Canto 8 – Hammer Plans
Trav Dalgoda was busy with research. He had discovered that Frieda could answer practically any question his evil little brain could ask, and so, allowed him to feed his avarice and greed until they became obese and bloated. Where most men had two little angels on their shoulders, one good and one evil, to debate with, Trav had only these two little fat things that he actually called Greed and Avarice when he talked to them. They were discussing now how he could obtain the so-called Hammer of God.
“Ummm! Frieda says the Hammer is a building device and it is on the planet below. I have got to have it,” said Goofy to himself.
“Ged will distrust it, and he won’t let you use it,” said Avarice.
Greed scratched his fat red behind with his pitchfork. “We have to get there before Ged,” he said lazily.
“I can go down to the planet in my new star ship,” said Goofy.
“Yes, and blow something up with it on the way!” said Avarice.
“Explosions in space are so pretty!” cooed Greed.
“No,” said Goofy. “I can’t let myself get carried away. Ham always says, “Don’t blow things up, Goofy.””
“Not even a little something?” asked Avarice sadly, feeling the sharpness of his left horn with a fat finger.
“Well…” said Goofy, almost relenting.
It was then that the manic spacer was interrupted from his internal dialogue by the sweet-faced blue Princess. She had entered the room from behind him. They were all alone, just Trav, the Princess, and Frieda. She was as naked as the day she was born. She walked up to him, took his gloved hand, and put it sadly on her breast.
“Oh! No, girl!” insisted Trav, turning bright red under his eye patch. “Nobody asked for that!”
She pointed sadly at the slave tattoo on her right shoulder. She looked down at the deck beneath her feet.
“No, I mean it!” said Trav. “You don’t have to do that for me. I am not your master!”
“Maybe I can help,” suggested Frieda.
“How?” asked Trav.
“Tagasserah nah, po choi freem koohballa Marjarac Inoijuc.”
The blue princess was suddenly transformed into the happiest creature Trav had ever seen. She kissed the Goof on the end of his nose and left the control room clapping her hands together gleefully.
“What was that about?” asked Trav, puzzled.
“I explained to her that you wanted her to be free so she could be your friend. I explained that she owed you a debt of honor for releasing her from her servitude.”
“Really? All of that, huh?”
“So what can you tell me and my two little friends about the planet below?” asked Trav.
“First you must put the Crown of All Stars upon your own head,” said Frieda.
“But won’t that melt my brain?”
“Oh, it might. But from what I’ve observed of you, I don’t think your circuits are complex enough to be in danger.”
“Oh, thanks,” said Trav. “Say, by the way, old Jester, can you teach the lovely Princess to speak our language?”
“Khomparuc sah, Trav. It shall be done.”