relief character that breaks up the tension in developing plots.

So there you have some characters that I have written about in my novels and illustrated in living colored pencil.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Why I’m on This Aeroquest

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For those of you who are breathlessly following the weekly episodes from my first published mess of a novel, I apologize that I am not following through on my regular Tuesday feature today.  Of course, I know that the number of regular followers of this novel is actually zero.  Understandable because of what a confusing mess it is.  But I need to explain things anyway.

This whole saga began back in 2006 when I had time on my hands from being laid off from my teaching job by the Wicked Witch of Creek Valley.  I had two years worth of substitute teaching because said witch first hired me for my teaching philosophy, and then fired me for implementing it in my classroom.  (She had never actually been a teacher herself, just an administrator.)  I found myself with ample time to do a lot of writing, and I created my first published novel.  It was inspired by Frank Herbert’s Dune saga combined with Douglas Adams’s Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy series.  So, naturally, it was doomed from the very start because it had too many characters in a long and rambling plot that was three novels too long in only one novel.

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And on top of those serious rookie-writer mistakes, I added getting it published long before I actually had it ready for publishing with a fly-by-night publishing house called Publish America whom I can safely ridicule and defame here after they have been sued by authors numerous times because my contract with them expired in 2014, well after the company had morphed and changed its name to avoid paying any of their authors damages.  They did all the things they were accused of in lawsuits to my book.  They published it without reading it (proven by some of their authors who copied and pasted Wikipedia pages and got the company to publish that in book form).  They screwed up my chapter numbers and font styles intentionally to get me to pay for publishable revisions.  And they marketed my book only to friends and family for five times the price of a normal paperback.  They were the worst publishers I ever dealt with.  But in the end, I didn’t pay them a cent.  My relatives, however, bought the horrible book and refused ever after to fall for buying another Mickey Book.

The result is a large pile of garbage chapters with some good things and funny moments in them that I can use to mess around with, rewrite, reorganize, post here weekly, and eventually form into new novels.  That’s why I claim that this Tuesday feature is about novel writing in categories and tags.  I will take the first part of this mess and whip it up into a new book called Aeroquest 1: Stars and Stones.

It will have the whole first adventure on the planet Don’t Go Here where the entire planet’s population is trying to live within an episode of the Flintstones cartoon show.  It will reach the point where the three main characters will split up and go their separate ways, Ged Aero becoming the prophesied teacher of Psions known as the White Spider, Ham Aero becoming the rebel hero in the fight against the Imperium, and Trav “Goofy” Dalgoda taking his chaotic clown act to depths of dangerous depravity.  I am not, of course, trying to claim it will be good for anything.  But never let it be said that Mickey ever wasted a really bad idea.  Or even a really, really bad idea.  Or a terrible idea.  Or… well, you get the picture if you were fool enough to read this far.  If you put in that kind of effort, you certainly deserve to give yourself a “Yay me!” in the comments.

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Aeroquest… Canto 38

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Canto 38 – The Master Speaks

      Xavier Tkriashav came back to the planet Zarane for the first time in a quarter of a century.  It had once been home.  By the looks of it, though, they had been through hard times in his absence.  The Downport at Zhdlianta City was run down and nearly deserted.  Only a handful of junky old fossil merchant ships still traveled in and out of the place.  The lone military ship that once had carried a hundred teleport commandos aloft sat broken down and thoroughly pirate-scarred in its dry-dock.

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The Megadeath sat down on what once had been the Psion Emperor’s landing pad.  No one was there to meet them.  The Lupin Stardog Corsairs filled the empty landing pads surrounding it.  If they had been an invasion force or a raiding party, they would have entered Zarane’s largest city unopposed.  Tkriashav frowned.

“We be jammin’” said Vince Niell.  “Last stop, spooky world of the supersonic headhunters.  Everybody out!”

Tkriashav was the only one who left the safety of the starship willingly.  Everyone else edged out behind him.  Young Rocket Rogers kindled a small ball of flame in his right hand, apparently to be ready in case the worst happened.  He cradled the baby fireball out of sight in his hands.

“Wha…?” said Cold Death as a small rock flew out of the shadows and plunked him on his head.

Vince and Nikki pulled their laser pistols.  Cold Death stupidly rubbed his throbbing head.

“Friends?  Zaranians? Countrymen?  I have returned.  Why is no one here to lend an ear?”

