If you are a budding talent and future Batman villain, there are some simple and easy steps to take that will turn this country completely evil. We are, at present, at the threshold of an evil empire envisioned by Sith Lord Darth Cheney, implemented a little bit by the rodeo clown Junior Bush until he crashed the economy so badly he actually made a black man president, and now seriously enabled by the total takeover of government by the GOP (Greedy Old Pigs). So how do we turn everything to the Dark Side of the Force and Make America Evil Again? There are several simple steps to the process.
- Make America Hate Again
Surely as a super villain you have somebody you utterly hate and pathologically need to get even with. For Twitler it began with Mexicans and continued with any and all Muslims. “They are rapists and criminals and terrorists, and some, I assume, are good people… but wait, those would be the white supremacists and neo-Nazis… so never mind the good ones. Kill their families and build a wall. Sad!” And it was easily expanded to include people of color… any color… except white and orange. You get your rabid-dog followers to beat up anybody with a “Black Lives Matter” sort of message. Even the churches will help you do the work of it. Fundamentalist Christians are fertile ground for the seeds of hate trees. They stopped quite a while ago noticing in the Bible where Jesus said to help the poor and the defenseless, and basically talked bad about the rich. They only pay attention when the Bible talks, in obscure parts of Leviticus, about the kinds of people you should hate. And American gun laws are bearing the fruit of the violence against ordinary and non-rich people. Look at how many were murdered in Las Vegas for the crime of listening to a Country Music concert. And we shall call that a mental health problem, not a gun problem… and then later forget to do anything about mental health problems. Stirring up hate is easy. And sooner or later the guys with all the guns will decide that the people they hate need to die.
2. Make ‘Em Afraid
- There is no motivator like fear. Fear of terrorists, fear of economic collapse like the one in 2008, fear of Mexicans coming across the border to take our jobs… You already have the country hating those bad people, like people of color, people of different religions, and people who are not like us. If it is not easy to see why we should be afraid of those people, stir up some hot poop and fling it at people you know are unstable. Surely there’s a dictator with bad hair and nuclear missiles somewhere (one that is not you) that you can call names and play games of chicken with through military exercises and shows of strength (but not actual penis size… some things need to remain a secret). Promise fire and fury. 3. Remember, the Enemy of My Enemy is My Best Friend
You can really stir up a good batch of evil hot poop if you make friends with former enemies of the country. Who better than Vladie? No, not Vladimir Dracula, the other Vlad… you know, Putin, the KGB guy. You can make money for each other and keep filthy American regulators from preventing that next sweetheart Exxon deal just because the KGB guy poisons people and makes them disappear. What, you think we are so good that we don’t kill people? It’s really the American way. Go into somebody else’s country. Kill them. Take all their valuable stuff.
Where there’s a will, there is a way. These are three easy steps towards the dictatorship of your evil villain-dreams. And remember, lie about everything. Lie so much they start accepting the lies as truth. Stupid people especially will bow down before you and beg you to hurt them, and hurt the people they hate even more.