Today I needed some chocolate to make it through Valentine’s Day. Chocolate covered peanuts are perfect for diabetic depression. Chocolate to bring me up, and peanuts to help me not spike or drop in blood sugar levels. Depression and Valentine’s Day have always walked hand in hand in my recollection. Maybe it was the Valentine’s cards that we used as kids that did that to me. You know, the ones where your parents buy them in bulk, and after you pick that one for the special someone, you just put your classmate’s names on random cards from the pile for the rest. And then later that special someone gives you an obviously random card in return. Blues City!
I was, of course, a kid in the 60’s, in the Space Age of Mercury and Gemini Missions. Those were the cards I picked from for her.
But what kind of weird messages did the other random cards send? Some of them were absolutely bizarre.
What kind of love goes with socks with holes in them, and screwy boys with little pigs? No wonder so many of us grew up a bit demented.
And how is being eaten by a giant cat not traumatizing?
Some cards were inappropriate, and some were all wet. All of these are a bit perverted.
This one causes nightmares.
And boys should never have to get cards like these from a girl. Knives and forks and wieners? It makes me shudder just to look at them.
And what does love have to do with food? At least, anthropomorphic food? And food puns?
These are just scary and weird.
And there were Valentine’s cards that were right for me, but I didn’t want them. Enough eating of fuzzy worms on Valentine’s Day for me!
So it’s no wonder V-Day makes me blue. I was trained to it from an early age. Now, I just buy myself chocolate.