“Go away!” shouted someone in the middle distance.  Vince pointed his weapon in the general direction but could see no one to shoot at.

“The crowd is in the Gallows Stadium!” cried someone else from further away.  “Go there to get what’s coming to you.”

“Jeez, man,” moaned Nikki Sixx, “we should leave now, dude!”

“Yeah, well, I mean…  Wait,” said Tkriashav.  “I know these people better than they know themselves.  They need to hear our good news!”

Resolutely Tkriashav began his march to the Gallows Stadium, expecting everyone else to follow him.  Slowly they did.

On the way, several people saw Tkriashav and his crew.  They all turned tail and sprinted towards the Gallows Stadium.  Word would proceed the Psion Master himself.

The stadium was designed, just as the name suggested, as a place of public execution.  It was, in fact, quite crowded with the current execution nearing its commencement.  As Tkriashav entered through the main gates, all eyes turned his way.  Some few shouted “Hurray!” but many others hissed a “Boo!” at him.  The rest were unnaturally silent.  On the gallows itself were three Nebulons and a white-skinned boy about to be hung.  The adult male Nebulon glared defiantly at Tkriashav with a noose securely around his neck.  The blue-skinned woman and the Nebulon boy were both crying.  The white boy, also balanced precariously with a noose around his throat, looked grim.

Tkriashav marched up to the gallows platform, shoving several planetary officials and Telepathic Monitors aside.  He raised his hands to the crowd.

“Zaranians, I have returned.  I am Tkriashav, First Psion of Zarane from the Aziashav Dynasty.  I know you will not go through with this unwarranted execution!  To have a share in the prosperity I bring, your hands must remain clean of innocent blood.”

“What makes you believe they are innocent!” cried a Telepathic Monitor in a blue turban and Psi-police uniform.

“I can foresee the future.  If you kill them, I see this planet devastated in war.  You have no fleet left!”

“These Nebulon invaders have no real fleet either!  They are Psionic and intend to overrun our world.”

“Have you probed them?”

“The two boys are too powerful.  They shield everyone around them from telepathic probes!” accused a red-turbaned Psion Centurion.

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“Those of you who remember me from twenty years ago will recall my powers of clairvoyance.  I foresee the space whale navies of two entire Nebulonin clans coming to destroy this world.  Every last man of you will lie dead in your own filth for the atrocity you plan to commit here today!  Only if you listen to this blue man do you stand to reap the benefits of the prosperity and high technology that I have brought back to you.”

“Empty words, Tkriashav!” called out Shivitatla, one of Tkriashav’s former political rivals.  “You may have predicted your own disappearance and return, but you failed to predict the death of Aziashav II.  The world of Zarane has gone to ruin in your absence.  Stardogs and Nebulons are to blame.  They decimated our fleets and dropped colonies on all the empty worlds in this sector!”

“Perhaps,” said Tkriashav grimly, “you need to hear why.  Did you give this Nebulon ambassador a chance to speak?”

“No,” said Shivitatla.  “<You know already why he’s here, don’t you!>” he added in Zaradese.

“<Do you?>” The force of Tkriashav’s reply made Shivitatla stagger backwards.

“Let the Psion Master give us proof!” shouted a Psi-police Lieutenant.  “I would hear the evidence!”

“Let the Nebulon speak!” said Tkriashav.

“He’s a stupid Space Smurf!” cried several.  “He doesn’t know Galactic English!”

“Can you speak to us?” Tkriashav asked the blue man directly.

“I can speaken Galagic Engrish!” he said in a thick, but understandable accent.  “I need to speaken!”

The crowd grew hushed at the surprising revelation.  Xavier Tkriashav walked up to the man and removed the noose from his neck.  “Speaken,” he said.

“I am for Clannish Sinjarac talken!” said the blue man.  “I am Ambassador Jor.  My clan has left the Great Nebula from before I am bornen.  Tshizcaruc!  We are refugees of a great war.  We leaven the Pan Galactic Union because of Faceless Horde.  We leaven Imperial Borders because of pirates and Galtorrian monster men.  We been many killed by your kind.  We beg for place to stayen!  We like many other mens.  We bleed.  We feel sorrow.  Give us any worlds you want.  Airless okay!  Gas Giants!  We live where you do not!  We only want peace, a place to belongen.”

