Cold Comfort

I don’t fear death, but I don’t seek it.

I had a lost crown on a molar that turned into a tooth crater that became infected. The dentist was happy. I took on almost two thousand dollars of medical debt to stop the pain. She extracted the molar and apparently, the infection is still there. After a week of antibiotics, it still hurts as if the infection is still there. Good opportunity for the Grim Reaper to use sepsis and a blood infection to do me in.

So, I am anticipating death in the near term, but hoping to avoid it. There are still several things I can do even if my dentist is a Sadist.

No matter what happens, my life is complete.

I was a teacher for 31 years. I managed to be an English department head, an ESL teacher, a teacher rated exemplary on evaluations many more times than the one time I was fired and treated like an incompetent. I made a difference for far more students than I failed. Many of them told me so later in life. I taught students whose parents I taught, and I almost lasted in one place long enough to teach a student whose grandparents were former students. I created an Odyssey of the Mind team for my Gifted and Talented students. I read to them. I even fed some of them on weekends.

I was married for thirty-plus years. I was a father of three, a band parent, a military parent, and a beloved parent.

I experienced life and art and music. I knew what beauty was. I know what wisdom is.

None of these things can the Grim Reaper or the Devil take away from me.

Any time the race actually ends, I am guaranteed to win. After all, I was only racing against myself.

Others may judge me as a fool, an egomaniac, or a buffoon. But I am okay with that. I learned early on to laugh at myself, even when others point at me and accuse me of my shortcomings. I wished to be a humorist after all. There is no one left behind me who has wronged me that I have not forgiven.

I am not ready to die, but Death cannot deprive me of anything.