Seeing Things Differently

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Where do I begin?  There are just too many ideas in this one topic to enumerate them all here.   I just got turned down on another loan application.  I am lost for what to do about the swimming pool.  I can’t fix it myself.  I can’t afford to pay anyone to fix it or remove it.  I am suffering from how the world sees me.  Debt to income ratio makes bankers see me as a deadbeat.  The city pool inspector thinks I don’t work hard enough at keeping my property from falling apart.  I don’t know what the doctor thinks any more.  I haven’t gone in for a check up in two years.  I can’t afford to go on insulin, so I simply don’t.  This world seems to see me as a potential homeless person in a short amount of time.  No chance that any one of those folks are going to let me define myself.

But suffering builds character.  And, damn!  I have a lot of character.  Want some of the extra?

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Life for me has always been pretty much a long march into the darkness.  I try to bring power and light and goodness with me as I march, but I know there is a final end to the journey, and it will not go smoothly.  It will not end well.  But I don’t see things the way other men do.  I continue to fight the good fight, even though I will ultimately lose the war.  “Rage! Rage against the dying of the light!” says the poet Dylan Thomas.  The fight is everything.  And I simply can’t be troubled with thinking about what lies over the last hill in this march toward the final battle.

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I think, ultimately, that the important thing isn’t winning or losing.  It is about who or what we have become on the inside.  I find solace in being able to laugh at life.  A lot of depressing things have been happening lately.  It can make the laughing harder to manage.  But if life is not joy at its heart, then what is it?  And what makes it worth living?

“Simplicity, patience, compassion.
These three are your greatest treasures.
Simple in actions and thoughts, you return to the source of being.
Patient with both friends and enemies,
you accord with the way things are.
Compassionate toward yourself,
you reconcile all beings in the world.”
― Lao Tzu

Thus it is…  Lao Tzu is wise.  The Tzu part of his name means “teacher”.  So maybe I need to learn from him.  There has to be a way forward, at least until the path ends.

2 Comments

Filed under feeling sorry for myself, insight, inspiration, irony, Paffooney

2 responses to “Seeing Things Differently

  1. Ask the inspector what he would do in your circumstances. You’re too poor to get a loan, you’re too poor for medical care, you’re too unwell to fix the pool, you’re too poor to pay someone to fix the pool, you’re too poor to fill in the pool, you’re too (old/unwell/unemployable) to get a job to get out of poverty. The empty unused pool isn’t actually* harming the environment in its current state – and then he has the audacity to fine you for the fact it rained into the pool. Maybe it’s time to take a leaf out of Erin Brokovich’s book. If he wants you to be healthy/wealthy enough to fix/fill the pool and pay the fines for raining, he could start by giving you a job. If he doesn’t…. then point out that he’s discriminating against you based on age and disability.

    • I am not through fighting yet. Government entities in Texas are mostly run by Republicans. That means empathy is physically not possible with a fiscally conservative brain. They can’t see me for who I am, so I may have to try things like going to the media with my complaints. I may also have enough money left to hire a lawyer. Again. Just because my soul is at peace, it doesn’t mean they have nothing to fear. My wife is finally mad at them now instead of mad at me, so I have that on my side. A powerfully scary thing it is too.

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