“Let me add this,” said Tkriashav, “I am a powerful clairvoyant.  I know what course will bring us happiness!  This man offers you something you need from Nebulons, peace and friendship.  I can also show you proof that the prophecies of Xan have come true.”

“A new White Spider?” asked Shivitatla amazed.

“Yes.  A man called Ged Aero.  He is on a planet called Gaijin, not many parsecs from here.  He will rebuild an Empire and create a new future for us.”

“I hope you can prove that,” said Shivitatla, “but if you can, then I yield to you.  Your way could be right after all.  I will not stand in the way of Xan’s Prophecy.”

The people began cheering.  The government officials began chattering amongst themselves.  The possibilities began to open their minds and hearts.

“I thanken you for saving us,” said Jor to Tkriashav.  “I am grateful for the lives of my son, Gyro, my wife, Natasha, and this young cowsboy, Billy Iowa.”

“I had a dream about this,” Tkriashav said, helping Jor to free his family, “and if it comes true, we will all be thanking you and your family.”

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Character References, Part 3

When choosing who’s picture to publish of all the many made-up people that live in my head and my fiction, I often wonder, do I have an accurate sense of who is important and who is merely minor?  I offer now some characters I don’t feel comfortable leaving out.

Mazie Haire

Mazie Haire

One of the Haire Sisters, rumored to be a witch, and proud to prove it to you, Mazie is a severe and highly focused individual with a knack for seeing and convincing you of the truth.  So, maybe she really is a witch.

She appears in;

Snow Babies

 

 

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Milton John Morgan (Milt)

I can’t tell you about the witch without mentioning the wizard.  Milt Morgan is the Merlin of the Norwall Pirates (an adventuring gang and 4-H softball team).

He is one of the founders of the gang and the one who got them into the most trouble in the 1970’s.

He appears in;

Superchicken

The Baby Werewolf

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Torrie Brownfield

Torrie is the hair-everywhere boy with hypertrichosis, the werewolf-hair disease.  He was genetically doomed to life looking like a werewolf.  He was discovered living in hiding in Norwall by the Pirates’ gang who decided they simply had to make him a member.

He is, of course, the main character of;

The Baby Werewolf

And also appears in;

Recipes for Gingerbread Children

 

Harker

Harker Dawes

Harker is a clown-character based on a real person living in the real town of Norwall.  He buys the local hardware store and runs the business into bankruptcy.  He is not only a ne’er-do-well, but he also is a truly loveable fool.

He plays a key role in;

Snow Babies

He is also in the upcoming novel;

Fools and Their Toys

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Dilsey Murphy

Dilsey is Mike’s slightly older sister who seems to be in a lot of my stories.  She is a tomboy and a Daddy’s girl.  She is also beloved by her irascible Grampy, Cudgel Murphy.  Mike Murphy both hates her and loves her, but mostly just depends on her.

She is in;

Magical Miss Morgan

The Bicycle-Wheel Genius

and a large number of upcoming stories

 

 

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Sean “Cudgel” Murphy

Grampy of the Murphy Clan, Cudgel is the meanest old man you’d ever want to meet.  He is excellently suited to the job of teaching kids to swear.  And he only drives his Austin Hereford, “The finest car made anywhere in the whole goddam world in 1954!”

He appears in;

Snow Babies

The Bicycle-Wheel Genius

Crooner

Francois Martin

Francois, the French orphan, is the main character in my current manuscript,

Sing Sad Songs.

He paints his face in clown paint and sings beautifully enough to save his Uncle’s business.  I am halfway finished with this new novel.

So, now I feel like I have exhausted myself in character introductions and will probably eschew a “Part 4”.  But with Mickey, there are no guarantees.

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A Character Reference, Part 2

Yesterday an inconvenient internet outage interrupted my fountain of character gushing.  So let me splash a couple more on here.

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Tim Kellogg

Tim is a school teacher’s son who is sorta, kinda, based on my own oldest son… and maybe a little bit on me.  He’s clever, creative, a natural leader, and only slightly evil part of the time.

Tim is a main character in;

Catch a Falling Star

The Bicycle-Wheel Genius

Magical Miss Morgan

 

Grandma Gretel

 

Grandma Gretel Stein

Gretel is a German survivor of the concentration camps who sees and talks to fairies on a regular basis.  She also bakes magically delicious gingerbread cookies.  And loves to tell stories to those who eat her cookies.

