If you could choose the time and manner of your death, exactly how would you meet the closing sentences in the story of your life? I don’t mean by suicide. That notion would disqualify you from this thought experiment. But if you could suggest to the angel of death how you would like to pass from this life, how would you ask her to manage it?
I myself was born in a blizzard in middle November. As Mark Twain came in and went out with Halley’s Comet, I would prefer to leave during the falling of snow. I believe it will be caused by a health crisis, probably heart related. It might happen in a hospital, but in the dream I believe to be prophetic, the angel enters by the front door of the house and simply announces, “Michael, it is over. You must come with me.” In the dream it was in the front room of Grandma Beyer’s house. But I have noticed over time how much the dream also resembles the front room of the house we live in now. No struggle, no violence, no more pain than I experience daily now.
I know it is weird to think about my own death like this. But I find it comforting to imagine I could write the final sentences in the book of my life. I am feeling ill today, and there are some reasons why I have been thinking about dying by heart problems. Yet, the last time I had my heart checked, it wasn’t that, and the expense of that emergency hospitalization helped tip me into bankruptcy. So, if the angel comes calling now, I will not try to avoid her. And is there snow in the forecast? Who knows for sure? And now I have told her what is in my heart about this matter, so the fact that I am a Christian agnostic should have no bearing on her decision.
9 responses to “If…”
Mickey, this is nice. I think I would like to take a long walk into the forest and not come back. Keith
Ah, a poet’s exit.
Kind of like the Bagger Vance entrance and exit.
Ah, yes. Very poetic,
Well, I hope you will regain your health soon because we need more stories from you 🙂🙂
As for how I want to die..?? Well my grandfather died in an accident, and that’s how I want to pass away.
What are the benefits to going out like that? Suddenness?
Because it happens out of blue. It’s painful but I think the shock numbs one’s mind, so one won’t be able to feel anything.
I think you are right. Unexpected is better. If you are told by the doctor that cancer is going to kill you, that changes your life in some very difficult ways. When I had cancer in the 1980s, I spent too much time fearing the worst and anticipating terrible things. I was lucky that surgery was successful in removing it. It is better not to see it coming for you,
Yes you are right. Waiting for death is worse than being dead. And it is not just painful for you but for your near ones too.