She is a main character in;

Recipes for Gingerbread Children

She is an important character in;

Superchicken

The Baby Werewolf

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The Primary Cast of Recipes for Gingerbread Children (left to right) Grandma Gretel, the cookie baker, Todd Niland, handsome young farm boy and cookie-eater, Sherry Cobble, nudist and junior high cheerleader, and Sandy Wickham, cookie-eater and Todd Niland’s crush.

My Art 2 of Davalon

Farbick

He’s the alien Telleron pilot and good guy aboard Xiar’s space ship who gets shot during the failed invasion of Iowa and helps save the planet in the near future.  He’s a main character in;

Catch a Falling Star

Stardusters and Space Lizards

Davalon (re-named David by the couple who adopts him)

Dav is the alien boy accidentally lost on earth in Catch a Falling Star, and leader of the young explorers in Stardusters and Space Lizards.

Superchick

Edward-Andrew Campbell, the Superchicken

It is possible E-A is really me.  He bears my high school nickname.  He is a boy trying to cope with being the new kid in a tightly knit little Iowa farm town.

He is the main character in;

Superchicken

 

 

I fear I am still a long way from done with referring to characters in my books.  But more waits for another day.

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Aeroquest… Scherzo 1

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Scherzo 1 – Who?

      In the Central Hospital of downtown Oasis City, Hassan the Elf was awakening from his ordeal.  Maggie the Knife sat by his bed with little Artran hanging out at the foot of the bed.

“He’s awake, Mommy!” announced Artran.

“So he is,” said the red-haired beauty, reaching over to brush a lock of hair out of Hassan’s eyes.  “Welcome back little one.”

In a very soft-spoken voice Hassan said, “I am one hundred and four years old.  I have had fourteen wives and seven hundred children in my time.  I may look young, but I’m not exactly a child.”

“My, my!” said Maggie in the tone of an indulgent parent.  “You are quite the little man!”

“Do I get Daddy?” Artran asked of his mother.

“Please.  Tell him the Peri is awake.”

“Right away!”  Artran tore out of the hospital room as if it were on fire.

“So tell me,” said the elf softly, “will I be kept around for my intellect, or will you do away with me now that I am crippled?”

“Ooh, how you talk!  You’ve been liberated by the Pinwheel Corsairs of Tron Blastarr.  We intend to let you decide your own fate.  Tron is planning to pay for an artificial leg for you.”

“Why would a corsair leader help a poor Peri slave?”  Hassan’s eyes were large and filled with tears.  He couldn’t believe his sudden good luck.

“We Blastarrs believe that all races and individuals have worth.  It’s what has made us so unpopular with the Galtorr Imperium.”

Scan_0005At that moment the room filled with an unnatural pinkish light.  By the wall opposite the bed a really old-style phone booth materialized out of thin air.  One creature was inside, a middle-aged human with shaggy gray hair and a large nose.  He also had bags under his eyes as if from excessive fatigue.  And he carried an umbrella under one arm.  He opened the phone booth and stepped out.

“Who are you?” asked Maggie, staring.

“Exactly!  You can call me Doctor Hooey, or just… Doctor.  I’m a Time Knight from the planet Gallagos.  This is not a phone box; it is my TimeShip, the Star Wars.  It’s really much more impressive than it looks.”

At that moment, Tron and the King of Killers arrived to greet the awakened Peri.

“What is going on here?” demanded the scar-faced boss.

“Er… I was just telling your wife, Maggie, I believe, that I am a Time Knight of Gallagos.  I come from long, long ago and far, far away to find you, Tron.”

“What?  How do you know my name?”

“I told you.  I am a Time Knight of Gallagos.  This telephone box is my TimeShip, the Star Wars.”

“No.  I mean, what are you doing here?  How do you know who I am?”

“I’m not an agent of the late Count Nefaria, if that’s what you fear.  I came here because King Ryan Beowulf of the Time Knights sent me here to find you and do the things the record books said were done in the proper timeline.  We have a pyramid to look into and some Imperial secrets to steal.”

“What is this record book you speak of?  And what PYRAMID?”

“I’m a Time Knight!  I know things that haven’t happened yet… and things that once happened that nobody else alive today knows about.  I travel through time, forwards and backwards, and I know it’s all very confusing!  It gives me a headache to think about it too.”

“What is a Time Knight?” asked Artran, staring out from behind his father’s leg.  “And why do you have those golden question marks on your old, tweedy suit?”

“Ah, you ask good questions, boy!  No wonder you become so famous if you manage to live past the age of thirteen!  A Time Knight…”  Here Dr. Hooey had to pause to take a breath as all the oxygen in his brain was used up.  “…is an adventurer and hero who travels through time, correcting anything that has gone, or might go wrong with the stream of time.”

“Wow,” said Hassan softly.  “You talk funny!”

Artran snickered.  Tron himself began to smile.

“Oh, I’m not the worst one, believe me.  Of all the Time Knights, Dr. Emmit Brown talks the fastest.  Sir H.G. Wells has a funny English accent.  Sir Emerald Man is an original Galtorrian and speaks with a snaky lisp.  No, I’m not the worst one.”

“So what is this nonsense about a pyramid?” asked Tron, sounding more exasperated than he looked.

“It’s the reason I have come.  If we don’t go and look into that pyramid, then your New Star League will never be formed.  You will never become the Grand Admiral of Outpost, and Ged Aero will never become the successor to Shan as the White Spider!”

“So, you better lead the way!” said Tron.

“You know,” said Hooey, “Master Hassan has to be there as well, along with your friend Mr. Killer.”

“Are you ready to travel, elf?” asked Tron.

“You can’t!” said Maggie.  “The boy just woke up from a coma!”

“I will do anything you ask of me,” said Hassan sincerely to Tron.  “You have helped this lowly one in a way that can never be repaid, except by never-ending service.  It is my duty.”

Tron smiled at the elf.  He was almost truly handsome when he smiled, in spite of the nasty scar through his eye.  Hassan felt blessed to have such a brave and generous man as his new lord and master.

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Advertising on E-Bay Ignorantly

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You are probably not going to believe this, but there are certain things you simply cannot safely sell on E-Bay.  My first good novel, Catch a Falling Star, took years to write.  The research, interviews with survivors, fighting off remaining alien invaders left behind when the Telleron invasion failed, and clean-up of sites and inconvenient witnesses took at least from 1990 to 2012.  And then, as part of my marketing-by-blogging strategy for the book, I took a box of leftover skortch pistols and listed them for sale on E-Bay.  They turned out to be a very popular item.  It took the first skortch ray almost a year to sell for a measly five dollars.  It was bought by a woman with a very annoying husband.  She apparently bought the item as a joke, thinking it would not actually work as a molecular disintegration weapon.  But after she surprised her husband with it and then posted the surprising results on Facebook, I quickly sold out the rest of the 26 pistols in the box and made almost $800. I am told by concerned investigative reporters that crotchety old men, ugly wives, and particularly Dennis-the-Menace-like kids were disappearing all across the Midwest.  I also learned that one skortch ray pistol came into the hands of a Republican political operative before the election in 2016.  That fact may have accounted for the disappearances of large numbers of registered Democrats in both Michigan and Pennsylvania in the weeks before the election.

I wanted to inform you that I may have done something stupid on E-Bay.  Therefore I am re-posting the drawing I did of Studpopper the Telleron demonstrating the firing of an example skortch pistol created by Zillokahsitter Industries on Telleri Prime with Sylvani technology.  If you should see one of these in the hands of a spouse that thinks you are grumpy too much of the time, I would suggest an almost instantaneous program of self-improvement.  And if you see one in the hands of someone in a red MAGA baseball cap, immediately put on your own red hat and say something inordinately stupid so they will assume you are one of them, and hope they skortch themselves by accident before they get around to skortching you.

Sorry about that.  I should’ve thought this whole thing through more carefully beforehand.

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Aeroquest… Canto 37

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Canto 37 – On To Dancer

      Arkin Cloudstalker was a natural-born starship captain, the way Ham Aero was a natural-born pilot.  Their abilities and sensibilities meshed in ways Ham had never thought possible.  Arkin took command of the mission without needing to be asked.  Aboard the Leaping Shadowcat Ham had always had the say, but since he retained the captain’s cabin, he had no trouble yielding command.  Arkin was berthed in Ged’s stateroom, a suitably Spartan and undecorated place.  Duke Ferrari took over the Madonna’s stateroom since she moved in with Ham as his wife.  The Duke was made Astrogator and Navigator since he knew the way to both Dancer, and Coventry beyond.  Sinbadh was relegated to ordinary crewman and cook.  Trav was still nominally the engineer.  The young Lupin, Sahleck Kim, was taken on as the cabin boy.  His job was to clean the air systems, wash the freshers, and generally swab the decks.

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The Shadowcat had two decks, an upper deck with the control pit and bridge, computer access room, six staterooms, and three storage lockers.  The lower deck had the trophy lounge in front, under the bridge, and two more staterooms.  It also had a skinning room, a galley, and two large capture tanks which hadn’t had a xenomorph in them since before reaching Don’t Go Here.

Duke Ferrari stood over the Astrogator’s holo-pit on the bridge, studying the route from White Palm to Dancer.  The jump would take them thirty hours over 16 parsecs and nearly exhaust all of the Shadowcat’s fuel.  “Who will take care of your corsair fleet, Cloudstalker, while you’re away?”

“They take care of themselves, Duke,” he answered from the Captain’s chair.  The chair itself had hardly been used the last ten years, since Ham always used the pilot’s seat.  “Besides, we’re allied with Tron Blastarr now.  There aren’t many pirates you can really trust, but I know my Lady Knights are safe with him.  He’s a good man underneath.”

“I sensed that too,” said the Duke.  He twirled the right end of his moustache between thumb and forefinger.  “I know he set me free and offered to help me, but beyond my desperation, I could sense that the man is a hero.”

“He’s a bit boring at times,” offered Trav.

“Explain what you mean to the nice gentlemen, Goofy,” warned Ham.  “They don’t understand your sense of humor.”

“Ach!  I’m just saying, Tron never takes advantage of opportunities the way a good pirate should.  That old jester just doesn’t have it in him to steal the way a pirate should.”

“Sir, I see why they call you Goofy,” said the Duke.  “You are something of a cad yourself.”

“We’ll see who’s goofy when we find the relic on Dancer!”

“Remember, sir,” warned Ferrari, “this is a critical diplomatic mission intended to forge a planetary union to fight against the Imperium.”

“Oh, I haven’t forgotten.  I will use what I gain from the ancient device to help fight the lizard-men of Galtorr.”
“That’s assuming you can get it out from under the nose of old Razor Conn,” laughed Arkin.  “He’s a corsair that knows how to hold onto something that’s valuable.”

“I’m not afraid of the old pirate,” said Trav.  “He’s just another spacesuit full of gas and hot air.”

Ham looked at Goofy hard.  The dumb nut was wearing a bright yellow tie with a screw and a baseball pictured on it.  It was little wonder Trav was willing to put both feet in his mouth at once.

“You will belay such talk, Mr. Dalgoda,” said Arkin.  “If I am to be captain here, then you must show respect to other spacers, especially the ones I most respect.”

“Yes sir, old Jester captain, sir!”  Trav saluted mockingly.

“What do we actually know about Dancer, Duke?” Arkin asked Ferrari.

“Well, Captain, it is a water world.  No land masses exist anywhere.  The limited civilization there dwells in undersea domes.  The Blackhawk Corsairs own and operate out of a domed city called Castle Orpheum.”

“Do we have an underwater vehicle aboard?” Arkin asked Ham.

“No sir, but the Shadowcat can travel underwater herself.  She’s air tight and streamlined.  We can scoop up water for fuel and just extract the hydrogen from it.”

“How cool is that!” said Trav.  “I bet this old girl is more rugged than any of your corsairs.”

“I have to hand it to you there, Mr. Dalgoda.  No White Sword or Pinwheel I ever saw could travel in space, air, and water too.”

Ham’s breast swelled at the unexpected compliment to his space ship.  Few realized how worthy a safari ship could be.  It was designed to get into and out of exotic environments with both the game and the game-hunters alive.  It had to be quite different from the run-of-the-mill space craft.

“I am hoping this mission goes smoothly,” said their new Captain.  “A lot is at stake here.  If we are going to make things work, we are going to have to be more tricky and adaptable than our enemies.  That means we have to out-think the likes of Admiral Tang and the Generals of the Galtorr Imperium.”

Ham nodded in silent agreement.  What he’d taken on was daunting, more daunting than merely jumping out into unknown space.

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